Hi guys

In the past I constrained many of my relationships with girls by sporadically acting verbally agressive/shouting at them when I felt disrespected/misunderstood/annoyed by them. Of course, it's not my initial reaction. But when things turn heated I tend to loose my temper quickly. It's a strange feeling for me, because in these situations I don't feel anything but coldness/resentment/antipathy. People around me become indifferent to me for the moment. However, for me it's not a deep emotion, more like something on the surface.

And because I don't feel deep emotions when getting angry, it's usually not that big of a deal for me. After a short time, things will usually be ok for me and I try to be constructive. However, for girls it's usually a bigger deal. Sometimes they start crying and feel bad for hours/days. They also tell me that my face totally changes in these situations because my eyes would turn totally cold/dead (like I was looking through them). However that's usually happening to me when I don't like something even if I don't get mad.

My parents and friends told me that I was always like that: when stressed/annoyed (when things are/ don't turn out the way I want them to), I can act like a vulcano totally unpredicable to outsiders. I turn totally cold, feel zero empathy, act totally insensitive and react very harsh -> lots of potential for conflict, however people around me allegedly learned to deal with it by keeping distance for the critical time.

Problem is that I can't really control myself in these situations (just to some degree). However that's not always the case: i.e. my gf told me that her Ex bf tried to hit on her when they met on a birthday party. In my inside I didn't get angry, just cold and I told her calmy that next time I see him there will probably be consequences. Also in business situations I stay totally in control no matter what happens - I just turn cold and "find solutions".

Anyone of you also experiences this behaviour from time to time? How do you deal with it? I was thinking about some more/daily meditation.