For context, I’m 19, she’s 18. We’ve been dating for four months and she’s always been the submissive one, working for my attention, paying for dates and gifts, clearing her schedule to meet me, etc. She basically worships me to win my validation, which is awesome!

One month ago I started being really busy because of examinations. I imposed a lot of accidental dread, saying I'll be studying at a female friend’s dorm, ignoring her texts for 2-4 days, because I truly was busy. During this time she would keep working for me, baking me cookies and coming all the way to my school just to see me, even if it’s just for an hour or two. In the beginning of this relationship I was fun, charming, flirtatious, but gradually I withdrew this from her as my mind focused on exams. Ultimately, I did not adhere to the 2/3 rule, and the fact that I had soft nexted her unintentionally made her feel like she was punished and neglected.

Anyway at one point, she couldn’t take it anymore, and began throwing emotional tantrums on the most trivial of things, especially if I don’t hangout with her once a week. This happened three or four times. I always held frame and she always apologized afterward and promised to make it up to me. But a few days ago, it happened again, and this time she broke up with me through text. Keep in mind this was only a few days before my examinations. Once again, I held frame, and as expected, she crawled back to me one day afterwards and apologized (again) for her emotional lashout and disrespecting me. She says she “fucked up” and begs me for a second chance and “wants me back”.

So the ball is in my court.

What she did was VERY disrespectful. Not only did she throw emotional tantrums for the most trivial things continuously, she broke up with me in a very sensitive time — a few days before my finals. She claims she learned the consequences, that she’ll try her best to suppress her hamster, and admits she “fucked up big time", but we all know better than to trust her on her words.

With that said, I intend to give her this chance. There are three reasons to this: (i) she works hard to please me; (ii) the reason she was emotional in the first place was because she essentially couldn’t get enough of me, which isn’t the worst reason and; (iii) she’s very self-aware, and admits that, in hindsight, she acted this way because she “thought breaking up will get my attention”. Clearly, it didn’t, because I held frame and heartlessly ignored her. The fact that she was able to spot her own hamster impressed me.

So I seek your advice on how I should go about this. I want to do this from a position of power. She is to feel that this is her final straw, and must work even harder to please me and gain my affection (which I will slowly reward), and if she were to ever challenge my authority she will be punished. She needs to feel that guilt that she fucked up big time and I’m doing her the world’s biggest favor by forgiving her and granting her a chance to be with me again.

UPDATE:

The way I see it is I have two options:

  1. Fatherly: Be strict, firm, serious. Demand that she knows what she fucked up, that it's not cool to do that when I'm having exams, and that I won't tolerate this again.

  2. DGAF: Be nonchalant, playful and be sarcastic. Act like it didn't affect me at all, that it wasn't a big deal and didn't affect me at all.

I'm quite confused. How do I assert my boundaries while acting like its no big deal (when it is)??