Hello AskTRP,

I've noticed that I have a severe case of oneitis. I was like this as a teen/preteen as well. Had a short period (3-4 yrs from age 17-21) where I didn't seem to get attached as easily and could comfortably sleep around, but I'm not too sure what happened after that. I do remember thinking about how "hollow" sleeping around and partying all the time felt. A little background information:

When I was 17-21, I lived with my "clique", a group of dudes that sold drugs and threw parties. We would frequently have a ton of people over and there were alot of loose women (most likely due to loving coke) that frequented our parties. It was fairly easy to play the girls against each other because they would all essentially be competing for a chance to spend the night. I feel this may have warped my sense of seducing women.

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At 20/21, I got my first actual decent paying job after moving back to the state I grew up in. I became really focused on work and generally have not dated since then (currently 27). I've had a few (3-4) with girls I met at bars during this time but otherwise I really wasn't chasing. At around 24, I met a girl at work that I have any feelings for initially but she grew on me. The more we interacted and the more of my time I gave her, the more I started to like her. Big mistake. I remember that I started having feelings for her after a night she came over my house and me, her and my roomates drank and played a game of "strip cards against humanity". We ended up in bed together in our underwear, and I remember caressing her and playing with her pantyline before saying "Let me take these off", to which she replied "I still love my ex though. " I'm guessing it was a shit test that I failed because I pretty much stopped from there since she said no. Nothing more than a little bit of kissing happened and then we got on with our lives.

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Since then, the feeling of desire just kept growing and before I knew it I had oneitis again just as I had as a young teen/preteen with crushes back then. I didn't really want to pursue other girls since then and just kept falling deeper into the rabbit hole. I've since moved back to where I lived/partied before and I don't really feel the same attachment (ie. I can comfortably pursue other girls), but I still definitely have feelings for her. Right before I moved, I lived with a good friend of mine and his roomate who was an avid kinkster. I knew she was attracted to me and wanted me to make a move, and she was definitely good looking but my feelings for the other girl really dampened the desire to pursue her. In hindsight, I could have just had fun with her but I simply don't know why I couldn't motivate myself to other than the feels.

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I noticed that I've been trying to "replace" her I guess, which feels like it would lead to another case of oneitis. It's hard for me to get back out there because I work 7 days a week and don't really meet many people and furthermore I've really lost any game I once had.

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Edit with a little more info: I have since lost my good paying job and work for much lower wage. I don't have a car at the moment, and I have a limited wardrobe due to the spontaneous of my move. Most of my paychecks go towards paying off a loan I got stuck with as of now. I do plan on going back to college once I clear the loan (should be 2-3 more months) and I have free access to a gym but can't seem to motivate myself to get in there (my mental excuse is working too much).

Any advice on how I can motivate myself to get up and get out without getting so attached again?

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Thanks in advance!