Worried about performance issues after marriage

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February 19, 2020

I’m divorced, mid-40s. My gf is late 20s and while we started off having an intense sexual relationship we both knew that’s not what we wanted. We want to live right until marriage and there have been a few slip ups that were embarrassing and disappointing due to issues on my end. I felt guilty and stressed about breaking our commitment and it impacted me physically. My gf has expressed concern that she’s marrying an impotent man. I told her that i’m glad the issue happened as it kept us from crossing a line.

BUT i am worried too - is it going to get better? is it going to be worse? is it worth carrying all of this into a new marriage? can this be addressed in pre-marital counseling?

Post Information
Title Worried about performance issues after marriage
Author guitargeek2389
Upvotes 2
Comments 5
Date 19 February 2020 10:20 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/338941
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/f68xu4/worried_about_performance_issues_after_marriage/
Similar Posts

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm glad to hear you've decided to honor God, that's awesome!

  • Is porn an issue in your life? Masturbation?

  • As u/markreadsred asked, is it PE or ED?

It sounds like the issue is in your thoughts rather than your equipment. I did some searching and thought these two articles had some pretty good suggestions:

You may also find this post and comment string helpful.

My gf has expressed concern that she’s marrying an impotent man. I told her that i’m glad the issue happened as it kept us from crossing a line.

This is concerning to me. Every man experiences a problem maintaining an erection from time to time. If she's not willing to work through that with you, then maybe she's not the right one for you. While she has every right to be concerned, expressing it like that may just be making the problem worse. You will need to think and pray on this.

In the meantime, for the physical part, there are several different exercises you can do to strengthen your sexual muscles.

[–]markreadsred1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd second this as well. relationships and sex problems are never 100% one party's problem.

[–]markreadsred2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

PE or ED?

I would need to know some health stats first but most guys with either of these need a healthier lifestyle to allow for better blood pressure for ED or in the case of PE, you might just need practice.

Or it could be nerves and guilt hijacking your penis.

I know a lot of guys who struggle with porn develop ED because of it and it's not a simple exchange to get rid of it. If you use, not assuming you do, cut that crap out.

As for PE. There is nothing in the bible that says masturbation outside of a lust context is wrong. Maybe you need to start building up your stamina. Once a week, choke the chicken with no one else around and nothing to inspire you. Focus on your pleasure not a fantasy or image in your head and learn how your body feels while it has and maintains an erection. When you can do this with no erotic stimuli, adding it on the honeymoon makes it the icing on the cake as it were.

Two cents.

[–]hopeunseen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hard to give insight without stats. If you're not in great shape, that could be an easy fix. If it's the result of a past or current history with pornography, cutting that out immediately is the first thing to do.

TBH unless you're already ripped, you should be making fitness, diet and the gym your main priority right now - No matter what you're going to see all sorts of positive benefits from this, and being overweight is one of the main causes of ED

Last note: If you're having these issues and it's a physical problem, it's caused by poor circulation to the blood vessels that allow you to have an erection

Your manhood is the proverbial canary in the mine that is your body... Problems with an erection can be a major sign of clogged arteries in particular and or other health issues.

My sister's friend growing up had a Dad in his mid 40's playing hockey who literally dropped dead of a heart attack in the middle of the game one day. He was active, reasonably fit, and had no idea there were issues. Don't mess around here.

Personal recommendation: Look into trying a whole foods, preferably plant based diet for say 30 days. You'll lose weight, your cholesterol will drop significantly, and you'll give your body a chance to clear out and reverse any plaque buildup if that is what is going on.


Give this a read on diet vs medication for ED: https://nutritionfacts.org/2014/05/20/pills-vs-diet-for-erectile-dysfunction/

[–]dr7throwaway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like others said get your general health checkup. High blood pressure is a common cause too.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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