I’m a 22 year old from Ireland. Heavy beta male. So I’ll start on some things that happened in my early life that have had a long lasting effect on my life. When I was 8 my father killed himself, my best friend and left a huge hole in my life. My mother is a bitch. I love her as a mother, but we’re never going to have a functional relationship. She doesn’t give me general advice and tells me “you’re an adult now, figure it out yourself”, really unsupportive. I’m out here on my own with no support system.

Going into my last year of college (4 years) in September, studying Construction Management (hate it). Have to present myself to a judge next month for a charge on dangerous driving (just speeding, no drugs, alcohol or other people involved), I’m going to get fucked in the ass by the judge and I know this due to the fact that I have no luck in life. My dream in life is to be a pilot which will never happen (don’t have 80/100k). So, I’m feeling a bit lost. I’m not an idiot, I’m not lazy, I’m not stupid and I don’t make excuses. I support myself, I have a full time job, the pay isn’t great, I do struggle but I manage. I believe that I’ve made a good man out of myself considering I’ve had no fatherly figure for basically my entire life. But I’ve been struggling a lot.

I have battled with mental health issues since my mid-teens. I didn’t do anything about it. Sucked it up, put on a brave face and tried to plough through the days. Lately I’m feeling what’s the point in my life? Why am I here? Why do I continue this struggle when nothing brings me happiness? Why should I keep going when nothing will go well for me? I have a constant knotted feeling in my stomach and there’s something somewhere pushing me to suicide. I’m not looking for anyone telling me not to or looking for sympathy - just some guidance because I can’t get it anywhere else.

Other than that, I do live a healthy life. I do go to the gym 5/6 days a week (covid has stopped this). I have friends, pretty good with women too. I eat well, I’m not skinny but not heavy built and I can never feel good enough for anything or capable. I just hate every aspect of my life outside of the positives that I just stated. I feel like stuck. I feel like I can’t excel and I feel held back from being the person that I want to be and to live the life I want to. Not looking at being anything unrealistic (billionaire rapper nfl player and pro boxer).

I would greatly appreciate any advice and input that you gentlemen could give me, maybe some could relate.

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