i've been improving myself, learning a lot, i used to hang out this chick for a while, got emotional invested, we were into each other quite a bit, I didnt make a move cause im a kissless virgin so I was putting too much pressure on it and failed every time, she ghosted me.

I beat a lot of barriers I had with her, I learned a lot, but like a lot really, when you actually try things out that you read about it changes your view instantly, but still I didnt manage to close.

Everything points to: It could have been better, move on.

Makes sense? Well, to my brain it doesnt. It just cant accept defeat. She took a day to reply to my invite to meet, a day longer than usual and said she couldnt straight up, I knew the way she talked was a rejection cause I know her and know how she used to act before, and she wasnt invested anyway anymore so I accepted my losses and tried to move on.

Notice I typed tried, this was a month ago and still some nights I just cant sleep thinking about not her but how I could have finally changed my life somehow, its irrational but I just cant accept the defeat.

I just cant seem to accept that its a lost case, I just want to try again and try again and try again, i've spent at least 1 whole night just thinking the perfect text to send her that would make her hangout with me.

THERE IS NO PERFECT TEXT WTF AM I DOING, ITS LOST, MOVE ON, BUT I CANT AND I DONT KNOW WHY.

Its like a kid who thinks he saw something on the corner, and everyone is saying there isnt anything there, but he will throw a fucking fit until he goes there and checks it. I just want to send that text and watch myself get ignored/blocked.