Chances of being a traditional wife out the window if enlisted?

Suck-Less · 2019-04-01T09:46:06+00:00

I (51M) spent about 4 years active duty in the Army (Infantrymen, Scout). Split option, I went through basic training in the summer between junior and senior year of high school. Reserves at that time, regular Army after HS. After I finished my 3 year regular Army service I was ordered back in IRR for the Gulf War.

Unless something major has changed, all contracts are for 8 years, with part being active duty, the remainder being on the IRR list for call back.

The most important thing to remember about the military is this: the quality of your life, like with any job, will depend on your immediate chain of command (boss). Unlike your current bosses you can’t quit, and they can make your life hell 24/7.

I’m not trying to discourage you. The military changed my life. It set a level of discipline in me that took me from food stamps to Wall Street. I couldn’t wait to enlist, I couldn’t wait to get out, and for a while I took it off my resume (being spit on by hundreds will do that), but I’ve always thought it built a foundation for me to stand on that’s lasted a life time.

Whatever you choose, no matter what the recruiter says, enlist for the least amount of active duty time possible. Know what you are getting. The military is nothing like what you see in the movies. If you like it, you can always re-enlist.

[deleted] · 2019-04-01T12:11:18+00:00

You will not have the family structure you did as a child if you join the military. You will have to choose another vision. Or, you could just marry someone in the air force instead like your mom did. I am certain your family background and your passion for the service would make you desirable for a career military guy because everyone knows most people can not handle being married to someone in the military. I am from a military family and my aunt is a colonel. Both her and her husband are in the army and she outranks him. She never wanted kids or a traditional family. She is child free, proud of being the primary earner, and does not have a particularly feminine personality. She is very happy with her life and proud of her accomplishments though. So, I guess the thing you should figure out is what actually matters most to you for your life? If you had to pick one or the other, what would it be?

If you are active duty in the military there will be tons of daycare. A lot of people struggle to manage it without one parent staying home. Do you want a house-husband with your military career? (Could you respect a man in that position while you were off fighting wars for your country?) Realistically, a house husband is the only way to not employ a full time nanny or rely on daycare constantly if you pursue any full time career outside of the home. That's just life because someone has to be with the children and working opposite schedules from a spouse is pretty rough on a marriage. (It is hard being married to someone you never see.)

Other things to seriously consider, you can not take for granted that you will be able to just get out in four years and life will be as it was before. The military isn't a social club and you could get seriously hurt, killed, or leave with major psychological scarring that will make it difficult to find a good partner. No one really knows how they will react to being in a war zone until they actually go through it and PTSD is real. And, I don't know how much you pay attention to current international events, but we may have a real world war looming in the not so distant future. Joining the air force for a few years might be a great experience, but it might also negatively impact your life long term in ways you are not fully considering.

trumpasaurus_erectus · 2019-04-01T21:32:29+00:00

Hi there! I'm active duty AF and I've been in for 17 years. I started off enlisted, but got my degree in mathematics and earned a commission. I'm going to do 24 years total before I retire and I will probably never have to work again. That said, the AF has been really good to me and the older two of my four children say they want to join when they are old enough. They're still pretty young, but as they get older I'm going to recommend they don't do it. Based on what you posted, I'd recommend against it for you too.

First off, you seem ready to pursue a LTR/marriage and between basic training and tech school, you'll probably find it. That would be a HUGE mistake. You could be in tech school for months or maybe even over a year, depending on your career field (which at least when I came in could be guaranteed). While you're at tech school, you'll probably find the "man of your dreams" and get married. I've seen it with dozens of couples and nearly all of them get divorced within a year or two. Seriously-it happened so often a buddy of mine started an online business selling AF gear, but one of his items was a bumper sticker that said, "honk if you met your wife at Goodfellow AFB (a tech school)."

One thing to note, your career field description is probably sorely out of date and doesn't reflect what you will do on a day-to-day basis. Other things to consider are deployments and TDY's. I literally found out today that I'm deploying to Iraq and leaving my wife and kids behind for six months. I'm going to miss three of my kids' birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and my wife's birthday. She thought I was playing an April Fools joke, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. TDY's are another thing to consider. You could be sent TDY (temporary duty-another way of saying you'll do your job away from home) for months at a time. Not really conducive to family planning.

Don't get me wrong. The AF has provided me with opportunities I would have otherwise never had. I am grateful for all of them. I don't regret my decision to join and that decision is probably one of the best decisions I ever made. BUT, that's me. Based on what you said here though, I don't think it would work out very well for you. Good luck and if you want, please send me a PM with any other questions you might have and I'd be glad to answer.

bonslytoss · 2019-04-01T13:14:09+00:00

I hate to break it to you, but a traditional family lifestyle isn't even remotely compatible with the military, especially for a woman. You will probably never have a predictable work schedule, you will be expected to leave the country for six months at a time, and your personal life will become almost nonexistent. The military is ONLY an option if you want to be a breadwinner, not a family woman. Your family, if you choose to have one, will be very well provided for, but you will rarely see them.

I'm not saying the military is a bad choice, or that you shouldn't do it. I would recommend the military to anyone who is able to do it, and the Air Force changed my life. But the fact is that this is a decision that you must go into with the mentality that you are only doing this for a single contract before you get out to start a family, or that you want to be a breadwinner and marry a SAHD.

I want a marriage that will last, like my parents' marriage has. My parents' situation, however, my dad was active duty and my mom was a civilian

There are so many reasons not to do a mil-to-mil marriage that I was typing them all out for almost a half hour and filled a whole page with text. Instead, I will tell you that you will find a relationship in the military unless you are truly committed to nun mode, and that you should not marry him for your best shot at a marriage that actually lasts. Your father married a civilian for a lot of reasons, and you would be wise to have that conversation with him before you go to BMT.

situations_13 · 2019-04-01T17:11:44+00:00

I was in the military for 5.5 years, ages 21-27. I’ll point out a few things. First there are a lot of great men in the military that are ok with traditional female roles. You’ll see a lot of spouses are SAHMs. It could be a great place to meet your future spouse. If you signed for 4 years and met someone you could get out at 28 and be a SAHM. Additionally, at least in my branch(USCG) there was an option where you could take 2 years off after having a kid and return or not return at the end. I would ask your recruiter about that, I would imaging the AF has the same rule. If you do not do that, you still get 12 weeks of maternity leave. That is great considering the 6 I’m facing outside the military now. All of this to say long term no, it’s not ideal. You will have to deploy and be away from your family for periods of time. I absolutely loved my 5 years but 20 wouldn’t have been good for my family. If it’s something you really want to do I say go for it, it’s a great experience. I will always be grateful that I met my husband from being in the military. Good luck!

sonder_one · 2019-04-01T16:54:52+00:00

"Having it all" is feminist nonsense. You have to choose.

[deleted] · 2019-04-01T12:14:35+00:00

There's a lot of good advice about the military already; I'm here to say to just remember that RPW is a toolbox. It doesn't mean you should let go of who you are. Of course being in the military narrows your dating pool, but also, plenty of couples have also met, well, while they were in the military. It might be a good move, you'll raise your chances of also meeting a high quality man who has the same values about the military as you.

TheBunk_TB · 2019-04-01T11:27:28+00:00

I left the service so I could be a part of my new family. It takes a really strong person to keep a family together in the military. I do want to warn you of what the old salts told me: The military didnt outfit you with a family in your seabag. I hated hearing it but it was a good warning. I was deployed in a relatively predictable fashion but we were sent out for a week or a few days all the time. I never had a 9-5 schedule and I often had to flake out on plans because someone else's problems became mine. You are gambling big time if you choose this path. It also takes a relatively forgiving guy to date a military woman. The attitudes from civilian guys about military women were more miss than hit.

PartyOfEleventySeven · 2019-04-01T22:58:09+00:00

I didn’t scroll to see if this had been mentioned, but what about the Air Guard? My daughter is full-time in the Air Guard, and works a job w federal benefits, but also has great hours.

Title	Chances of being a traditional wife out the window if enlisted?
Author	kittytenderfork
Upvotes	24
Comments	26
Date	April 1, 2019 8:21 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b7zeqh/chances_of_being_a_traditional_wife_out_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/chances-of-being-a-traditional-wife-out-the-window.223957 https://theredarchive.com/post/223957

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