In my other life I write an advice column for young men. I mostly give Red Pill advice, but without the jargon or the bluntness. My recent inbox has reminded me that REALLY young guys really seem to struggle with getting sex in high school. It’s been a LONG time since I was that young, but I don’t imagine that high school girls have changed all THAT much and I think it might be useful to those hardy few who come here to explain three things they have to deal with that older dudes either don’t face at all anymore, or are far less important.

The first thing a young dude needs to understand is that High School game is HARD. As a dude under 17 has hurdles even dudes at Uni no longer have to get past. (Cue chorus of jocks saying, “What? I plowed cheerleaders for four years and it was no problem.” Thanks guys, but not all of us are Captain of the Football team.) You dudes who are just coming into the game have three things to overcome that those of us in college no longer have to deal with, and barely remember.

For starters: teenage girls are physically AFRAID of sex. They’ve been deliberately terrorized by their moms and older sisters. They’ve been told that it hurts, at least the first time, and that they’re going to bleed. That’s right; they’ve been trained to be afraid of your penis. So they’re going to be really hesitant, whereas you have been all “Hmm, (sniff-sniff), that’s . . . interesting. What’s that all about?” since you were twelve. You’re wildly curious to get down to business while they’re wondering if they can put it off ‘till college or later. Because it’s scary. (It’s also bullshit, mostly. Most girls feel little, if any discomfort, nor do they bleed a lot. But they’re scared of it.) This one goes away almost entirely by the time you’re in your early 20’s. Most of the girls you hit on as you go into your third decade have already had the road plowed for you.

Next on the list of sex-fear for very young women is pregnancy. Think for a second about the consequences of getting your girlfriend pregnant. Forget how much you want sex for a moment and think about the expression on her face when she realized there’s a baby growing inside her. Picture her telling her mom. Now picture the expression on her Dad’s face when she tells him. Keep all those images in your mind. Feel that sensation in your stomach? Now imagine that feeling, like, times a hundred for her. Understand now why she might be afraid of it? (Unlike “it’s going to hurt,” this is NOT bullshit. Girls are at peak fertility between about 16 – 26 years old, but it’s hard to get birth control pills if you’re under 18. If you DO get any, wrap it up. Seriously.) Again, when you hit your early to mid-20’s most girls are on birth control pills. But wrap up, anyway. The birth control pills are for HER. The condom is for YOU.

Now let’s talk rep. That is, reputation. You know how important a killer rep is to you? You’d like to be known as the dude who can tear it up on the field, on the town, and in bed. But, really, if somebody calls you “lame,” you’ll recover, won’t you? Make another touchdown or get another date, and your rep will start recovering. If a girl starts getting a rep as a “slut,” she’s screwed. And not in the fun way. Other girls cut her off. Friends turn their backs. Moms even try to keep their daughters and sons from associating with sluts. Becoming known as a slut is VERY bad for a girl. If you’re a dude and somebody doesn’t like you, he punches you in the mouth, or you punch him in the mouth, and it’s over, right? Not so with girls. They REALLY have to lose their shit to get physical. No, the standard mode of female conflict is to trash talk each other behind their backs. A girl can discovered that she’s been completely trashed and not even know who did it. High school is a small town, and it’s almost impossible for a girl to walk away from a crappy rep. (For you, this means that if you DO get some; keep your damn mouth shut. Even if you don’t give a crap about her rep, she’ll cut you off if she finds out you’ve been bragging. And when you break up (and you will), it will be that much harder to get the next one to put out if she thinks you’re gonna run your mouth. So seriously, shut the fuck up about it.) This one NEVER goes away, but once you’ve demonstrated your discretion, it’s less of a problem. Also, once you get out of high school and into the larger world, walking award from a crappy rep gets easier, so she’s less scared of getting one.

I didn’t plan to give a bunch of advice in this post, but here are a couple of thoughts on dealing with these three issues:

  • She’s afraid it will hurt. – Slow the fuck down. Maybe next weekend. Note: if prom night rolls by and she STILL won’t, she’s not going to.

  • She’s afraid of getting pregnant. – Slow the fuck down. Buy quality condoms and add a spermicide to it.

  • She doesn’t want to get a rep as a slut. Promise her you’ll keep quiet. Make her believe it. Really mean it. Shut the fuck up about it.

And know this: if you don’t manage it before you graduate, take comfort in the fact that HALF of your bros didn’t either, no matter what bullshit they’re spreading your way. Half of all western men don’t lose their virginity until after high school, so graduating still need to check that box is perfectly normal.