Reposting an old thread of mine that I think still has value:

I'm seeing a surprising amount of guys these days get burned by women cheating or branch swinging. I really can't stand what is becoming of relationships and this is as much for me as it is for all of you. Ladies, if you're in a committed monogamous relationship then there are some things you just don't do--you don't touch, kiss, fuck, suck, or jerk off other guys when you're seeing someone, and better yet...don't even put yourself in a situation where that can occur in the first place! These rules should be a given when discussing each other's boundaries, such as what you both consider as cheating. Unfortunately a lot of people are getting burned by this assumption--this is why I always tell guys you've got to cover this stuff sooner rather than later when you start dating. I too learned an important lesson recently about a few of these points, so this is fresh in my mind. In my opinion it is when you decide to be monogamous and solidify what your relationship status is that that's when it's time to explain what it means to you to be in serious relationship. Where I failed was I didn't explain I expect a certain level of commitment in a monogamous relationship, namely that if she starts to feel something for someone else that I'm to know about it and she's to cut off all contact with the other person. If she cannot fulfill that commitment to me, then she's not relationship material as far as I'm concerned.

When it comes to boundaries, they really are up to you what you want them to be. If the woman you're seeing can't commit to honoring them, then so be it and you part ways. It's that simple. You don't back-slide, you don't let her pressure you into something you're not comfortable with, and you don't compromise your standards. You don't even have to explain why something is out of bounds for you, just that it is. If it's fairly reasonable request, such as no sleeping over at another man's house, and she's committed to you, then she should want to make you happy and be comfortable by way of honoring your boundaries. My advice is to sit her down and clearly articulate what your boundaries are, that trust is something that is hard to build and takes time, but is fragile and easily broken. Basically let her know in clear terms what your standards and expectations of behavior are on her part, and what will happen if she fails to measure up (eg dumping her). Hopefully this conversation isn't the result of her having already done something that crossed the line for you and you're in damage control mode. Again, this is a conversation that needs to happen sooner rather than later. The high points are to figure out what your respective boundaries are, what qualifies as cheating, inappropriate behavior, what you're comfortable with and not comfortable with, and so on.

As for cheating, I believe there are generally two types:

  • 1 The first type of cheating is the alcohol fueled libido in overdrive "it just happened" or "one thing led to another" hookup. Think of it as leveraging her Buying Temperature. This is the kind of thing that happens when women go to the bar or club without their guy to keep an eye on things, or duck out and hookup with a guy on the sly. It's pretty simple and can be mitigated in most cases by the SO just being present and keeping an eye on things. "Mate guarding" if you will. Unfortunately, with women nowadays you just can't take the chance with "trust" because it's just not that simple. I've seen guys in the community do some f[i]v[/i]cked up stuff over the years. One I remember was a guy in our local community in DC pulled a girl in a venue who's bf and girfriends were right there, said they would be right back getting drinks or something, and he nailed her in the alley (or was it his car?) next to the club. They went back inside like nothing ever happened and her bf and friends were non the wiser. Others have done similar with bathroom pulls, car pulls, etc. Know this: [b]Stuff like that happens every weekend in bars and clubs around the country[/b], it's a reality you must be mindful of, and that's why I'm adamantly opposed to women you're in a relationship with going out unsupervised where there will be strange men and booze. Mate guarding is a thing because it's necessary, and more now than ever IMO. Trust, but verify.

When I go out with a woman I'm involved with, she basically never leaves my sight. I may not walk with her to the bathroom, but I stay aware of my surroundings and I'm mindful of how she interacts with others. Many guys don't do this because of blind trust, but I've seen where that can lead.Now I want you to understand something: That's not because she's a cheater--I do trust her. If a woman is intent on cheating, then she'll find a way of making it happen. We'll assume for a moment we've already screened for women who won't cheat on their own conscious accord (see below). I'm talking about recognizing signs when a woman who otherwise wouldn't cheat is getting into libido overdrive from booze (inhibitions are removed or reduced), because it's in that mental state women are in that many men have been burned by that results in "one thing led to another" and/or "it just happened". Your job is to prevent that kind of thing from happening by denying the opportunity for that to occur. In a perfect world women wouldn't put themselves in the first place. The thing is, ALL women are susceptible to it because alcohol affects them and a guy with decent game can swoop in and capitalize in the heat of the moment thanks to buying temperature, regardless of whether she's a "good girl" or not. More on that dynamic can be read here:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/good-girls-do

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/plate-theory-v-ladys-game

I've been the right guy at the right time, and I and friends have gotten cheated on by gf's who ended up with other guys who were the right guy at the right time. In my case it was an ex that went to a house party when I was out of state and she slept over because she knew the hosts, and fucked a dude in their bathroom just because she was drunk & horny. "It just happened". Normally she'd have never done that, but because I didn't know about boundaries and lay down the law, she did something inappropriate (go to a party without me), and "one thing led to another".

  • 2 The second type of cheating is when the person is of poor character and fails to fulfill their commitment to their SO by removing themselves from the source of temptation. This is what I meant above by not putting yourself in the situation for cheating to occur in the first place. If a person doesn't abide by this common sense rule and does it anyway, then they're of poor character, simple as that. This is the kind of cheating you hear about when people say, "if they want to cheat, they'll find a way". Sometimes they use the above type of cheating as an excuse, but don't be fooled.

As far as I'm concerned ladies if you find yourself starting to become attracted to another person, have lustful feelings for them, or anything along those lines, you have to cut off all contact with that person if you wish to be worthy of your partner's commitment. Period. That's what it means to be committed and faithful to your SO. If you can't fulfill this basic requirement then you're not relationship material, and if yup cheat then you're of poor character IMO. And you know what guys? Women do this ALL. THE. TIME. It's at the core of branch swinging (women don't generally leave a relationship until they have another one lined up), so what's that tell you about most women these days?

If it sounds like I have a very low opinion of women and female sexuality it's because they've earned it in my eyes. Pre-TRP I trusted women thinking they had similar values, but I've been involved in the community long enough that I now know better, not to mention 20 years experience in dating and relationships and have seen friends get destroyed by their wives/girlfriends cheating on them.

I've also been regularly involved in the bar/club scene for, oh, 15 years or so now and have seen all of the above so many times it's not even funny. I know what happens behind closed doors or when people are off on their own where others can't keep an eye on things, especially when booze is involved.

Guys, take a stand, have standards, and cut them loose if/when they fuck up. If she doesn't understand why you think something is inappropriate (like staying overnight at another man's house), then you've got to do what you've got to do. Many guys will back peddle and let things slide, but that's a fool's errand. All you have to do is articulate what your boundaries are, that's all that matters. Why something is qualified as out of bounds is inconsequential IMO. She either honors your relationship boundaries to make you happy and comfortable, or she shows her true colors and disrespects your relationship and pisses it away by her actions.

Bottom line, the path to preventing cheating is having standards, screening women for solid character, establishing boundaries, and denying drunken hookup situations from happening by being vigilant and/or avoiding the situation in the first place. However, all of that is secondary to being her alpha male and having demonstrable options/abundance.

I'll say it again since many of you are active in the nightlife scene and go out all the time: Have clearly articulated boundaries and find a woman who respects them and you. For some reason a lot of people get it in their head that this is possessive behavior. It's not. Also, figure out what works for you for keeping your options open. The moment you commit to the exclusion of other women, you've just lost hand in the relationship.

EDIT:

One thing I do want to add is that you cannot be mad at women for their nature. They can't help having the mating strategy they're born with. The purpose of this thread is just to arm you with the knowledge obtained through years of experience and to learn to judge for yourselves when it's time to end things. A surprising amount of men don't realize what is appropriate behavior inside a relationship so I'm giving you some ideas of what to watch for.

EDIT 2:

Please keep in mind the above post is an old repost from before I fully understood TRP. My views have changed a bit since then, so I modified it a bit. The general message still holds true though:

  • Be her "alpha male".
  • Trust, but verify.

Women are not men and don't have entirely the same values due to different mating strategies. Mate guarding behaviors evolved for a reason. Ignore your instincts at your peril.