TLDR: played nice, devoted all efforts into a 3 year relationship, got cheated on hard.

So me (27) and my girlfriend (21) started dating 3 years ago. In my past relationships I was unfaithful, kind of an asshole, and generally pretty guarded. I never ended up happy and it always turned out crappy so I decided, "hey maybe I'll do this one by the book."

I went to dinner with a friend and she was a cute blonde hostess, young with a great body and pretty blue eyes. I had been single for about a year at this point, which was pretty crazy, lots of girls in and out but I was ready for something a little more permanent. So I slip her my phone number and begin the texting game. A short while later after we had hung out a couple times and hooked up I took her to a wedding and we got drunk and ended up smashing in the coat closet. I was impressed on many levels and that's the night I asked her to be my girlfriend.

The relationship started off rocky, she still lived in her home town about an hour away from my college town. She still had a highschool mentality which I eventually broke through lots of logical talks and reasoning. I did however realize I was way ahead of her in relationship maturity and it would be the bane of my existence for the next few years.

She ended up moving to my college town and starting classes there, moving in an apartment a block away. Life was pretty good. We settled down, began to be more like an adult couple.

Then trouble struck. I went away for training and she stayed in the college town.

I am an army veteran, sniper, and experienced reconnaissance and surveillance scout. In my 15 month tour in Afghanistan I developed an excellent sixth sense of when something is not right. Like a spider sense. I was point on all the patrols and frequently would radio up "hey we are about to get hit" then boom a few minutes latter we hear that all too familiar crack crack crack. Anyways I brought this sixth sense back with me.

Upon returning from training my spider sense was going wild. I ignored it for a bit then finally gave in and snooped on her phone.

She had been texting a guy, and talking to her friends about wanting to hook up with him. This is at 3 am and she is passed out drunk.

I gather my belongings and leave for my hometown in the middle of the night. As hurt as I was I kissed her on the cheek before I left and left a note saying "I'm sorry I wasn't enough"

This is where it should have ended. I know.

Upon waking up she called and began to lie and lie until I sent her screen shots of what I had read. She began to cry and beg. I stopped responding. For a little bit. Then I was struck by her humbleness when she called and apologized to all of my friends and even told her dad (who loved me) what she had done.

I returned and we worked things out. For a bit she was on lockdown, let me look at her phone when I felt worried, didn't go out, basically began rebuilding trust.

My rational for returning to her was this. All my life I had fucked up. I am one of those people that learns best through making mistakes and failing. I may mess it up the first time but God damned if I didn't do it 100% the second time. There were many people in my life that never gave me that second chance. I saw so much of myself in her that I figured maybe for this one time I will give someone else a second chance.

Everything thing went well. We began to become closer than ever. I realized I had absolutely fallen in love with this girl. I loved every flaw, every freckle, every moment I spent with her. I was fully prepared to carry this one to the end.

Every fight we had was me preventing things that would potentially push us apart. I devoted all my effort into the relationship.

A year goes by. This summer began rocky. Her sex drive plummeted. I fought to fix this because I knew I wouldn't want to marry someone who I didn't have a good sex life with. This caused lots of tension.

Then she went on a trip to Nashville, I was generally cool with it. Even though we had trust issues I generally believed she wouldn't cross the line and she deserved to have some fun with friends.

Upon returning from her trip all hell broke loose. She began being more distant. She started complaining that I didn't like her going out and she felt trapped (I didn't enjoy her going out but I never told her she couldn't, I just wanted her to make the effort to make me comfortable with it)

I caught her in a lie one week. She went out with friends and then she said "I'm home now" so I FaceTimed her. She ignored it. She quickly changed her story and said, I lied, I'm at Brittany's because I was too drunk to drive home.

Cue spider sense at full alert.

About a week later something similar happens. She says she went out to dinner with her roommates. She says "I'm home now" I facetime her. She ignores it and gets angry saying I don't trust her and she's going to bed.

Spider sense off the charts. I face time her multiple times and get ignored.

So being a man of action like I am I do something rash. I drive 3 hours down to her apartment at 3 am.

Once I arrive her car is nowhere to be found. She lied again.

So I wait. 8am she comes flying in. Gets out of her car wearing a sexy "going out" dress and hair all messed up.

I call and she finally answers. She lies and says she just woke up. Says she slept at her apartment. I tell her she's lying. She says how do you know. I told her I followed her from where she was.

We then talk in her apartment for about an hour. She admits she's been going out and staying "on the couch" at some guys apartment and she hasn't done anything "wrong"

Then I note a distinct bruising pattern on her neck.

"Oh well we only made out last night at the bar but we have never had sex"

I leave.

Now I'm sad. I lost a huge part of my life. I have been betrayed. I lost my best friend. I failed.

This was yesterday. Today I get back up. Knock off the dust and move foreword.

I plan on using this sub as a lighthouse in this dark time to guide me out of this shitty storm.

All advice and questions are welcome.

Oh and if YOU are reading this because I know you have my username. This is for you.

[You are a horrible person, you may forget that when you're out at the bar half drunk surrounded by people who don't actually care about you. You will lie and say we didn't work or I was an asshole, you will lie about how it ended, you will say you're happy now. But you know it's not true, and you will remember in the real world, not the bar, that you are a lier and a cheater. No one will love you like I shouldn't have.]

Now I move foreword.