Craziest one:

We meet online, this is going back 15 or so years so no gps, no video/facetime/all that..

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I get directions, it's approx 2hrs away. I liked small town girls, and I never had a problem with women (errr I always had a problem with women :P I'm on the chad side of life) so I liked taking my ride (i'm a car guy) for long spins, and for girls.

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Bad directions, 3.5hrs later I'm on my last call with her "get someone, anyone you know to give me directions, I'll try one more time, if I can't get there I'm going home". A girl calls that sounds like Kermit the frog, keep that in mind for later. I think it's a nasal issue leave it alone, she gives me directions.

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I get there, another 40min wasted, as I pull into her driveway, there are people and kids on her porch, watching me, fukkk (car was flashy, lowered, rimmed..). I gather my nerve, open the car door, and three little kids are there and they say "are you our new daddy? hehehehehe" and run away.

"Strike two!" I think to myself, and she's on her porch laughing with a few friends. I laugh it off, approach, I'm tall, they're... not, it's a hickville and it's friendly fast so I meet everyone and we're finally alone with her and 3 kids, 1 being hers. Kids seem to like me, she's not saying a word. I finally notice tattoos, total alpha woman, turned me on.

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The kids finally take off and we get alone time, she apologizes for the directions,

"I'm going to drive tonight and take you out to make up for it, cool?"

I appreciate and accept the suggestion. Not a good idea.

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"Before we go I just have to go downstairs and do something, you can come and watch but you might not like what you see, or you can stay here"... first shit test... I WANNA SEE!

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We go into her basement, she closes all windows, doors, lights, and only a small desk lamp in front of us. Gets a small box, takes the key off the necklace she's wearing, unlocks it - and it's a lot of fukn coke, scale, baggies, etc.

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I've sold my weed and did dumb shit in my day so I played it off as she bagged up and gaged my reaction. I'm smirking, kinda turned on and scared at the same time.

"You ok with this?" she asks..

"I've done my share of shit, you go girl" ... or something stupid comes out of my mouth, as I try to show it doesn't phase me.

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She takes me out as promised, and we drive to a strip club of all places.

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Funny thing was, it was packed, I mean packed, no parking in a huge lot. She drove right to the front door, a pilon was moved by a security guard for her, and we parked..

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...It finally hits me -

"Fuck I'm with a heavy coke dealer biker chick and I'm her new toy doing a run at a strip club she has priority at, and my car is... I don't fuk'n know where .. . because I'm in some hick town, fakkk, stay calm!"

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We go in, and it's VIP treatment, jackets taken, walked to a booth by strippers, all eyes on us, and I'm feeling a mixture of excitement, bitchmode, nervous, and trying to actually think what being with a woman like this long term would be like.

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She introduces me to her friend "Hi I'm _____" and I recognize it's the nasal chicks voice from the call. She had no nose, I'm serious, NO NOSE. GONE. NO FUKN NOSE!! I finally ask what's up, "it's from coke use, operation coming soon", etc.

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I'm baffled, but ok. She was a really fukn cool woman - coolest one out of the whole night actually.

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I'm sitting in the booth with no nose girl while my date does her rounds and a good half hour goes by. No nose girl introduces me to someone "hey this is my daughter" who was one of the strippers, I pull her in "Nice to meet you, I'm on the most fukt date of my life, your mom isn't my date she's keeping me on ice for her, anyway hi". She smiles, small talks, and walks away.

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The whole night I see this table of big fucking dudes mean mugging me, but think nothing of it at the time, I'm just some new guy getting a lot of attention and am here with the coke queen or whatever..

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My date finally comes back to the table "Come with me" as she grabs me and we go to the DJ booth, she introduces me, makes out with me for like 5 seconds and "I just have to do a few more runs, you cool in here?".. what choice do I have, ok cool thanks for hiding me in here now?..

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I notice that despite the competition they were having that night, and how packed it was, these big dudes just kept starring at me and I couldn't shake the butterflies, I'm fukt if these guys really do have a problem.

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"Ok we gotta go, now!" She say's, grabs me by the arm, we get our jackets, and kind of strut fast to the front door - I'm tipsy, confused, but ok let's go.

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We get outside and "holy shit, he's here, I knew he was here, YOU are going to help me spraypaint that suv right there". I look over, and it was a high end suv, won't say what brand but expensive..

"what are you talking about? I'm not spraypainting some random dudes ride why would you do that?"

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"It's my ex, he's here"...

"Wait, there was a table of dudes (I described them as best I could) that were eyeballing me all night, that's your ex?" -

"yep"

"Please get me the fuck out of here, I'm not here to fight, or take on bikers, or be your boytoy fake date to sell coke, I'm kinda pissed off, take me to my car now girl!"

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She won't leave until someone comes out with the last of her money she was still owed from her runs.

Money finally comes out, I meet a few of her friends, fists clenched ready to pop at any moment, tweaked the fuck out instinctually, we finally leave.

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She still takes me out for some pizza, asks if I want to see her again "You definitely made an impression! I'll never forget you if I don't see you again but I need to process what just happened, tonight was a rollercoaster and I feel like a bit of a bitch vs my normal alpha self on a date"... She laughs, drives me back to my car, and I GTFO FAST checking my mirrors the whole way home hahahaahahaaaa.

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It's not over...

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... Next day, I get a text "Help, I need help".

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Oh shit. I knew it, I should have walked away the moment I noticed that biker tat while she was bagging up.

My heart is pounding now, I'm assuming they got my license plate/towtrucks/ID, they know where she lives it's a small town, she's a dealer, biker, I'm fuuuuukt.

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I told myself not to call or reply

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24hrs later I let too many "what if..." scenarios go through my head and drove myself crazy, wigged out decided to call her to make sure all is good.. and it finally escalated to a peak I couldn't hide my bitchmode from... she say's

"I guess someone wasn't happy to see me with a new guys, my facebook got hacked, my status was changed to "I'm a slut, having a gangbang tonight, this is real, my address is "123 RealAddress" and I've had men showing up to my house all day, there are signs on my doors saying no party here and the police just left"..

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I'm fucking floored .. . "wow, someone still really.. .. . .loves. . .. you.. .. I don't .. . . I ..

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. . . . listen, I usually have a pretty high tolerance for crazy and have been through some shit in my life, I get it, you like my edge, but girl this is a good 14 levels of crazy above my threshold, my heart is pounding, my butterflies are loud, I feel like a little bitch who can't help you and I don't want any problems, wish you all the best with this and maybe hold off on getting new men into your life until you don't put theirs or yours in danger".. ..

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The next day she texted me again saying more crazy facebook stuff but I had to block it after that and for the next few months I kept replaying the whole thing in my head thinking how fukt that night could have ended, kinda traumatized my ass tbh!

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This was therapeutic to finally write out and release, thanks for reading, and let me read one of yours!

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