Me: [30M], finishing university in about 2 month, pretty good look, been lurking/reading/lifting since 3 month
She: [33F], highly educated, good job, low N-count, good family with traditional role models (not divorced, strong father etc.)
Conditions of this LTR
We are in a LTR since 6 years. A couple of years ago we talked about where this relationship his heading to. I said, that I don't want to marry and have children until I got my shit together (graduation, job). That was ok and she mentioned, that she wants to have a familiy with classical role models (she stays at home the first couple of years after pregnancy, run the household). We always split the bills since she had a well paid job and I had savings. Two years ago we moved together. I could choose an university for my M.sc and she had to leave her department for at least 2 years to get promoted. After this time spane she could get relocated. It's a hughe city and I could find a job there.
Shit hits the fan when I ran out of money
At the beginning of this year my savings were almost spend. She suggested, that she will pay the rent for our flat so I could save money. I knew back then, that this would put me in a bad position. One month later she said 'we have to talk' and started to question our relationship. My GF read books about LTR's and stuff, while I sacrificed my social life to finish my study faster. In consquence we where more like sexless room mates, she was barely talking to me, building a new social circle and joining SJW activities. Four month ago she decided to move closer to her workplace and we argued about it. I gave her objective and subjective reasons why this is a bad idea, but she didn't care. We never discussed what that means for our relationship. I had to come with her, because I can't afford my own app at the moment. But there is no way I could get a job in this rural region.
Ready for branch swinging
At this time a found the red pill. Eather way this LTR goes, I need to man up, lead, lift/eat/read and stuff. I realised that it's mainly my fault and I was willing to fix it. While she is really up to my process at the gym, other techniques don't work very well. She often mirrors my behavior (e.g. text game). Last week i found out she gets tingles from a co-worker from another department. It took me quite some time to put the puzzle pieces together in my mind. They share the same humor and taste of movies/series so she brought his name up from time to time. First, I was suprised that my GF occasionally dressed up for work and put parfum on. Second, it seemed strange to me that she could give me a ten minute lecture about his life goals and carrer prospects when i asked her how is the work going. Third, last week we arranged a lunch dinner. When I came to her office there was a picture of this guy at her pinboard. She said this was only a joke from him, he also left notes at the desk of another female co-worker with the question 'when do we marry'. Figured out the picture sticks there since weeks(month?).
Last weekend I snooped through her phone. They call each other almost every day at work. Off work they chat every now and then via whatsapp.
She: bla bla new Star Wars bullshit He: Give me a call She calls He: Sry, couldn't answer. I was in town and with my girlfriend. They phoned the next day early in the morning while I was still sleeping.
I was ready to buy a lot of bullshit. But this conversation showed me, that they both know there is sth. to hide from their partners. Even they went together to business trips, I don't think the got physically already. But it's pissing me off and I don't want to wait until it 'just happens'.
We do not spend christmas together. I don't want to drive thousands of miles around the country to visit my and her relatives. So she travelled solely to her parents. Best time for a decision.
- Why? Even I was a drunken captain the last couple of month. If this relationship was a marathon, it's like she start's to turn around 10 feet before the finish line.
- Is this LTR damaged behind repair?
- Just drop the nuke or wait 2-3 month until i got my shit together and got a job?