Rant/F-up This is where I’m at now. Contemplating a “reset” after a new potential plate insinuates I’m pretentious.

This past weekend after completing a few comfort challenges, going out by myself and telling corny jokes, I met a HB7. We talk and hit a few more spots in the area, and she gives me her number at the end of the night without me asking. I couldn’t get her to the house to watch a movie that night but she said something interesting that made me chuckle AWALT: If you lived up-stairs (loft above the bar) then I would, but I don’t know you like that to go to your house. Cool whatever, my plans remain the same if she participates in them or not.

She says she’s good at dancing the Salsa, so I tell her over text “There is a place in the city that has Salsa dancing on Sunday (Easter) and I’ll be going and to be ready at 7.” Blah blah blah Easter, blah blah. I ended up not going anyway because of Easter and spending time with family so no big deal. I have plans for Saturday and during a phone conversation, let her know the details and I get: Oh, I don’t know about that… We get off the phone and I don’t think much else of it.

Later in the evening I text her and here’s the progression:

Me: You were right about feeling alone being a mindset, good job. (Part of our previous phone convo.)

Her: Has anyone ever told you that you are arrogant?

Me: I have no idea what you mean, I am a selfless angel.

Her: LOL, I’ll take that as a yes

Me: Everyone has a confidence about themselves, you do too

Her: There’s a difference between confidence and pretentious.

At this point in time the self-doubt creeps in hardcore. I don’t say anything else and neither does she. This morning I discuss with a female friend of mine who is as NAWALT as I’ve ever seen and she hits me with what I was thinking I needed to do anyway. She says: You have a lot going on, maybe you should take this time to work on you (this entire time I’ve been thinking that I need to stop trying to workout at home and join the gym that’s literally 5 mins away from my house.) or admit you’ve been off and you apologize (I’ve thought of admitting to being off, but not outright saying I’m sorry. This one has potential and I would enjoy having a few interesting experiences with her.)

In my attempt to be different, I ended up being the exact fucking same. I don’t have oneitis, apparently I have anyoneitis. The night I met the potential plate and we started talking more to each other than to anyone else, I tried to prove my worth, my intelligence, my wit and it was all second nature (Beta). Do not try to PROVE anything to people, you will come off in a way you did not plan. Be aware of your old habits even as you start to adapt new ones. The shit creeps in fast. I have not said anything else to the potential plate, I think it’s best to let that go. Saturday morning I’m going to sign up at the gym so I can get back on my shit. If you haven’t done so, do it now.