This might be a long post, I've just started writing it so I do not know yet.

I have been lurking on here for about 3 months. Learning and applying many of these principles to my life. I now lift 3-4 times a week, heavy. I eat right. Am doing my best to improve my life and work. But I have questions. This is the why and the how.

I've always been a bit of an outcast. This is due to my slightly different life than most people. I'm Western European, of middle eastern and north african roots. When I was 6 my father moved us to the USA, to Texas as he started his Sales/trading company. This was the mid 90s mind you so it was still a good place to be. I was immediately thrown into Suburban american Elementary school. After 5.5 years in Texas we moved to South Carolina and a year later, my mother, little brother and myself moved back to France, while my dad moved his now quite successful business to NYC.

I got a bit out of control after being put back into the French educational system and ended up hanging with the wrong people, smoking LOTS of weed, throwing parties that cost thousands in damages to the house, etc.... At the age of 15 my father sent me to the Middle-East (Jordan, so not like I was going to Afghanistan, although it felt like that was my punishment at the time) to live with his parents. This was the best he could do since he was now living and working in NY and my mother was keeping me and my brother in France while she basically stayed around the house doing nothing for money and abusing me (physically violent and emotionally destructive) while treating my brother like royalty, sheltering him to a weird point, etc...

Looking back on it I might have killed myself if I'd stayed under her rule.

After two years in Jordan and graduating from high school. I went to University in NY, France, then London where I met the girl who would later drive my life to the brink of chaos, let's call her V.

A bit about my parents, they are both pretty crazy, my mother especially so. When my father divorced her 2 years ago (I was 21, had just finished Uni and was forced to go back to France to take care of the mess) she attempted suicide 3 times in front of me. Since he was away and I was alone taking care of my brother and her shenanigans I ended up having to call an ambulance one night which resulted in her getting put into a psychiatric ward for 6 weeks. My little brother soon followed as the fact that she had turned her hate on him and the shit he was getting through this sort of environment caused him to go over the edge, he went to the police station, stripped naked and paraded in front of them. They brought him home, he jumped out of the window (10 foot drop), I had to literally chase him over 200 meters, tackle him then restrain him while the cops caught up with us.

After all this I decided to get the fuck away from my family, my brother went to my father for a few months and is now happily studying in university in Canada.

I went to London because I did not want to go work for my father, I thought it might be too easy of a path to take and wanted to throw myself into the professional world and life in general headfirst. I took an apartment with my Best friend of 10 years that I'd met in France, let's call him D. (Pretty alpha guy) and was playing guitar on a semi pro level at the time, working out, had a good job, spinning a few plates, life was good. In hindsight I was seriously beta in that relationship, but to the eyes of the world we were two Alphas living it up.

Enter V, a hot girl who is about 7 years older than me (I know...). She had been calling me to meet up for a few months after I returned to London so one day I was like whatever let's go see what happens. We had always been good friends and that night I was totally on top of my game, ended up fucking her, staying a few days having a sex marathon and it was good. She was hooked.

V is a girl from Eastern Europe, her mother died when she was 6, and her father abandoned her to go raise another family a bit before the death. She has some serious emotional trauma. A hard working girl with seriously good looks to boot. She moved to the UK at 21. Once divorced. She is now in a fake marriage for papers to stay in the UK (I knew this when I met her). The white knight in me saw this mess of a 30 year old girl and thought I'd save her, get married and start our family... I would be proven wrong.

I fell for her, hard. We were in love. None of my friends liked her (I have two best friends, one is D, the other is T, who is gay and through whom I met V, only mentioning the gay thing so you won't think I was picking up his leftovers), and she did seem to attract a lot of drama through her relationships, personal or professional (she works a shitty job in retail). I was always defending her and when we were together we were great. She was submissive, cleaned my apartment whenever she came over, cooked for me and generally acted like a good girlfriend. I started the relationship pretty well but gradually lost hold of her. She has drug problems but so did I at the time. And any hope I had of weaning myself off would disappear when she'd show up to my house with a gram of coke and a shaved pussy. In the end, I lost all power in the relationship. We moved in together after I lost my job. And shit started getting really bad. She was disrespecting me to my face, in front of other people. And I was a BP beta bitch who didn't have the balls or the knowledge to leave. The sex always was amazing, from the first day till the last. Which went like this.

T was visiting us from Berlin, me and V had a lot of tension at the time and argued non stop when we weren't fucking or smoking up together. One night she said, I don't want you sleeping in MY room (although we both paid rent). I told her she could always sleep on the sofa and I'll stay in the bed in that case. She got violent, throwing punches at me, some of which landed square on my skull. Pulled out a knife and came towards me with it (which i kicked out of her hand through prior Vovinim arts knowledge). I just blocked punches and pushed her away. Never threw a punch or kick at her, all the time laughing at her saying she hit like a girl (although being 1 inch taller than me and trained in Karate, this gave me searing headaches for 2 weeks after), was a crazy bitch, etc... (we were both fucked up on blow). At one point I realised we'd kill each other if this went on so I agreed to go back to the living room and wait for T there, and told her to stay the fuck away from me or I'd call the police. The next day I packed my bags and I left. Stayed at D's place for a week then moved to the Middle east (Dubai) where I now work with my dad's company.

I called her 1 month after, we Skyped for 2 nights in a row, talking about missing each other and love, etc... At one point I asked her, if she'd ever cheated on me. She said yes. this has shaken me to my core. I now know that all the times during our 2 year relationship where I had doubts about her fidelity, she actually HAD been sucking guys off and fucking them. While I was waiting at home for her to come lie to me.

Needless to say when she contacted me a week later to ask for a loan I told her to fuck off because I could not trust a Cheating slut. We don't talk anymore. I still think about her constantly and miss her. But when I think back to that last night, my heart starts pounding and getting anxious like I'm about to get into a fistfight.

I am now clean, working out, working hard and living a good life. I haven't been laid since breaking up with her 2.5 months ago. I've never had trouble with girls and lost my Virginity at 14. Have bedded about 18-20 girls since then. But I now find myself completely at a loss with what to do when it comes to females. But I know that girls will come back with my confidence and applied TRP principles.

Am I on the right track?

I was thinking today about tipping off immigration to her illegal and fake marriage, effectively Black knighting her. What are your thoughts on this?

Whatever you guys have to say will be most welcome. Don't hold anything back.