FDS has been quite eye opening and there is so much stuff on here that has really opened my eyes and provided a lot of perspective to how I view relationships with men.

However there are two dogmas in FDS that I don't agree with - and to be honest I think have some room for leniency within the FDS model.

The first is the idea that every date must be dinner or something similar to indicate a man is willing to "invest" in you - more than just coffee/a walk/etc. Well to be honest - I'm a pretty busy professional with limited free time and a dinner date is something I reserve for my close friends and family. I don't want to spend 2-3 hours with a man until I'm sure he's worth that much time. I DON'T WANT TO INVEST THE TIME! I actually prefer a quick date - such as a coffee date - because if we just don't click I have wasted minimal time with this person. And I can easily escape - for instance I went on a coffee date recently with a relatively nice polite considerate man BUT I just wasn't attracted to him. Despite liking his pictures and reasonable conversation beforehand, I found him awkward and just not my type and very early on I knew I wouldn't want to pursue anything. I easily ended the date after 20 minutes because my coffee was paid for and it was an easy setting to excuse myself from. This would've been impossible in the dinner date setting - I'd have to sit through at least the main course and probably a drink and dessert despite knowing that I'm not interested and I don't want to pursue this person. This guy was a nice enough man who I just wasn't into - mid-dinner ditching would be rude and unnecessary. But ditching a coffee date was easy and when I texted him later on letting him know I wouldn't be interested in a date #2 we left off on good terms - which is important since he is a friend of a friend and someone I may casually run into again!

For a second date once interest is established - yes then I expect dinner or something more than a quick date - now I have decided to invest my time. But for the first date - unless I know this person well and there has been some established interest - I like something where I can not waste too much time! For me, the point isn't the MANS monetary investment in ME - but MY time investment in HIM!

Now for this second concept I see on here that I don't necessarily agree with - "when he's into you he'll do things immediately - like propose". I mean...I don't make big life decisions without some time to think them through. A proposal after 6ish months of dating would be WAY too fast for me - especially considering the timelines FDS advocates for. If I've waited 3 months to sleep with a guy until we are serious and he's committed to me....then how come I need just another few months to accept to be with him forever? The end goal is NOT a proposal - it's finding someone who you are compatible with that respects you and shares your values. For me - I'd probably need 1-2 years before I'd be comfortable with this - because marriage is a pretty hard thing to entangle yourself from so I want to be very sure before making that big commitment.

Some things I'd require before an engagement - that we have traveled together, that our families have met and interacted well, that we've had all the serious discussions regarding kids, career plans, etc. I wouldn't live with a man until we're engaged - but I would want to be spending adequate time at each others place to get an idea of house rules, cleanliness, etc. I'd want to have had a least one disagreement about something - it's inevitable that couples will occasionally have arguments and it's important to see how your partner argues (are they mean? do they shut down? do they compromise?). I don't find 6-9 months is nearly enough time to answer these questions - at least for someone like me!

All this to say - I LOVE the FDS way and have been really altering my dating habits since finding this group. However I do find there is a lot of rigidity in the thinking - there is ONE way and no alternatives. People's comfort level and personal plans are different - and I think FDS should embrace this! For me - its these two particular tenets I see as maybe not so fitting for most people's lives.

Thoughts?