Hey ladies, it's been a while since I've posted but I have been on the chat from time to time, you've all given me a lot of tough love and I needed it. so, thank you.

I won't go in about my story or my heartbreak, but I met a man at 19, he was married and it broke me entirely.. I walked away after suffering from depression, low self-esteem, humiliation, and shame. I met another man at 21, he was my world, I fell so in love, so fast.. I didn't even know what was happening to me. Problem was, He was my married man's best friend, so naturally, we turned into a catastrophe, we broke up 1 year later. (To get a little back story you can read my posts).

So, it's been 1 year, and 1 month since we broke up, I still cry some days, fewer days now.. to be honest, I haven't cried since he told me she was pregnant (1 month ago). I had a quick reminder of how low I felt when I was having an affair and was dealing with the depression from it. I cried, I cried so hard I thought my heart and my lungs would shut down. I cried so hard I thought I was going to die. I was completely defeated. I wasn't crying because she was pregnant with his baby (of course that's what I thought at the moment), it took me a 3-hour therapy session the day after he told me and 4 days to realize I was crying over loss - the loss of him, but most importantly the loss of the life I imagined we'd once have... the life I so desperately wanted - marriage, and parenthood.. and he was going to have it now, with someone else. That same day I deleted his number, his mom's, sister's, step-dad's, step-brother's... everyone. I got rid of the pictures on my phone, the pictures on social media, the text message threads, I boxed up the jewelry, I boxed up the clothes. I haven't cried since. My aunt (very superstitious) always told me to pray to the moon for love, I used to pray to the moon during my depression and my affair .. and so I waited for the moon and I prayed, and although she wasn't very kind to me the first time, this time I didn't ask the moon for him and I. I simply prayed she'd get me through it, I prayed she'd heal my heart, maybe it's crazy but I was desperate. I don't know if I'm in denial, maybe I am, but I haven't cried since that day.

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Since then I have completely submerged myself in school, pledged nun-mode, working doubles, working on my health, getting my eczema and breakouts under control (my skin is like porcelain and it's looking the best it ever has), I stopped checking his social media, I even booked a vacation to Thailand ("eat, pray, love" kinda thing), and going out with my older brother and his co-workers/friends. I've been going to therapy every week, I have goals set up, some are tough to follow thru with.. I'm supposed to get rid of his family on social media... that's proven to be the hardest thing for me (I don't want to be forgotten by them, especially his mom, I loved her) but my therapist says it's a necessary step to breaking off the chains and feeling free. I've been going out every weekend and I've felt so happy hanging out with my brother, dancing, and smiling, but I'm deathly afraid that this is a "phase" and I'll break down, maybe I'm wrong - I hope I am. I want to be happy and the "high" I feel every weekend is helping me get through. I am distracted.

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I am smiling again you guys, I am dressing up and getting pretty... I am even dressing up for work again.

I'm not where I want to be, nowhere near, but I'm getting there.

Thank you for the tough love; Thank you for the words of encouragement.

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TL; DR

- I am getting through a breakup.

-He got his new girlfriend pregnant after 5 months of being with her.

-I have been going through the healing process.