Summary: Reforming a beta like me is way harder than it looks. Wanted to score on a business trip to a small town, but totally fucked it up (and its my fault). Just wanted to share a reality check for the new guys who think you've "got it".

Body:

I've been around TRP for almost a year and it totally clicked for me in a HUGE way. I totally woke up, and every single interaction I've had with women, good and bad, totally made sense. I got almost nothing through college and years after because of ME.

Like a lot of new guys here, you hang around for a while and TRP really clicks....it becomes second nature in how you view the world..you're awake and think you know what's going on. You are accurately able to see the problems in other guy's relationships or dating failures. You even see them in yourself. But the hard part is changing the beta you are. I learned that the hard way this week.

Long story short, I was in a small, remote town for a business trip and decided to head out on the town and try to meet some local ladies. My usual MO was buy some beers and chill in my room, but this time I really wanted to go out, have fun, and get laid. That didn't happen....for a variety of reasons, and I wanted to share them as a reality check for other new guys who think you "get it".

I think this would apply to really anyone in a smaller town....this probably would have been a different story in a big city.

I did a few things right, and many things wrong (or, rather, just failed to do the right things).

I started off doing the right thing....I asked a local guy I was with where the good spots were. He told me of a few, and gave me the names of people working there and who owned them. THIS WAS A GOOD THING. Guys, if you're in a new area, getting to know some locals is a game changer. If you are travelling for business, start with the guys you are working with and pick their brains.

I headed out to one of those spots and, to be honest, was a bit intimidated. I knew no one (most of the co-workers were also transient, the one guy I was talking to wasn't going down town), and was alone. If you're a recovering beta, you know that feeling. I decided to really not give a fuck. I got a beer, headed out to the deck, and just did my own thing. It was a really pretty spot, on the water. The place wasn't very busy, so I decided to practice some outcome independence / not trying too hard. I was enjoying my beer, by myself, on the deck. Doing me. After a while two guys came out for a smoke. One of them joked about the rules saying they needed to ask anyone's permission to smoke on premises. I said I wouldn't tell on them (got a laugh). The other guy said he was going to light up anyway and I responded (to the other guy) with "But he still didn't ask..." got more laughs. It was funnier there, but we all bonded. Great social truth......brief, clever wit can turn strangers into friends. We started talking....turns out they were in town on business too, also in a technical field. We start shooting the shit. I eventually ask about getting food (it was late and they were closing the deck) and the waitress was accommodating. I joked with her, asked her name, etc.

HB7 shows up. She knew the two guys from earlier that night (5pm) when they were at the same place for drinks (left and came back). They hit it off with her due to that social proof. She mentioned to the younger guy that she saw him a few weeks ago driving through town in his work van. Uh oh.....my antennas go up. She remembered him from seeing him in a vehicle briefly? She has the hots for him. I'm behind. She casually takes a place near him and lights up/orders a beer (holy fuck did people smoke in this town....). Her every move, while subtle, is telling me she has a goal. Him. A year ago I wouldn't have noticed any of this. I decide to go with outcome independence and NOT try too hard. I would have in the past.

As the night goes on, she starts stealing some of his food....asks to share his beer.....its obvious what she wants (find out he is engaged, but he went along with it). I find some unique common ground with her and interact well. I also make an effort to NOT give her too much attention. That's a previous fault of mine. I noticed out of my peripheral vision (which is very good) that many times when I'd talk to her, and immediately turn to someone else and lock with them that she'd look at me briefly and hold her gaze. Now.....that's an IOI, but was nothing like she was giving this guy. Since she was continuing to broadcast her interest in this dude, I decided that trying too hard with her would communicate that I was just an oblivious beta vying for her affection. I had lost before starting, so I gave her some shit, talked to her, but did not focus on her. I think this did get her attention some.....especially since Guy #2 WAS giving her extra attention for being a pretty girl. I decided to not care.

As the night wore on, her game with the dude was evident, and he was caving. I ended up talking to the local folks and eventually met the restaurant owner (whose name I knew from the co-worker) and gave me instant credibility. She talked with me at length (husband was there....wasn't trying anything with her). The restaurant was closing and everyone was out with us on the back deck smoking and having some beers. It was a good time. HB7 was isolating her prey.

They decided to close early. Guy 2 asks what else was open and they gave us a name. Guy 1 says "Lets all go there (leader of men, Guy 1 gets another point) and we all go. In an improvement for me, I did not ask permission to join them or some other cringey shit. I decided to go and went. So me, the two guys, and HB7 go to the next bar.

Very soon after, she's got her boobs all up on Guy 1, they're getting touchy, and go find an isolated spot. I was right....she had made up her mind two weeks ago. Just before HB7 goes off with Guy 1 she introduces me to an HB2 (older woman) at the bar who is very chatty and touchy. But she knows everyone. I decide to be nice and talk to her....I had a few drinks, and I like getting to know people. She was related to money, too. Soon after she's introducing me to people....so and so is the harbor master, so and so is with the local Coast Guard base..... Before long I'm yucking it up with the bartender (HB6) and another chick HB7, giving them shit (bartender couldn't figure out credit cards on their machine). I keep drinking....they poured heavy and I quickly went from "in the zone" to "drunk". HB7 and I were getting along great, lots of kino (new for me), until suddenly she says "Wait.....who are you....I don't remember you..". FUCK. She's drunk. That's over. Old HB7 and Guy 1 are gone and Guy 2 is playing pool. I decide to bail and went back to my motel....work was in 6 hours anyway.

After work today, I decided to back to the original place tonight (good place, good food) and wait to see if HB7 came back (she worked there in the afternoons and seemed to hang out there at night). I knew the Guys were leaving today, so I thought maybe I could pick up with HB7 who seemed to be quite a slut from her stories (single mom, no boyfriend, tattoos, trainwreck kind of life). I was right...she showed up eventually and ignored me. I asked her a question when she came out to the deck, she answered politely, and got a table in the corner with two guys. Old me would have kept trying.......new me know I had been told "I have zero interest" I caught pieces of her conversation with the guys and it sounded like some shit went down the previous night. Lesson: don't make assumptions.

The HB8 restaurant owner was also in a very bad mood (unrelated to me).

A good band was playing tonight and the place filled up. Everyone there knew everyone else. I decided to try just not caring about anyone else and doing my thing, not even staring at girls (the beta go-to and kiss of death for real attraction). I did notice a few girls noticing me.....the one thing going for you in a small town is you are the "who is that guy?" curiousity object. Don't give off a beta vibe and you can build a base level of interest.

After a while a local I met the night before comes up and starts talking to me. He points out two girls HB5 and HB8 and says that HB5 was a nurse involved in a major accident that he responded to and how she stopped some major bleeding. As a combat vet, even he was impressed. I saw an opportunity.....ask "So who is the hero nurse?" to the pair and start a conversation. Ask HB8 what she does and unless the answer was "fighter pilot" tell her that's boring/not as interesting as her friend and turn away to HB5 with a grin. Get some playful combat going (I liked HB8).

I saw them go over to the bar as a pair and knew this was the time to act. But did I? NO. I hesitated. My drink wasn't done. You all know the bullshit, pussy excuses we make up. By the time I went over they were separated slightly and the original script didn't work. I just ordered a drink and went back to my spot listening to the band. They weren't together the rest of the night. By an hour later, I realized I needed to get to bed for work soon and nothing would happen tonight. I had totally blown it. I had a few girls still giving me some looks, but what was really going to happen at 11:30 on a work night?

I'm writing this now, and can still here the music down the street. I'm severely disappointed in myself. I failed. I'm still functionally very beta despite a strong understanding of the theory. This change thing is a real bitch. The only redeeming thing to come out of these two nights is some lessons learned for me and maybe for others.

Lessons Learned:

Good: Get to know locals in new places. They have social proof....use them as a springboard. Women will award you points even for seeing you talk to an unattractive local. You now have SOME finite social status.

Wear something distinctive. I stayed in my very bright work shirts and got more attention this time than I've gotten in the past. I also still feel self conscious being obvious and wanted the opportunity to kill a bit of that beta by being noticeable.

Whatever you are doing, act like you are perfectly content to keep doing it. I was alone, enjoying the scenery and my beer when the Guys, HB7, the restaurant owners, and a few locals eventually joined in. They were closing the deck, turning lights off when I got out there and I stayed because no one asked me to leave and I wanted to be there. Others joined me, not the other way around. Be the trend setter, and do what YOU want to do. IDGAF. Some activities are better than others, but if you are a beta, at least start by learning to not give a fuck what others think about what you are doing. Apparently that's still the level I'm at.

Don't make assumptions. I assumed HB7 had a hot night with Guy 1. Apparently not. Start to think like an intelligence officer and decide that you don't know what you don't actually know. Despite not offending HB7 at all, just my association with them the night before apparently made her totally cold to me. Shit happens. At least I didn't embarrass myself by trying to force something tonight. It was over, move on. She was not in a horny mood like last night....she was obviously pissed, and pissed about the night before.

While I'm against the "sex if she's had a glass of wine is rape" trope, know when to STOP with a girl. I'm glad I didn't force the issue with the girl who was all over me then forgot who I was.

BAD:

I didn't really approach until I was almost too drunk to be clever. And nothing happened! Surprise surprise. I failed and it was my fault.

I hesitated with HB5 and HB8 tonight. I had a good opportunity from the local guy's story about the "hero nurse"....and I failed to act. THERE IS NEVER A "RIGHT TIME". Just fucking do it. I'm so mad at myself right now. What's there to loose? Its a remote town 6 hours from where I live. I should have approached.

Be realistic. While I enjoyed the opportunity to try and learn, at some point, decide when the night is over. I went too late the first night, drank too much, and had a miserable morning. All my fault. I'm glad I'm about to go to bed now.

Get to the bar earlier rather than later. People bar-hop, and seeing someone for a second time even in a night builds a small bond. Remember, just about everyone else is looking for a "friend" too. The Guys started early and had more social proof at the same spots, despite being just as new as me. ALSO....you know how intimidated you are by people who are already at a spot? Yeah.....that's how you make others feel if you are already there. Someone else on the front page has a similar story.....if you're going out, go out early and build social proof that will be apparent to those who show up later, or again.

While you want to use local contacts, be careful....you don't know how someone is viewed in a small town. I got the sense that the co-worker who gave me the restaurant owner's names and a few others wasn't as well known by them and might have had a poor reputation. Get and use info, but, again, don't make assumptions about how people are known in town. Co-Worker was a good guy, but sounds like he had a bit of a rough past. Small towns have LONG memories.

I have no idea what Guy 1 did, but apparently even if a girl wants you, was thinking about you, is all over you, isolates you, and basically screams "FUCK ME ALREADY" you can STILL fuck it up.

Don't drink too much.

Learn from my mistakes, you fellow recovering betas. Killing your inner beta is damn hard....and you won't know how bad it is until you put it out there. I still have a long way to go.