About four months ago, I learned that my live-in girlfriend of seven years had been cheating on me since July. I've posted about this previously. I moved out on Christmas Day, took a break for the holidays, and moved into my own place on January 6th. Because the rental market where I live now is insanely tight and expensive, we had to live together for a couple of months, which was pretty unpleasant, but that's done now.

As of yesterday, I've been living in the new place for a month. I'm a living example of the most direct kind of going your own way. Here's what I've noticed.

First, the new place is absolutely gorgeous. I didn't realize how much I had compromised in the old places, but because I found it, instead of living there by default, it's much, much nicer. Sunlight, hardwood floors, everything.

Second, the transition took a LOT of work and money. This for me meant everything from hiring carpenters to put in shelves to buying a couch to figuring out what kind of shit I needed for the kitchen, which is still ongoing. GYOW is not cheap or quick.

Third, it took some time to get used to being alone. The first few weeks were occasionally really hard, especially at night. I haven't lived on my own for twenty years, and here I am. Especially in the middle of the night, the solitude can be challenging.

Fourth -- and this is the good part -- because there's nobody around to question my decisions, tell me who I am or what I'm doing wrong (she called me, among other things, a dinosaur, a bigot, and worse) I can feel my self-image changing and evolving because I finally am taking myself seriously. This is the essence of what I'm writing about here, but when you GYOW, for real, it also means that you're making a commitment to yourself. You're not allowing someone else's opinions or perspective on your life to have any airtime anymore. You get to know yourself.

For instance, I work out at the gym every day. Bit by bit, the morning routine is now set up to support that and make it easier. The coffee is laid out the night before. I go to bed REALLY early, so I can get up REALLY early, so I can be in the gym early and get the work done. Part of this is logistics, and part of it is the result of making a complete commitment to my goals, and creating an environment that supports and reinforces that instead of compromising it.

This new life is very quiet and very focused, because there aren't any distractions. It's also incredibly calm and peaceful. I can feel myself gradually giving less and less of a shit about a lot of stuff I used to devote hours to because her behavior sort of drove that. I'm not living with someone who makes me unhappy or wastes my time (example: whenever we were going anywhere, she would make me wait at least twenty minutes, which drove me up the wall) so a lot of stress is no longer in the mix. And your life has a kind of authenticity that it didn't before. You're really living your values and priorities.

More later, but so far, this is great.