How to let go?

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July 5, 2016
6 upvotes

First post, been reading for about 3 months! Sorry for any mistakes but english not primary language, writing from old Europe. Anyway, me and wife been together for 16 years, we are both 38 with 2 kids. Marriage as been pretty much trouble free for this 16 years. Both of us share values and beliefs, we push each other, and sex as always been great. I get the ocasional turn down, i do the ocasional turn down as well. Sex has never been a problem, she flirty and likes the attention, i flirt as well, or at least i did. But 3 months ago we got a stumble. She made a new friend, and got really close, didn´t bother me at first, then I notice a change in behaviour, she was emotional connecting with this guy, texting and facebook. At this point is nice to point out that we work together. i confront her, she first denied, but being true to herself admited that she let things go to far, and the guy was getting the wrong impression that he might get something out of her. I demand mesures. She took them. Cant blame her for that, she did what I expected of her, normal behaviour resumed. Problem started here, with me. I was not capable of letting go, I was not capable of shutting up about it, I was not capable of NGAF. I become BETA pussy... She told me this, in her on words: "I need my man back". That is when i found MRP. I read the posts, and the side bar, and it hit me... Without even knowing it i was able to mix up alpha and beta, but that event shatered my confidence, i become beta all the way, even stooped riding the motorcycle. I lost wheight, and gain muscle (sex was always great, but now foreplay is awesome, she likes the new muscles!!!), girls complement me all the time, but i couldn´t flirt with them. Need an hollyday, so we did, and that helped me a lot. Since then i´m slowly building up my levels of confidence, i manage to shut up. There is one thing that botheres me still. Not able to let go. I think about that event all the time, i gained a real grudge against the guy...so how do you guys let go? Cause that i cannot figure on my own.


Post Information
Title How to let go?
Author miguelfiel
Upvotes 6
Comments 14
Date 05 July 2016 04:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207344
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4rde2s/how_to_let_go/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

its simple....

she isn't yours.

Its just your turn

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is secret man knowledge.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

double enter key creates paragraphs. Lets start with where OP has control

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

any man can control himself. He just doesn't know how yet.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

also, lets not forget how much he is blatantly not saying

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why let go? Use it to make you a better man. Realizing that you're gonna die can make you live a better life. In the same way, realizing that she could find happiness without you can make you a better man.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She made a new friend, and got really close,

What are you NOT telling us about yourself and your life at the time?

[–]miguelfiel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stuck a nerve there, not the best at the time... Was a period of my life where everything that could go wrong went wrong. Troubles at work, death of a relative, trouble with the kids... I just lost the handle of things, lost focus...looking back i think i spent most part of two months just adrift, ignoring my wife and kids...She just took control of the boat for that period that i was not present.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You let go by knowing you can do better. You know you can do better when you are better.

Get your ass over to /r/marriedredpill and go post in the Own Your Shit thread.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Wait wait...in three months your wife met a new guy, was able to develop an emotional affair, you found it, stopped it, beta'd up, then your wife noticed this beta and told you she needed her man, you found mrp, read enough posts AND THE SIDEBAR, started lifting, GAINED MUSCLE enough so your wife and other women are flirting with you, LOST WEIGHT, took a holiday (BREATHES) AND realized you have a problem letting go. In three months?!?!?! ALL IN THREE MONTHS?!?

I'm going to call bullshit. Reading the entire sidebar is an endeavor that maybe you can do effectively if you just binge it and read it twice because you went so fast the first time. Weight loss in 3 months is an endeavor unless we're talking a few pounds or you were really unhealthily losing weight fast. I honestly believe this is points to you half-assing everything from lifting to reading.

 

All that aside, don't come at it from the viewpoint of "how do I let go". Self-analyze and come at it from "why am I holding on?". What is it inside you that is uncomfortable and making you hold on to this? Are you insecure somewhere? Root that feeling out and kill it. Sometimes rathee than adding on more tactics to fix the problem it's better to just get rid of the problem.

[–]miguelfiel[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Like i said, english not my primary language, so somethings may be better expressed. I didn't ready he entire side bar, that is true, i have read the course pre-requesites plus rational male. Realized i didn´t need massive change, just do minor changes on my old self. Again marriage was trouble free for 16 years, sex was never a problem. Weight, I was over weight, 13kg heavier than I should...That was easy... took me a month to the 10k...i´m from Europe, pretty sure our diet is different from U.S. citizens. I was never unhealthily, just tweak my diet a bit and the intake amount, stop eating before bed and run (lots)...

Yes the family took an holliday, don´t know how surprising is that, but again my be due to diference in cultures... Wrote the post once got back to work if you want to know!

So that explained for the piece of advice on the last paragraph: - That makes sense, i am actually insecure on one trait that i clearly recognize on that guy... Yes, i am... i´m constant thinking about it...you probably right there, that is the thing i need to address!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then what is that trait. Write it down here...OWN IT. You'll see around here guys get jumped for writing things in their posts like: "She was fine and then I said one thing and she flew off the handle" but they leave out what they said because they're scared they'll get roasted because they know whatever it was they said was weak and they're trying to save face for their ego.

 

Write it down! Shout it! If your feet fucking stink and his don't then say so. "My feet smell like ass". If you dress like a slob and he looks like a fashion model in a jcrew magazine own that. This isn't some morbid curiosity from me I dont give a shit where you're lacking...but you need to care, and part of fixing it is dragging it right out in your own spotlight. "This shit is a problem and I'm going to fix it".

 

Now go. The OYS (Own Your Shit) sticky is at the top of this subreddit. Go there and own it, and dont forget to include your plan to fix it.

[–]dandar46000 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

i gained a real grudge against the guy

Is he still in your lives? Is he still her friend? If so that's probably why you still can't let it go.

[–]miguelfiel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep...co-worker!

[–]pullypants0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can't change the past, accept that and move on. Stop giving a fuck.

Some reading: https://thefamilyalpha.com/2015/12/20/get-over-your-relationship-ptsd/



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