How do you tell the difference between banter and disrespect?

O--- · 2019-07-03T21:05:06+00:00

The seriousness of their tone and look, severity of the things said, and context.

xoxuv · 2019-07-04T00:53:30+00:00

Banter/teasing and disrespect are opposites.

By disrespecting you devalue other people. By bantering you say that the faults you are pointing at, aren't judgments.

Disrespect is an aggression. Banter is friendly. It makes people relax.

That's why bantering is cool, yet, you will find people who doesn't gets it, and banter "to be cool", but actually are disrespectful.

The key is the emotion on the delivery. Bantering/teasing well done is done with some lack of attachment that says "this doesn't matter".

Betas that don't get it, see an alpha bantering a girl, and believe that he's being a jerk, but the girl laughs, because she is attuned to the emotion. He says "you are like the worst girl here!", and the beta sees an insult, but the girl feels free of judgment, the freedom to be herself.

[deleted] · 2019-07-03T21:28:30+00:00

if she hasn't touched ur diq, ghost

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-07-03T20:40:39+00:00

Intent.

Cazken · 2019-07-03T21:16:17+00:00

They need to adjust, not you.

aldomendez · 2019-07-04T01:01:06+00:00

It depends on shit load of other factors. It depends on context of situation, how well you know the person, how many times they do it, how they say it, how they acted before and after, etc.

Obviously, if it's your close friends, most of the time it's probably banter. But if it's someone you don't know well, you should be suspicious.

Some manipulative people can hide disrespect under the guise of banter, and they do it well. There's actually a lot of these people out there, more than you think. And you should watch out for them.

Honestly though, if you felt disrespected then just say it. Don't tolerate disrespect. Call them out. Some people in this sub may think that's being socially retarded and overreacting. But whatever.

thrwy75479 · 2019-07-04T01:04:21+00:00

It's grey, and fluctuates.

For instance, making a cutting remark about your age, when you're young, wouldn't really bother you because it's not even true.

The same remark from the same person, when you're old though, may sting more. Further, were the same remark repeated for the umpteenth time⁠—irrespective of your age⁠—when you're in a shit mood, would piss you off more.

It also depends on who made the remark, and the context within which the remark was made. Coming from a stranger, it would likely be forgotten. From someone that you know and respect, it would definitely be a blow.

There's a lot of variability. The only thing that's within your power is how you react, if at all, which is why it's important to have a thick skin, and a sharp tongue, and that comes from experience. As Patrice would have it: toughen up that leather.

addwater · 2019-07-04T03:31:21+00:00

Common sense, experience, social intuition

A good way to actually know is how they respond once you let them know they've crossed a line,

I.e if they continue or don't apologise after you ignore them or give them an unimpressed look

It really comes down to whether or not they respect you

Title	How do you tell the difference between banter and disrespect?
Author	IssaBigLife
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	July 3, 2019 8:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c8ta3c/how_do_you_tell_the_difference_between_banter_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-you-tell-the-difference-between-banter-and.244259 https://theredarchive.com/post/244259

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