I can't find any hope that things will get better. I've spent three years here, in the gym, eating healthily, all that, and I've absolutely nothing to show for it, no success with girls whatsoever. I'm contemplating suicide because I'm sick to the back teeth of living like an absolute loser. I've been to different therapists until they run out of things to say to me, done SSRIs that made me feel like a zombie, nothing ever works. My last hope was trt but thats been in vain, like all my other efforts.No matter how many hours a week I spend in the gym, my confidence is still rock bottom, it seems I'd rather kill myself than go out and get rejected 100 times. I'm too scared to do approaches that will shatter my fragile ego. Even being at rock bottom doesnt give me that fuck it all attitude it should, it just hurts. What have I to show for it? I'm still a faggot with no friends sitting alone in his room everyweekend, just now I have a bit more muscle. All I can think about is getting laid which is never happens oir fantasizing about having a social life, or friends, or being able to have fun. The suns outside now and I can hear people laughing listening to music, having fun, and I'mtrapped in a mental prison, like thousands of times before. And everytime I try go out it takes weeks to muster the courage to go out alone just for a drink, and its the same dance over and over, spend an hour pumping myself to go out pretend I know people or like to hear them talk about themselves, or just stand alone at the bar, feeling like everyones wondering why im there alone. And then I read posts here that after 3months trp guys are spinning plates left and right, or a group of friends at the bar laugh about their fat slob friend got laid last night, or the pua group on social media that just cant stop crushing it. I'm so fucking frustrated and disappointed in myself that my hard work in the gym and trying to go out has done nothing for me, made me feel better about myself, gave me any social or sexual success whatsoever and I don't want to keep living a pathetic nobody. I even have to have courage to post this here since all my other posts are pathetic wallowing and a reminder how fast Ive been going to nowhere. I'm so embarassed that this is all I can write but its a last cry for help before I give this all up for good, if I even manage that since Im a coward that cant even talk to women