Happiness in yourself will lead to happiness in life. Doing things that makes others happy because it makes you happy is not the same as being happy for yourself. Being raised in a way that makes you believe that you can only be happy if the people around you are happy, therefore it's your job to ensure those people are happy create a false mindset that it is your job to make other people happy.

Lots of reading and self reflection later I realize my biggest problem. Making other people happy DOES NOT make you happy. Being happy is something you need to create for yourself.

I started into RP thinking because I wanted to be happy. I put the cart before the horse in learning how to make women happy so that I could get sexual gratification. This could not have been a more wrong step. Sexual gratification is not the same as being HAPPY. There is and always will be talk about going to the gym, getting enough sleep, essentially doing things for yourself and to improve yourself physically which in turn will make you feel happier about yourself.

I decided my first post after lurking for a long time was going to be about me taking a chance and blatantly admitting defeat to being able to make myself happy with these things. I've fought depression, loneliness, and unhappiness for a long time. Changing my view on these things, that it occurred being other peoples fault, was the start of the process. A week ago I took steps to correct that line of thinking. Side bar information lead me to specific books that I picked up and read, then re-read to ensure I understand the reasoning behind the unhappiness I was creating.

So the decision to join a men's therapy group was admitting that I would never be able to fix these issues on my own. Hopefully with the help of the men in the group (which I signed up for today, and will be starting next week), will be able to put me on the path of resolving my self hating issues. It is not bad to be a man, nor should I have to feel that way. I don't know how to STOP feeling that way since has been so ingrained in me since birth. My hopes going in are that I will be able to open up to them in a way that makes me so uncomfortable that it will break the cycle of detrimental behaviors I've been training myself to do since I could walk.

I had to let someone know, and due to the stigma of going to therapy is so high, it is probably best if I don't go sharing it personally with anyone I don't think would be supportive of it. That list is only 3 people long. I tend to keep it that way until I am able to change how I view myself, and my interaction with others.

Lessons Learned: If admitting you have a problem is the first step, then doing things to resolve the problem should be the second. And the only thing ever stopping you from changing yourself is you.