i actually took a break from all this red pill stuff for about half a year now, and i think thats good because the red pill can make you kind of hate woman.

im working a lot on myself. even did long before i found trp.

i like girls a lot, so its a good place to get tips but trp also somehow fucked me up. it made so manipulative, i watch every action i do in a conversation with a girl so closely not to appear needy or whatever. it just killed my own personal flow of interacting with girls. also when texting, it always feels like a fight over who has the most power.

personally i think i should go back, more to like who i was before i found trp. it feels like i give a lot more fucks now what a girl thibks of me, i only try to fuck them not to really know each other. also when i am with a girl it forces me to keep up this persona i created which really is annoying and i dont evem get to enjoy myself when with a girl because i always have to make surw i act cool and what not.

only problem is its kind of hard to get this out of my system. i actually feel kind of brain washed. whenever i fuck up with a girl who i was just myself with i get all angry and think to myself that trp is the only way, that i have to put on a persona und treat them like shit, which makes me go back and forth and totally confused about who i am actually allowed to be and how to act, or if i should act or not just be my self.