TL;DR Building my body up was the most frusturating thing I had to do, but it shaped my body and mind under iron. It is the cure for instant gratification.

I'm writing this post as I don't want anyone to be as frusturated as I was when changing their lives.

In life I had it pretty easily. Money came easily because my parents always provided for me.

Education came easily because my parents could afford private lessons that gave me an edge over my peers. I got into a great university.

Friends were always there. Junk food and booze were plenty.

I had everything I wanted and I had it instantly.

One day, I didn't want to be skinny-fat anymore. I went to the gym, I ate what I considered to be a healthy meal. I went to sleep feeling very accomplished and proud of myself. I was delusionally sure I was going to be shredded by morning.

I woke up and my body was sore. I went in front of a mirror and took my shirt off to see my gains. I looked exactly the same the day before. But how did this happen? I did my crunches! I did my bicep curls! Yet nothing changed. I wasn't happy about it.

I went to gym again. I did the same light lifting I did the session before. Another night had passed but I still wasn't shredded. My patience was running out. I gave up.

This cycle happened quite a few times over years.

I went to the gym once again. I was angry about a girl and lifting felt very pleasing. I was high on lifting and it was addicting. I was lifting for lifting's sake.

It has been jsut over a year since I've been a regular in the gym. I put on 20 pounds (which is quite visible on my small frame). I had to donate all my skinny jeans because they don't fit anymore.

Lifting has thought me I couldn't always get what I wanted without putting the work. Working hard for what I want doesn't bother me anymore. It's satisfying.

I had done everything on binge throughout my life. I pulled all nighters when I was studying. I watched a season of a TV series in one sitting so I'd be done quickly. I ate a lot at once so I wouldn't get hungry for a long time. But you can't binge lift without breaking yourself. You need to stop at a place where you can recover and do it again. Thousands of times. I learned patience.

I thought I had the most athletic body in the world. Now that every joint and muscle had been under great pressure and hurt, I know my weak spots and unbalanced muscles. I am humbled by my weaknesses.

One of the best lessons that I learned while lifting is that change will take a lot longer than you think. You can't trust external validation to motivate you because your work won't be noticable to people for months. Hours of lifting and eating chicken you'll have to go through alone. Let it drive you insane. Please stuck with it.

Even now, with much more strength and better body, there is some part of me that is not satisfied. It's a part that cannot except that long term goals mean more that 10 second thrills. I learned to ignore it. It can go to hell.

Change didn't happen overnight and that's why I'm in love with it. My parent's didn't help me with it. I can't buy it. But I created it; my better version with iron body and mind.

Now it's night where I live. I cannot wait to wake up and lift tomorrow morning.