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LTR: Fix it or next?

Reddit View
December 25, 2015
6 upvotes

Prerequisites

Me: [30M], finishing university in about 2 month, pretty good look, been lurking/reading/lifting since 3 month

She: [33F], highly educated, good job, low N-count, good family with traditional role models (not divorced, strong father etc.)

Conditions of this LTR

We are in a LTR since 6 years. A couple of years ago we talked about where this relationship his heading to. I said, that I don't want to marry and have children until I got my shit together (graduation, job). That was ok and she mentioned, that she wants to have a familiy with classical role models (she stays at home the first couple of years after pregnancy, run the household). We always split the bills since she had a well paid job and I had savings. Two years ago we moved together. I could choose an university for my M.sc and she had to leave her department for at least 2 years to get promoted. After this time spane she could get relocated. It's a hughe city and I could find a job there.

Shit hits the fan when I ran out of money

At the beginning of this year my savings were almost spend. She suggested, that she will pay the rent for our flat so I could save money. I knew back then, that this would put me in a bad position. One month later she said 'we have to talk' and started to question our relationship. My GF read books about LTR's and stuff, while I sacrificed my social life to finish my study faster. In consquence we where more like sexless room mates, she was barely talking to me, building a new social circle and joining SJW activities. Four month ago she decided to move closer to her workplace and we argued about it. I gave her objective and subjective reasons why this is a bad idea, but she didn't care. We never discussed what that means for our relationship. I had to come with her, because I can't afford my own app at the moment. But there is no way I could get a job in this rural region.

Ready for branch swinging

At this time a found the red pill. Eather way this LTR goes, I need to man up, lead, lift/eat/read and stuff. I realised that it's mainly my fault and I was willing to fix it. While she is really up to my process at the gym, other techniques don't work very well. She often mirrors my behavior (e.g. text game). Last week i found out she gets tingles from a co-worker from another department. It took me quite some time to put the puzzle pieces together in my mind. They share the same humor and taste of movies/series so she brought his name up from time to time. First, I was suprised that my GF occasionally dressed up for work and put parfum on. Second, it seemed strange to me that she could give me a ten minute lecture about his life goals and carrer prospects when i asked her how is the work going. Third, last week we arranged a lunch dinner. When I came to her office there was a picture of this guy at her pinboard. She said this was only a joke from him, he also left notes at the desk of another female co-worker with the question 'when do we marry'. Figured out the picture sticks there since weeks(month?).

Last weekend I snooped through her phone. They call each other almost every day at work. Off work they chat every now and then via whatsapp.

She: bla bla new Star Wars bullshit  He: Give me a call  She calls  He: Sry, couldn't answer. I was in town and with my girlfriend.  They phoned the next day early in the morning while I was still sleeping.

I was ready to buy a lot of bullshit. But this conversation showed me, that they both know there is sth. to hide from their partners. Even they went together to business trips, I don't think the got physically already. But it's pissing me off and I don't want to wait until it 'just happens'.

We do not spend christmas together. I don't want to drive thousands of miles around the country to visit my and her relatives. So she travelled solely to her parents. Best time for a decision.

Questions

  1. Why? Even I was a drunken captain the last couple of month. If this relationship was a marathon, it's like she start's to turn around 10 feet before the finish line.
  2. Is this LTR damaged behind repair?
  3. Just drop the nuke or wait 2-3 month until i got my shit together and got a job?

Post Information
Title LTR: Fix it or next?
Author guyincognito0815
Upvotes 6
Comments 21
Date 25 December 2015 07:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207789
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3y7g9v/ltr_fix_it_or_next/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
tinglesbranch swinginglong term relationshipliftgamethe red pillsocial justice warriorn count
Comments

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Next.

You got a free ride for a while, and you learned some hands on valuable lessons in that relationship, but you've got zero invested there really. You were essentially friends with benefits for a long time. If I was you, I'd focus hard on the remainder of your studies, sort yourself out with some income, and just ride the wave til it breaks on the shore. It surely can't be long before that happens.

[–]guyincognito0815[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for advice! Had to laugh about the surfer analogy.

[–]Glennus6265 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

You already know they are fucking. So, let that sink in and realize that using her for a few more months until you're done with studies and in a job (hopefully) is not a big deal.

Six years is a long time to be with someone, but your ages are different to begin with and she's about to hit her wall. If she waits much longer, children may not happen, so I'm not surprised she's getting dick on the side.

If it were me, I'd wait till the day you get a job to lay it on her, just for the satisfaction of seeing her backpedal and try to guilt trip you over carrying you for a little while. Then i'd think back and remember all the suggestive texts she exchanged with chad at the office, right under your nose, all while pretending to be Mother Teresa.

next.

[–]guyincognito0815[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

she's about to hit her wall

That's a point I don't understand, because she isn't waiting. The past two month we had unprotected sex. (Two weeks ago she had her period and we didn't had sex since, because I don't want to ruin my life.) So basically she is willing to get pregnant from me, but don't want to maintain a relationship. That's so ridiculous.

[–]Glennus6260 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She still thinks you have no idea she's fucking chad from the office. Of course she will have unprotected sex with you, just in case she gets pregnant from Chad. Then you're on the hook for 18 years, and all she had to do was support you for a year or two (while you spent your savings partially on her as well).

[–]IASGame0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't let her control the birth control!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

university was 4-6 years, you don't see people fighting to stay after it's done

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You already know they are fucking.

Where is the evidence of that? She is infatuated with him and looking to swing but that doesn't mean she is fucking him.

[–]guyincognito0815[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks to everyone. I have to figure out a good exit strategy. Until then, I will go with the flow.

[–]rothkochapel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neeeeeeext

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

What do you want to do?

[–]guyincognito0815[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

I would like to fix things, if I only knew how. I can't reward her shitty behaviour with a proposal and I can't image that a long distance relationship could work out under that circumstances. It seems like the outcome is already determined by the past.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

First thing is outcome independence. She's already talking to another guy, not planning for a future with you, and your money is now gone.

Fix you, you cannot change her mind, and your best bet is to be as good a man as you can, chips fall where they may.

She might stay in this case, but it sounds like you've been ignoring very obvious tells for too long.

Theres at least a dozen parts about your post we could address that you have as failings, but the sidebar material covers them all better than we can post here.

  • your sacrafices don't mean shit
  • she loves you opportunistically, and for how you make her feel(what she can get from you).
  • There is no such thing as a long distance relationship
  • you've totally dictated your frame and behaviour based on what she feels, and her actions. this is a huge bitch thing to do.

If I had to take a guess, assuming she's worth keeping (I don't see it) would be to ghost her. no contact, no text messages (except logistics) and go live a life on your own that is awesome. For some fucked up reason, she may be ditching you once her house is in order, and the idea that you will beat her to the punch will screw with her head. Women are stupid that way

[–]guyincognito0815[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I tried to cover my mistakes, that's why I referred to the sacrifices and I also said that LDR won't work out. Of course, I let her limit my options. That's the worst part. Being able to walk away, was always a big point in my life until I let my guards down.

she loves you opportunistically

That's really on spot. Thanks for your reply!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

think about this very logically in a value based way "

she is 33 going on 34, if her looks havent started to fade yet, they will shortly. She is doing some job shit that does not provide value to you (a woman's money /career does not add value to a man and does not add value to her as a woman)

She has shown you her true self. This is an AWALT + scenario. She literally has shown that not only does she have potential to be a shitty partner, she IS a SHITTY partner.

Meanwhile, you are about to graduate with a new degree and get a new and better job... if she comes with you to the city you want to be in, she is in it only for the betaBux . You can lift, get a better masculine frame, etc.

so summary : she is on the decline and being a shitty partner while you are potentially hitting peak social and sexual market value: if she wasn't a shit partner may be we would say to stay and fix it.

As it stands, the math doesn't add up. Finish your degree, get a job you want where you want it, and tell her goodbye and thanks for all the fish



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