I've been trying to internalize and live the Red Pill way but after some failures and no real gains in social life, I just succumbed back to the old ways of pmo (porn, masturbation, orgasm). The feeling of being alone for so long and no real prospect to break that in foreseeable future is what makes me trapped in that shit. What's the point of trying if your SMV is too low but at the same time it will take me so much time to increase it to decent levels that I just can't deal with being alone and deprived of sexual pleasure, I've been like that since forever so it's really tiresome. At my current situation it could easily take me at least a whole year before I can even being going out and seeing people, that's how bad my state is. I just don't know how to deal with the whole situation, I know the whole law of sacrificing short term pleasure for long term gains but I don't think it's rationally possible to just shut yourself in a room for a year and work on yourself without having any real need for anything pleasurable, even if that pleasure is harmful. Another thing I've been contemplating on is just becoming a monk in terms of my mindset, giving up on everything but it's not something I really want, I actually want fulfilling relationships so I would be trying to get rid of something that I genuinely want.

I suspect some people might say "just go out anyway bro" but it really is not a good option if people are dismissive towards you and you know no one will get attracted to you at your current state. I am tired of those failures and I would rather do something else. Still, the problem is that I can't abandon porn, because it's literally the only way to feel any fulfillment (with people), even if artificial.