Hey everyone, I figured I'd introduce myself and my unfortunate experience with adopting PUA/TRP beliefs for a year or two in college. I'm also a mod here and I asked to be one because of my experiences.

First a little about myself. I'm a guy in my early 20s. My hobbies and interests include weightlifting, CrossFit, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Metal Gear, and fighting games. My favorite book genres are military non-fiction and true-crime non-fiction. I also think Prince is a horrifically underrated guitarist. On to my experience with TRP.

When I started college, I had an on-again off-again relationship with someone I knew from high school, though really we never made things precisely official. During the off times I'd doubt myself and wonder why she didn't want to be together (looking back, it was basically my immaturity and lack of greater commitment) and I'd think how I could get us together again- which was really stupid because we were usually together again within a month. I would look up relationship blogs and found PUA and men's blogs that would eventually form the values of TRP. I began to think about how to be "alpha", and judging by the criteria I found, I was already nearly there. I was already in good shape, girls thought I was handsome, and I certainly wasn't a push-over. I mean, I already lifted, brah. All I had to do was keep an alpha mind-set and I was set! I learned about evo-psych and bio-truths. I also learned the worst part about PUA/TRP: the reality of women. I learned that women tend to childish, overly emotional and irrational in nature and are actually looking for alphas to take charge in their lives. Thankfully I never found out anything about dark-triad. To be young and dumb again... actually, never again quiet honestly.

I eventually broke up with her in a way I'm not proud of at all (and if you know who this is, and you're that girl, I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I am so sorry for not talking to you for so long. Even if we didn't need to be together anymore, you deserved a better break up).

Back to the alpha mind-set/frame/stupidity and ideas on women. There was the problem. Despite all of my "alpha-ness" and commitment issues, I was and am a good person. I like doing good things for people. If someone needs help with something, I'll reasonably help them with it. I'm also a Christian that believes its best to love everyone and care about people. Woe is me how beta I am. However, I figured if I needed to be alpha and accept those nasty truths about women to get a girlfriend, then so be it. Kaz, I'm already an alpha. woooooooooooah OOOOOOOOOOO!

I guess you're already seeing the train-wreck I'd become and can't look away.

So let's examine my dating life during this time shall we? I pretty much thought I was a blessing to any woman I caught 'mirin. If a girl and I were texting, I'd always make sure to not immediately reply, as to appear uninterested. Nothing was a big deal to me, even when it needed to be. I couldn't appear unalpha. I'd also pepper conversations with humble brags from time-to-time. "Being alpha" pretty much made me kind of obnoxious. I can't tell you what dating me during this time was like because I found no one willing to date me. I was still attracted to the same type of women used to like and still like: smart, independent and confident. (I said I was a train-wreck at the time) Those type of women were smart enough to avoid someone like me and in hind sight, I'm glad they weren't interested. I'm sure if I were into casual-sex, I could have eventually found someone (drunk or foolish enough) to sleep with me, but that probably just would have validated my stupidity. It was obvious that mentality wasn't working, but I wasn't going to give up. During this time, I also didn't watch my weight and gained 40-50 pounds. I mention that because I see it as a reflection of my lack of self-awareness. Once I was noticing that I wasn't having any luck with women, I lost motivation for other things as well. For example, my grades started to slip. Luckily, the part of me that still wanted to be a good person was still around.

Enter a good friend of mine from high school. She's an incredibly intelligent and talented person. She's also a feminist and a wonderfully stubborn woman. We had reconnected around a year after the brake-up. At the time, she was already dating someone, and I'm not her type anyway so dating her was always out of the question. You know what though, I decided to keep being friends with her anyway. I think this decision is what led me away from the bad road I was heading down. Being friends with her showed me that what all those blogs and "self-improvement" sites said were wrong. Not because she preached feminism at me, but because actually caring about my friend and her ups and downs (including some terrible boyfriends she's had) showed me that women and men aren't that different. There are good people and bad people, smart people and dumb people, regardless of gender. Eventually, remembering that "a slave cannot serve two masters", I could not reconcile my new realizations, my faith and my general desire to see good done in the world, with PUA/TRP. I became determined to get that junk out of my thinking. I stopped trying to be "alpha" and was determined to simply be /u/whisperHailHydra.

My dating life picked up again after I stopped being "alpha". People liked being around me. I was making friends again and I made some of the best friends of my life during this time! I started trading that false, "alpha" confidence for genuine self-confidence. I started to have a more positive outlook on life, relationships and women. I started being motivated again and I was able to pull up my grades and get back into shape. I also started learning about myself and started dealing with my dating and commitment issues. I still have some work to be done, though. I catch myself trying to be "alpha" from time to time, such as when a girl texts me, but I'm improving. Now, I just finished college with two degrees, and while I'm still single, I'm dealing with that in the right way.

My conclusions are many, but I'll name a few. First, being single isn't a problem unless you make it a problem. Second, man was my outlook on women wrong for so long, but I'm now glad I changed when I did. Women are unique individuals just as men are unique individuals. Lastly, actual self-improvement and awareness of how you're perceived by those around you go hand-in-hand.

Also, don't lift weights to get women. Work out for yourself- to be healthy and strong. Work out because you enjoy it. That was one mentality I thankfully never got into.

Where's my dating life going after all this? I'm not exactly sure, but I do know that I'll strive to be a good person no matter what and do something that contributes to this world.

To be continued

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tdu4uKSZ3M

I'm open to questions.

^^Hail ^^Hydra