Am I a virgin?

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January 8, 2020

Well, technically I'm still a virgin. But I'm not sure if I'm virgin in biblical sense.

I never had an intercourse in my life. With or without condoms, never. But I get blowjobs and oral every now and then, coz it's too difficult for me to ignore. So I engage in this.

My question is, does this count as adultery? What does Bible mean by becoming one flesh? Is it only intercourse or any sexual engagement? What does Paul mean by "flee sexual immorality"?

Update: I'm a guy!

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Title Am I a virgin?
Author SubhumanOxford
Upvotes 3
Comments 9
Date 08 January 2020 05:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
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[–]redwall924 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm not a fan of what I see as a scarcity mindset which this sort of question typically comes from.

But as far as answering your question, I'll throw this out as my response.

If I found my wife sucking some dude off or if I found my wife getting eaten out by some dude (or lady), I'd pursue a divorce based on grounds of adultery. And the law would agree and therefore eliminate alimony payments (in my state).

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe I wasn't clear with my response... I'll flip it.

If my wife found me getting sucked off by some gal (or some guy), or if she found me eating out some other woman, then she'd probably pursue divorcing me on grounds of adultery. And the state would agree.

[–]SubhumanOxford[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why would you say this to be scarcity mindset?

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If the only reason I'm not out banging other women is because I might lose my wife, then that's a scarcity mindset IMO. That's a red-flag to me that I've got work to do in my own head as to how I'm living my life.

I want to live my life in such a way that I'm not making choices to keep from loosing something. I don't want to spend my life trying to keep a grasp on what I've got - fearful I may lose it at any moment. I want to spend my life reaching for what I want because it's important to me.

In a sense I understand your question and hear its value. You want to enjoy your sexuality ... lawfully ... according to your own values. At least that's what I think I'm hearing. So here in this forum, maybe you're throwing out a question like this one to hear other voices ... maybe try on some ideas and see if they fit you or your values. So in that sense, I understand your question.

In a larger sense, I try to identify those areas where I am living in a fear-based or scarcity mindset ... and then I do the internal work to figure out what I want to live for. Then figure out how to go do it.

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Chastity/purity is not a line. It's a direction. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin (you're not). It matters if you're in sin.

My question is, does this count as adultery? What does Bible mean by becoming one flesh? Is it only intercourse or any sexual engagement? What does Paul mean by "flee sexual immorality"?

  1. Adultery is a married person having sex with another that is not their spouse. Single or married.
  2. "One flesh" is when a man and a woman come together in the covenant of marriage and consummate the marriage with sex. Sex by itself is not marriage. Paul makes the analogy in 1 Corinthians 6 that you shouldn't have sex with prostitutes because you don't want to be uniting in unholy matters (even though it's not a marriage, it's still a sinful act that mimics the one flesh in marriage).
  3. As said prior, chastity is not a line it's a direction. Flee sexual immorality. This is pretty clear throughout the Bible.

Sexual immorality:

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

If you're not married, it's good not to touch women, especially if you're tempting yourself. Flee temptations.

Repent and sin no more.

[–]SubhumanOxford[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the reply.

I'm feeling terrible now for doing what I did.

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm feeling terrible now for doing what I did.

Conviction is a good thing, but move past it to what matters by focusing on God's mission and doing what is right!

[–]Billy_King0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If it has sex in the name, it counts as sex. So oral sex and anal sex would be considered sex

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wish this sub didn't filter possibly offensive words. Sometimes a certain word communicates better than any other ...

You ever been eye-ef'd by a woman? It's got the word in it. Does that mean it would be considered ef-ng?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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