I broke up with my 1 and a half year loyal ltr because I was an idiot. I obviously lost my shit and frame and got drunk and popping drugs this month so I ended up swearing at her on the phone for the 4th time in 3 months. She called me today while yesterday didn't want to talk to me saying how sad me and her sis made her(her sis tried to make us fight and I took a bite of the trap, so I ended up being mad for absolutely no reason other than being a drugged out loser) Today we settled this and she expressed all her emotions with me, how she was so interested in me all this time and indeed I was her first guy, she didn't care about other dudes while my paranoia made me think shit without having any evidence but never told her. I am so fucked up right now I haven't eaten from yesterday. What a fucking excuse. What can I do guys? I feel very very very depressed mostly because it was all my fault, even while admitting it with a manly tone that I spoke ill she in the end said she can't forgive me another time. I said it's cool and I won't be here any longer when she decides to come back. I ended it there on a text and a whim.