Big mess but I'll try to shorten it up best I can. I need guidance.

Been in a rut since I've been, maybe, 18? 19? I turn 22 later this month. Known about TRP since I was 19. Some stats and history: - LTR for past year and a half. Nothing special, nothing too bad. Been living with LTR since moving out of my parents' place. (Specifically to move out of parents' place due to toxic mother)

  • Had cheated on LTR once, had 8 month long affair that initially was started just to dread but things went way wild instead. Would fuck one girl then the next one, day after day. Tried to get a threesome once like a savage idiot but that didn't turn out. Regardless, I was more or less living like a king. However, eventually broke things off after a bad manic episode, and stayed with first LTR since she was more submissive and stable, as opposed to the, you know, crazy feminist second girl.

  • No car. Almost got a car off of a girl; had second girl teach me to drive. Onto next point.

  • Parents suck. Mom can be a manipulative bitch and my dad is an immature clown married for provider reasons. Nobody taught me to drive, (or how to do anything; my mom would explode in anger if anyone even attempted to WASH DISHES) and mom lied to me as a 15 year old into getting me to drop out hs. Parents think they're white knight Christians, but even the Bible doesn't support their cucked dynamic.

  • Got GED from chick I was banging.

  • Haven't traveled. Been stuck in the same Texan city my whole life and I fucking hate this place.

  • Job history sucks. Mostly call centers and retail. Just quit shitty call center job earlier this week after being hit with three write-ups.

  • Not much in the money department.

  • Prone to psychotic depression. I have a (perhaps irrational) phobia of being the antichrist after manic episode.

  • I do own a guitar and I feel guilty for not practicing more, but I worry too much about my future that I spend time making posts like these instead.

  • No friends. Best friend lives in neighboring town.

  • Weird hobby. I'm passionate about exotic animals and keep a few pet snakes. There's no money in it.

  • Currently living with LTR and her brother.

  • Broken attempts at trying to develop routine. Last job attempt had me going back to the gym, but now the income has stopped and so has the membership.

  • Possible talks to move back in with my parents, but I fear they make go back to being pieces of shit. Also afraid I might give up any hopes of a future and straight up attack one of them.

No sympathy. If you want to hug me and tell me it gets better, go: 1. Buy a tazer 2. Fuck yourself in the mouth with it.

Wondering how to stop this cycle, or if God just hates me for some reason and I should stop trying anymore. Anyone climb out of shit's creek before? And if so... fucking HOW?