i have started lifting since a week and feel a bit better but i live in a very small town where it is almost impossible to approach women. I dont have the confidence i had when i was 20. Back then i was in italy and was approaching women without the fear of getting rejected but now that i have started reading Jung, freud, Schopenhauer, yalom etc i have become way more self aware and conscious.

In between i have also finished my degree in finance from one of the best unis of europe. Instead of giving me self confidence, it has taken something away from me. My free and fun nature of talking to everyone after a few beers, going to karaoke, dancing all night long and making out with girls sometimes. I havent admittedly gotten laid in 2 years.

In fact, after the meds i am taking for my borderline disorder have taken the edge off and i hardly feel enthusiastic about approaching women. I rather sit and look at what the other girls are dating and jerk off to that.