How can I support my best friend who‘s ex fiancé died?

bearbludaddy · 2020-03-28T23:30:38+00:00

Be honest. Be direct. We're men.

"Bro, you need anything. Fucking anything. Text me, call me. No clue how to help you but I'll do whatever I can. Even if it's just get a beer to have some normalcy."

Then do what you can, when you can.

SavorThePill · 2020-03-29T01:15:57+00:00

People rarely recover from certain traumas. Your friend now probably feels responsible for her death. I have a friend who lost his child to a woman who either aborted the child, or put the child up for adoption (I had never been clear on the details and didn't seek to needle the wound).

His woman had her reasons at the time, long story, but it ended up putting him in a state of perpetual anguish that I don't believe he has ever truly recuperated from. It's not like he's been locked in his room in fetal position for a year after, but I could easily identify that he's never been the same since. My friend had a rough upbringing, but I knew him for a while before that pivotal movement in his life and can say with certainty that losing his opportunity to become a father changed him forever (he was thrilled to become a father). He also lost the woman, whom he had loved deeply. Say what you will about my friend, but dude use to be a badass alpha type so you don't know shit if you're going to come with accusations of him being BP or beta. That wasn't his nature--he just got heavily involved.

Anyway, your friend will be a changed man. The good news is, he can find strength from overcoming this hardship. The bad news is, your friend will likely suffer for a while.

My recommendation is to spend time with your friend. Our current climate might preclude the capability to meet up, so you could at least settle for video chats, phone calls, etc. If he wants to talk about it, then listen. Avoid implying how he should feel or go about his life as he moves forward. He might go to a dark place for a while; if that's the case, let him. Give him the space he needs if necessary, but do reach out from time to time to see if he's alright. Don't bring up the matter yourself. Spend time on anything else but the source of his pain. When spending time with him or communicating with him, focus on diversions: games, TV shows or movies, miscellaneous topic or personal stories...hell, even politics.

For all intents and purposes, you should actually convey that life is business as usual. You will re-calibrate his psyche back to a sense of normalcy and consistency in doing so. Yes, the above methods for supporting your friend probably seem passive, but he's grieving. He will grieve how he's going to grieve, no matter how you would try to disrupt or try to get him to snap out of it.

Your friend will appreciate you if you choose to stick around. It could get ugly, possibly requiring back up (his family, police, paramedics, etc.) if things really go south--but you will also have proven both to him and yourself equally the measure of yourself as a man. You'll be the rock, the unwavering warrior that carries him through the storm.

If helping your brother get through hell isn't alpha, I don't know what is. Godspeed, good sir.

WhatRemainsAfter · 2020-03-29T00:01:29+00:00

Be there for him - if you just want to support.

But if you want to help him, Rip the bandage off. He is being a pussy and drama queen. Human race is literally dying everyday.

Title	How can I support my best friend who‘s ex fiancé died?
Author	sapnu8puas
Upvotes	3
Comments	4
Date	March 28, 2020 11:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fqv4ir/how_can_i_support_my_best_friend_whos_ex_fiancé/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-can-i-support-my-best-friend-whos-ex-fiance.358289 https://theredarchive.com/post/358289

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