So last week was fucking pathetic. Absolutely pitiful. The week before that even worse, cringe worthy.

For, the week before that, I had been finally proven wrong after 5 (FIVE...) years. It fucking hurts when you are proven wrong, add five years of denial and it stings like a bitch.

Let's start from the beginning of this long process.

I'm dating this girl. My first official date even, its highschool and I'm a senior dating a freshmen. Don't ask. Most women came off as basic wanna-be-barbie whores but this one girl piqued my interest, she was different. So we date for a while, 4 years, and everything is great. I think I've found an RPW (without knowing anything about RPW at the time, I knew from social observations that was the type that would lead to a successful relationship)

I became beta bux, I break up with her, yadda yadda, you get the idea. She wants to become fuck buddies cuz I'm good at sex. Eventually both of us start meeting other people and we date, each time she meets a new guy we stop fucking for a little while till it doesn't work out. Then we start up again. After five dates I see a trend in the mentality of girls. Being an IT guy, I go online to find a solution, found RP, immediately change my attitude, join a gym, etc. I instantly see results from girls, and my highschool FB meets a new guy, but this time asks me if she can fuck me on the weekends while she is dating this guy. She notices a change in me. Comments how muscular I've gotten, etc.

Hmmm... Interesting. I thought she was different, its why we dated in the first place, NAWALT right? Just most women are like that? I was lucky to find one that understood guys and wasn't like other women! Right!?

So I ignore my gut feeling and go with my nut feeling.

She invites me to her dorm to spend (fuck her) for the week, and I had nothing going on so I'm like, eh, sex multiple times a day for a week doesn't sound too bad.

I meet this guy and she is all giggly and twirling her hair the entire time right in front of him, laughing at his shit that ain't funny, etc. I never saw her like that. I got really mad. I couldn't care less about this guy, I feel no jealousy but anger that she never acted like this in front of me since we first dated. That part of her died off and I never saw it again.

Then it hit me, it died off because of my beta shit attitude and she lost interest and had just stayed on the hook cuz I always had a job and money.

Shit. AWALT.

So I realize RP was right about women, all women are like that. I am in such anger at myself I turned the whole week into a shit show, no sex, we didn't speak. I leave and when I get home I don't get out of bed for a week. The first day I didn't even drink or eat a single thing I was so mad at myself.

Once I accepted AWALT, something I've been rejecting my entire life, I felt better but I'm still in anger phase I can feel it.

TL;DR - Realized All Women Are Like This, Entered Anger Phase, I don't want to even think about women right now. I'm going monk mode for a while, anyone have suggestions?

I'm going to the gym and lifting twice as hard to burn off some of this self hate I've got. I thought I passed the anger phase and just accepted RP and was done. Now I know I've still got some work to do.