Verbally setting ground rules for LTRs?

X--Man · 2019-05-24T15:45:19+00:00

Don't even consider an LTR until the girl has been properly vetted. The vetting process should include witnessing and experiencing her actions, decisions, and behaviors firsthand. In multiple environments. You cannot rely on words. Only actions. You must witness her in action, and be comfortable with her and all of her actions before you reward her with an LTR.

You cant stop cheating. You can only be better than the rest so that cheating on you would = a loss for her, and never a loss for you (mindset).

Westerncaesar · 2019-05-24T15:37:28+00:00

Communicate a boundary ONCE...

Cheating and other instant dismissal violations shouldn't be discussed, You just leave. But if you have a boundary and she crosses it, you communicate your displeasure one time and every violation after that is met with an instant soft next.

TFWnoLTR · 2019-05-24T19:15:44+00:00

If she needs to be told that cheating would be the end of your relationship, than she's not LTR material.

If you're trying to vet her, you could bring up an anecdote about someone in a relationship with a cheater who got caught and see how she reacts to it.

As a former "cheater" myself, I'm going to say something that might go against logic and isn't applicable to everyone, but if you regularly bring up cheating in conversation and how it disgusts you or accuse them without evidence, you're only increasing the odds that they'd take an opportunity to cheat on you. Don't be insecure.

Accusing or showing suspicion towards an innocent LTR can get them thinking "I might as well do it if they think I am anyways". It'll lower their respect for you at best. It accomplishes nothing in your favor. If they are cheating, they're more likely to slow down and try harder at hiding it than stop, and if they aren't they'll resent you.

Again, don't be insecure. Cheating isn't a big deal anyways. At worst it's just a good reason to end a relationship and never look back. If you're that possessive to where it's always on your mind and you can't get over it, you need to work on your self. Talk to a therapist or something.

SeasonedRP · 2019-05-24T17:08:06+00:00

Guys are so prone to rationalize bad behavior by women. Rather than act like self-respecting men, they write off bad behavior as the girl not being clear on boundaries, and then reason that properly setting boundaries will actually result in good behavior. Wrong. Women aren't stupid. They know the ground rules. If they respect you and fear losing you, they won't dare do anything that might risk that happening. If you act like a chump, they'll test you and see what they can get away with.

boy_named_su · 2019-05-24T19:59:55+00:00

I think you should discuss your boundaries when she is begging you for an LTR and you've vetted her. "I don't date girls that talk to their eyes or go clubbing" etc. Different dudes have different boundaries and you can't expect every girl to guess them

Only do once, right before the beginning

Title	Verbally setting ground rules for LTRs?
Author	SonsofChico
Upvotes	4
Comments	9
Date	May 24, 2019 3:30 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bsiaqr/verbally_setting_ground_rules_for_ltrs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/verbally-setting-ground-rules-for-ltrs.239536 https://theredarchive.com/post/239536

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