This is a double part

  1. I am very afraid of being “average”. Always have been. Since I was young. Like 12. It’s made me make some smart choices as well as very dumb ones.

This probably contributes to why I am attracted to this sub. Being MGTOW takes the stance that we KNOW better. So I feel superior.

  1. I pursue goals. But change. One day I want to live in Europe and sell yachts. The other I want to be a software entrepreneur. The other I want to be something else.

It’s been happening forever. Early 20s and have been this way since I was 16.

I’m currently doing the “normal” path. I’m finishing up college. Working a job as a slave employee at a cuckrporate company.

My desire has always been to be free. Financially. To have the wherewithal to do. Without worrying about what to do for cash. Not needing to be someone’s slave so I can eat.

I’ ve done lots of things. Too many. Learned 2 new languages. Few certifications on different subjects. All self taught. Read almost 200 books. Mainly non fiction. Black belt. On and on.

However, sometimes I think I haven’t seen fruits of labor. I’m worried I’ll be 50. Without having achieved much. I’m also afraid that I’ll settle at this cuckrporate job and never try anything new again.

I also beat myself up a lot. Since I’ve always been proactive since 15-16. But because I never stuck with goal I never reaped benefits. So I think. “If only I had...”

The few things that have constantly stuck with me are:

  • live in an Asian country, speak Japanese
  • fight in a pro MMA fight
  • create a few rap mixtapes and post them on YouTube. I love to rap.
  • start my own company. Always liked high ticket-luxury goods.

I just don’t want to quit striving for something “unrealistic”. I’ve had a lot of people call me out on that throughout my life.

If you were able to read through this and can somewhat empathize with what I am saying, can you share your thoughts?