No friends, dad’s a Christian BP cuck, sister is turning into a butch dyke and mom’s always been a raging banshee. I have no respect for my dad for being married to this bitch. Mom was physically and mentally abusive growing up (think gaslighting) and any attempt to pursue RP/normal interests is territory to cause family drama that ends with shitting on it in an attempt to control. Family is flat out manipulative cesspool. Had moved out for a while back when I had friends but that went south. Currently 22 and had been spending the past few weeks at my folks’ from financial struggle. Would rather shoot myself than join the military; my dad pushed that all the time because it’s what Jesus would have wanted. Do have LTR same age as self going on 2 years. She’s no unicorn but she’s been there for me in my darkest hours. Feelings of subconscious matricide/patricide are present in my psyche. I dream of it. Probably not the definition of mental health. I don’t have resources to take care of it though. I can feel the tension between me and my family members rising. Every fight that gets started I feel my rage getting more explosive. They decided they should live out in bumfuck nowhere and refused to teach their children to drive, because independence is against god’s will or some inbred shit like that.

Needless to say, I’m stuck and it’s driving me insane. I can’t live with my LTR; she’s stuck at her brother’s apt and he’s an abusive sack of shit too who claims to be redpilled (massive cringe fest) but attempts to chase after single moms.

Starting a new part time job soon. Prioritizing getting a vehicle and a second job. Plan is to move out and disown family because the bad outweighs the good and I hate being associated with these ass backwards cunts. In desperate need of marketable skills. Been told I have good ambitions and ideas, except of course by the family of crabs.

Need new ideas on how to cope. Currently only ideas I have are selling the last of my valuables (Xbox, TV, few small pets, golden chain from dead grandfather, guitar) to at least use that money to get some breathing space. Would also like ideas about getting treated with more respect than these assholes in my family and outside (local hobby group turned on me just because I lost my cool at people wasting my time)

Also currently afraid of my psyche. I’m terrified of snapping and going into an uncontrollably murderous rage like I did last year. Need money to afford solutions. Not sure if I just say fuck it and go homeless. Just plain lost and under pressure