So I'm not new to TRP and am doing what I can to get myself outta this hole. I'm going for trades, tech, side hustles and leveling up my income as best I can (but it all takes time). In the mean time, I'm doing some inner work to tackle the root identity issues from my BP Days - but the more I learned about true female nature - the more I realize I'm not cut from the physical 1% cloth.

Ladies want muscular, handsome face, tall, big dick/big enough , smooth talker, etc.

I find even if guys are broke but possess the above list - they can still find a way to get some action. I have no such luck/interest. I'm short (5 8), not ultra handsome but not dead ugly, *does not* have a big D, and kinda awkward, & somewhat poor.

I can work and made good progress on the muscle & talking bits because its what's in my control along with the other basic self improvement stuff like fashion ,etc.

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But I can never shake the nagging feeling that whoever I'm with is only with me temporarily until something better comes along or is only going to be with me for the money/security in this crazy world.

I don't want to be the guy that only gets any decent quality women because of his money but I slowly fear/dread that because I'm not getting any real action right now when I'm broke - that means the only way I'll get anything is if I have money which makes me feel "worthless" (not really but in the same idea) because I'm nothing without the money.

I had a girl that was super interested in me - but I broke it off cause I didn't trust her/couldn't be vulnerable, like why be with me?

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On one hand its kinda liberating because it makes the mission 100% clear but on the other hand - I never let my guard down/ has never experienced the vulnerability it takes for a real relationship.

It's fucked. But if thats life - so be it.

Time to become the "but he has a nice house/car" guy... :(