Ever since my last break up 2 years ago I was going my own way (albeit it I wasn't aware of the term at the time). I kept to myself and did my own thing and after around 7 or 8 months I stumbled upon this place by mistake, thanks to somebody whining about it in a post on the front page. I quickly got absorbed in the MGTOW ways/lifestyle and fully embraced it. I started saving, got into exercising and Buddhism, and started bettering my life, setting up a future for myself. All I wanted in life was to live alone very far away from people with a dog or two, and live as humbly, and peacefully as possible.

Fast forward to recently and I had moved somewhere far away from home and was enjoying the new scenery a lot. Being the young adult I am (23), I decided to check out a dating website. Long story short I met a girl and I went on a date with her. We went on a few more and earlier this month wound up dating. I knew I was playing with fire, and was going down a very slippery slope. I knew well what the potential risk(s) were/are. I was so confident in my stoic mannerism that I thought I would be fine. I started falling for her hard, even though I know I shouldn't. I fucked up by allowing myself to revert back to a piece of shit bluepill.

I went against my own rule(s), and against everything I had learned here, all because of my emotions. I defied logic since my judgement was so clouded, but I can't help it guys. I'm falling for this girl despite me knowing how in the wrong I am for it. I know eventually it will end in some shitty fashion that will wind up hurting me. I already accepted that. I feel like I'm tearing myself apart on the inside. I want to follow logic and intuition that I've picked up from experience from here, but at the same time, I can't help but develop strong feelings for her. I know nothing good will come from my complacency. I don't think I deserve to be here anymore. I feel like I've betrayed a community that only wanted to help me better myself. I don't want to be a bluepill but I feel so helpless to my feelings. I do hope I'm wrong about all of this and that things go well but, we all know NAWALT's don't exist guys.

I'm sorry guys