You guys have probably heard plenty of stories about Betas saying 'fuck this' and changing themselves to become Alphas. Well here's another one. Deal.

I had recently asked a girl I liked out. She was sweet, smart, funny and kind. All that good shit. I thought she'd been giving me vibes so eventually I plucked up some courage and went to ask her out. I see now this was my first mistake. I asked for her permission to have a relationship with her. I placed her value above my own and for this reason she shot me down and friend zoned me.

I was pretty cut up. The pattern had repeated itself again. This is generally how I had tried to manage my relationships until that point. I would fall for a girl, build her up in my mind, ask her out, get shot down. Ad infinitum. I spoke to my Dad about this. He said I shouldn't lose faith but instead wait for the right person and not get too cut up over individual failures. I still don't know what to make of this.

What made this example worse was the fact that I worked with two of her friends. Clearly they had been filled in on the situation. One of them asked me 'So you like to be dominated then?' I said nothing at the time but really I wanted to backhand her and violently penetrate her with a fucking corkscrew. She was soon promoted by my female boss. I'll come to the repercussions of this later. The second friend started to use me. Constantly making demands, piling work on me, making bitchy comments, grassing me in at every opportunity and generally trying to make my life difficult. My devastation deepened and I worried that I was going to lose it.

I had two jobs at this point, was working 60+ hours a week standard, felt seriously socially isolated, my confidence had gone negative and was troubled at my inability to find a girl to love. In short I was a mess, I considered myself a nice guy and couldn't understand why nothing was working out for me whilst other people were given everything they wanted without showing any visible effort or desire. Now I see this was depression, jealousy and blaming other people for my own faults and pussification. I was burning out because I was saying 'yes' to every demand made of me. I seriously considered suicide but realised that I couldn't hurt my family in that way.

Then strangely things started to fall together. I started to read Strontium Dog and began to identify with Jonny Alpha. A friend recommended reddit and I stumbled across TRP. My name is John so my mantra soon became 'I am Jonny Alpha'. I started doing weights, light toning stuff before moving on to body weight training. I began swimming, rock climbing and doing yoga. I stopped masturbating. I stopped smoking, cigarettes and weed. I stopped drinking. I stopped asking permission. I stopped apologising. I looked people in the eye when I spoke to them. I didn't lean into conversations. I asserted myself and stopped backing down at the first sign of trouble. I stopped fiddling with things and broadcasting my insecurities. I began using three phrases a lot; 'stand for what you stand for', 'call 'em like you see 'em' and 'hold 'em tightly, lose 'em lightly'.

Not that this was easy. I was pretty well conditioned. I was disgusted about what I was reading. I thought this was the most vile form of mysogyny imaginable. That you guys treated women like dogs, robotic dogs, robotic sex dogs. I was no feminist apologiser but until this point I had viewed men and women as roughly equal. I hadn't really considered the issue but decided to persevere and continue with an open mind. I still don't agree with everything I read on this subreddit, but then why should I. Every ideology is flawed and has exceptions. I began observing the world around me and soon found countless parallels that tied into TRP ideology.

Some examples I hear you cry... OK but only because I want to provide them.

1) One of the waitresses at work was leading on a chef, let's call him Tony. Really good fella in most respects but total beta otherwise. He gave her lifts to work, gave her preferential treatment, he was pretty much a puppy. At a staff do she got off with the head chef, another chef and the manager. They all found this out later. Tony continued giving her lifts and all that shit. She turned up at work a few days later with bites all over her neck. Nobody knew where they had come from. Tony allowed himself to be convinced that he had done them. He went from angry to supplicant in about two minutes. I wanted to go over and slap him but that would only have further lowered his standing. I might send him a link to TRP now thinking about it. He might just read this and see the parallels. Other girls when they hear about this say that she is 'liberated'. I thought there might be some slut shaming at least. But no, they think this is an OK way to act.

2) Another girl I know has kept a fella infatuated with her for years. It's sad to see now, like an addicted rat constantly pressing a lever, hoping for intermittent reinforcement. I confronted her and said 'You're never going to get with this guy because he makes it too easy. You treat him like a slave. Maybe you feel affection for him but at the end of the day you know what he wants. Why do you lead him on like this?' She smiled and asked where I'd suddenly got balls from. I told her to go fuck herself. She's been pestering me for a while now. I can't be arsed with her and that makes her want me even more. Kind of a role reversal.

3) A girl who I used to fancy years ago. I asked her out. She said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. Within a week she was going out with an arrogant tosser. Ended up miserable because he treated her like shit and physically abused her. Did she actually enjoy being treated like this and just used me to vent the negative aspects? Who knows? Who cares?

4) Guys in LTRs becoming miserable because they acquiesced to their GFs who invariably betafied them, tied them down with babies, cheated on them with tossers. Too many examples here. Sex being used as a weapon to keep men in line. If a guy loses his job he generally loses his girl.

5) Hell even the language of sex. 'Grow some balls', 'Man up', 'Sexual conquest', 'Pulling birds' etc. Who fucks who? Guys fuck girls. Girls get fucked by guys.

6) Shit tests are everywhere. Don't back down from them. Be funny, slightly mocking and don't let them bite.

7) Just thought of another one. A girl I used to work with told me she had rape fantasies, was into BDSM and clearly had severe Daddy issues. Instead of pushing her against a wall, kissing her hard then fucking her with all my vigour I decided to respect her and try and build her confidence because I thought that's what a nice guy was supposed to do. Needless to say she soon lost all respect for me, started calling me 'pussy' and 'stupid' to my face, bad mouthed me to other members of staff and eventually started going out with a 35 year old guy who 'reminds me of my dad'. In the end I preferred the company of her dog to her. If only I knew then what I know now. She was pretty fucked up though. The dog's cool though. We still hang out. That was always because I wanted to though.

So what is the point of this diatribe? Basically TRP community I want to say thanks for opening my eyes. It was difficult and it has taken a good three months to get through the denial parts of this. I know I have a lot more to develop, shit loads to learn but I feel happy. I've taken control of my life. I'm never going to fall for a girl before I know more about her, before I've kissed her, slept with her, met her family, seen how she lives and tested her to see if she is to my satisfaction.

If anybody has any questions or needs clarification don't hesitate to ask. I'm still not entirely there but every day I grow and strengthen. Now I am like steel; every challenge tempers me and makes me stronger. My biggest source of confidence is that I did this myself. Nobody helped me. I took advice from online but in my own life nobody was willing to lend a hand. I'm pissed at my Dad to be honest because he never took the time to explain these things to me. Perhaps he doesn't know. I don't know. Perhaps he can't articulate his own thoughts and behaviours in the manner that I'm attempting to here. There are issues between us that need to be resolved.

Oh yeah the repercussions of that bitch getting a promotion. The same day I quit my job. I did it in a calm and controlled manner. My bosses asked me to stay. They offered me a pay rise to stay, which has never happened before. Fuck it I was worth more than working for those gobshites. I've now completed a TEFL course. Going to Asia for the summer. I've got all my shit together for it. South Korea, Thailand, Taiwan, Indonesia or Malaysia wherever I get a solid offer and a contract first. Hell wherever I choose to go. I have interviews tomorrow. This is something I've always wanted to do. So now I have the confidence to just go and do it. I'm 25 this month. I regret that I hadn't taken TRP sooner. I would have been happier earlier in my life. But I'm still young and have plenty of time to practise before I hit my prime.

Cheers guys.