The Human ATM

I'm not posting in r/relationships because we already worked through this but my wife still thinks I'm an asshole and I don't so we thought we'd let the internet decide.

My wife has major lifestyle inflation. Always has. From the first time she got a job, whenever she'd get a raise or come into some money (tax return, bonus, etc.) she'd have it spent on “upgrades” like a new car, new apartment, designer clothes, handbags, trips, etc. We handle our finances together but everything is pretty automated. Our regular bills are on autopay, retirement and kids' college savings, investments, charities all come out of my paycheck and go into their respective accounts. I make low to mid 6 figures and our only debt is real estate and vehicle related debt so whatever is left after all the auto accounts just goes to everyday expenses. The thing is, my wife manages to spend a lot of it. She spends thousands of dollars a month and whenever I get a bonus it is already spent. I can count on at least two bonuses a year and leading up to that my wife is already planning a kitchen remodel, big trip, landscaping, etc. Whenever I get a raise, she wants to "upgrade" the vehicles. Right now she has her eye on a Range Rover (because its somehow better than her Audi and my Volvo). Sometimes, it is small lifestyle inflation- like she does those Stitch Fix boxes for herself, our 3 children, and me (although I asked her to cancel mine and until my deception was found out she hadn't- just kept the clothes she liked for me and put them in my closet). At some point she started doing weekly massages, monthly facials, belongs to three gyms, the list goes on.

We would discuss this spending issue but since we can afford it, there was really no leg for me to stand on. I just felt like it was unnecessary spending but couldn't tell her what else we should be doing with the money. About 8 months ago I went to a conference, obtained a new skill and my practice gave me a significant raise because I was the only one who could do this in our office. I did not tell my wife. I just adjusted my paycheck so the exact amount of the raise would now go into a separate savings account (my wife has access to this account but doesn't monitor it). The money accumulated and it felt good and I could start clearly why I liked not spending everything and started thinking that if we cut back on spending I could retire 5-10 years early, we could buy rental properties, or pay off our mortgage. Couple weeks ago my wife requested a copy of my paycheck from our office manager to verify income for something, and saw the net amount didn't match the amount that was being deposited. I came clean, we fought, we talked to our therapist, we came to an understanding, all is good. Except she still thinks I'm an asshole for hiding the raise from her. I think I was not an asshole because I had no ill will and wasn't putting it in a place where she didn't have access to.