I'm not going to lie and say that I have always been alpha, because I haven't been. I, however, have always been exposed to gender roles and the like from an early age. I grew up in a household where my father was the workhorse. He worked full time and when he wasn't out working at the mines he was working at home, building a new deck, remodeling the bathroom, etc. Whereas my mother worked a casual job and generally didn't do a whole lot. Grocery shopping was pretty much the extent of her responsibilities. She was also very controlling, and condescending towards my father. Growing up I saw the way my mother treated my father and I was sickened. I viewed my father as weak and spineless. Still do.

Up until my adult years I was kept as a demure quiet little kid. My mother raised me, that is for sure. I ended up going through high school beta as fuck. I didn't even get my first girlfriend till I was a senior. I only got her because I accidentally fell ass-backwards into doing something alpha. (I spun 2 whole plates! I know right) I was always a smart ass and I'm pretty sure this is why I managed to keep the girlfriend till we moved to different cities after grad.

Once I moved away from home I kept the original beta programming because I had always been told that was the behavior that women wanted. They wanted a nice guy and all the usual rubbish. The first year was tough. It didn't go all that well when it really should have. I was living in University residence with 5000 other people. It was a constant party but I could never capitalize. There was some other drama that caused me to drop out before the year was over and I moved back home.

Over the next six months I had a drastic falling out with my parents and realized that my core belief structure was wrong. I was raised Mormon, I wasn’t very good at it. I ended up getting excommunicated and moved far away to go back to school. This is where the beta died. He died quickly. Shortly after moving to the new town I got a girlfriend and within a short time my beta attitude scared her into the arms of a couple alpha's. She cheated on me with multiple partners in one weekend. I was devastated. That was when the beta died. I got rip roaring drunk, got into fights, and generally didn't give a fuck. I ended up jumping from girl to girl and didn't care at all. I had become what the PUA's call a natural.

This had carried on for the last 9 years. I've had girlfriends, only one serious but I never beta'd out on her and I ended up ending it. The serious one ended 7 years ago and the longest "Relationship" I've had since was under 3 months. I still had no idea what I was doing or how, I didn’t care I was having fun.

This brings us up to more current times. I’d decided that I wanted to settle down and find a long term girlfriend. So I started actually dating and trying to get a girl to commit to me. I resurrected the beta ways of my youth. I mean it’s what I was told women wanted and it’s what I read everywhere. Be a gentleman and such. It hasn’t worked. So I started digging a little bit deeper. I found the seduction community which eventually led me here to r/theredpill and dove right in. The science behind it seems to really click with my brain and how we as a society play out our respective gender roles.

The only thing that seems to bother me is the amount of bitter men on here. I still love “women” and I still respect them as people. I don’t know if it is because there was no shock that this is actually the way it works or because I was accidentally alpha for so long that this viewpoint just makes sense to me. I hold no ill will towards women for the way they are. That would be like getting mad at a rock for being hard. I suppose some of the bitterness is aimed at society for allowing the way it is to happen but I see no point in raging at it. You might as well try and hold back the tides with your fingers. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try and change the status quo but I don’t think calling out when a woman is a “hamster “ is the way to do it.

Overall, this red pill has been a pretty easy pill to swallow.