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neediness

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June 27, 2018
13 upvotes

I'm about 1 year in and I have only just realised I am a needy bitch. Or at least i was.

NOTE: I am going to go a bit theoretical here. Bear with me or stop reading.

I have been reading Mark Mansons models book, and the concept of neediness hit home hard with me, in fact his story about Ryan may as well have been me. Despite the books purple pill (at best) concepts, neediness was something that really applied to me. Here is my brief background.

Maybe not full alpha but a confident in demand 20 year old, i met my wife at college. I was not needy (aloof) and i had abundance. I chose between a few girls to be exclusive with my wife. I would choose surfing over hanging out with her. Together for 10 years, we bought a house. During that time I had some health issues and developed a decent amount of neediness. This was not my downfall, although perhaps was the start of a behaviour change. We got married, had two kids. Her career took off and that included a frequent amount of travel. I struggled. Yes it was hard to be dealing with the youngsters and my own full time job. But what i really struggled with was my wifes path away from my Disney dream. I was all in on the Disney Dream, I had it mostly how i wanted. I remember saying we could take it easy for 5 years, to enjoy the young kids and then ramp it all back up. That is not how it went down.

And I became a needy motherfucker. "When will you be home? Why are you always so tired?" Can you.... / please..../ why wont you..... . I may as well been dragged down the hall hanging onto her jacket as she left for work.

So back to neediness. What i most found relevant to me was the intersection between abundance / scarcity and neediness / non-needy. Needy is a mindset.

You can have abundance and be needy. You can have scarcity and be non-needy. What is important about this is that whilst we (men) experience abundance or scarcity directly, they (women) perceive only neediness or non-neediness. If they experience dread or see you get attention from other girls, they perceive non-neediness. Mark also goes to some length to explain that PUA is in part the demonstration of non-neediness as a performance, and that this won't work long term (ie LTR or Marriage) as the girl will eventually see that that is not the real you, and will realise that you are in fact needy (the beta backslide). Think about it. Waiting 5 days to call a girl is a fake way of displaying non-neediness. Having girls surround you in a bar is abundance and will be perceived as non-neediness. In contrast being a cool dude with lots of friends and things happening, is a real display of non-neediness. Having no friends, being overweight, and no options is needy. Throwing down the divorce papers first is (in theory) a display of non-neediness. Oneitis is neediness. Validation is neediness. Enter MRP, the best guide available to be non-needy (and also better looking).

The MRP plan is to better one self and this is highly consistent with Marks comments. Being a better man is likely to lead to abundance, but do not mistake abundance for achieving non-neediness. Non-neediness is a miindset that must be cultivated. It might follow natural on from your changes, but it wont automatically.

There is one last aspect to this that is not discussed but i think is relevant. Men have a built in neediness which is need for sex. Yes, women need sex, but it is not the same frequency. In an LTR / marriage, a man is locked (in theory) to the partner / wife. This is a surefire way to create neediness in a man, aka the dancing monkey / choreplay.

Non-neediness (the alpha mindset) comes from a combination of being the best you can be AND cultivating the least needy mindset you can.


Post Information
Title neediness
Author simbarlion
Upvotes 13
Comments 19
Date 27 June 2018 12:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204285
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8u55ws/neediness/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
alphabetaabundancescarcitydread gamelong term relationshipthe purple pillPUA
Comments

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember that one can theoretically feel needy but display non needy behavior. But not for long.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This topic is worthy of the main sub. What you've written is a good reminder for all of us.

[–]gameoflibidos2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

you were/are more likely co-dependent than needy. They are different things. You are trying to fullfill all your emotional needs in the relationship through your wife. That typically happens when all your outside interests and friends have fallen to the wayside. The attempt to fullfill all needs within the relationship won't work cause you will just be percieved as a pet monkey on her back all the time asking to be fed and she will resent you and view you as another child to take care of.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My current GF has a high level of dread and is constantly looking for reassurance. I belong to a group filled with high value women. This worries her to no end. My reply to her is "as long as we have a good relationship, you have nothing to worry about" This has been my line with her since day one. The converse of that is if I'm not getting my needs met, I'm moving on. Result: we have a fantastic relationship.

[–]remo_williams10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great point; good reminder. I was/am such a needs cunt.

Neediness = woman repellent.

Actually, no one wants to be around a needs person.

[–]Senor_Martillo0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

This is a very timely post, I've been ruminating a lot on this subject myself.

Men have a built in neediness which is need for sex. Yes, women need sex, but it is not the same frequency. In an LTR / marriage, a man is locked (in theory) to the partner / wife. This is a surefire way to create neediness in a man, aka the dancing monkey / choreplay.

I've found myself sort of painted into a corner with my MAP, and I think you're hitting the nail on the head. I'm in the best shape of my life, my career is going great, my MTB racing is on fire, my circle of friends has never been bigger or closer, I now know a handful of women I could close with instantly if I chose to step out or end it with the wife. And yet...she knows damn well if I don't bust a nut in her at least a couple times a week I'll start going mental, and she could frankly give a damn. Shes happy to wait. Or watch TV. Or finger fuck her phone.

I have failed to cultivate non-neediness. I have failed to build that corner of my frame, and a frame with 3 corners is a floppy useless thing.

Im starting Aurelias tonite...hopefully that will have some insights for me.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

“ And yet...she knows damn well if I don't bust a nut in her at least a couple times a week I'll start going mental, and she could frankly give a damn. Shes happy to wait. Or watch TV. Or finger fuck her phone...”

Your SMV isn’t high enough and she doesn’t feelz the dread yet...

My wife understands that I NEED sex from her or I will find it somewhere else.. she doesn’t have the luxury to wait.

Beta husband who is needy to sex = wife happy to wait

Alpha husband who is needy to sex = wife happy to spread legs.

[–]Senor_Martillo1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

You’re absolutely right. My dread game has fallen on deaf ears and a blind eye. As OP has so eloquently described, this one has to be fixed from within. I can’t do this one in the gym or my wardrobe. Abundance, frame and game are built in my head.

Getting back to work now.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

What you have just written translated:

"My efforts to invoke dread in my wife have not produced the changes in my wife that I was going for. So now, I'm going to double down and try to change my inner mindset and see if that works."

Fuck doing this for your wife. Do it for you. You ask the question: "Do you want to come along?" But you are not vested in its answer...you're going either way. If she does not follow, you got your answer. Move on. Guess what moving on requires...abundance, frame, and game.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

“I can’t do this one in the gym or my wardrobe”

Why?

[–]Senor_Martillo0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’m at the point of diminishing returns there. Been working out every day for years. Have a closet full of stylish clothes. I could pull some more gains and mass if I went to running gear or pushing test but I’m not ready for that step. The PED route feels irreversible, and at 43 I’m taking those steps very carefully.

I need to get over the hurdles in my head. Need to quit pining away for the pussy I’ve put on a pedestal. Need to realize true OI. I put on a decent show of OI but she sniffs right through it. Knows I’m still thirsty and doesn’t think I can pull it somewhere else.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ok I misread.

Inner game.

Learn & Practice day game. Get to catch and release. That will teach you OI.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

And yet...she knows damn well if I don't bust a nut in her at least a couple times a week I'll start going mental, and she could frankly give a damn.

i know that quite a few disagree; but in my opinion DL8 is the minimum operating level for hard mode. you need to routinely demonstrate to her that other women are DTF you. i'm not talking autistic hitting on the waitress; but instead have enough of a co-mingled social circle where you can game other women and be hit on by other women in front of her.

i'm not sure you have not already done this; so that takes us to the next level (assuming you want to stay married) DL10 or 12. DL10 is essentially an ultimatum or negotiation at the point of a gun. it's success depends on does she really care if stay/go and does she believe your threat. if she does not care, well then you just need to go. i think there a few women that do not believe the threat because either you have been such a fuckup and/or their frame is just that strong. in that case, you will have to demonstrate you will leave or fuck other women.

I have failed to cultivate non-neediness.

you want to kill need behavior; but there is no need to kill the need for sex/intimacy. you need to kill the frame in your mind and her that she is the only available source.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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