I've been a lurker here on and off for some time. Today, I wanted to share my story and my outlook on MGTOW.

I'm 40 and was married for 9 years. As a result of that marriage, I have two amazing sons who I have joint custody of. I left my exwife after I found out how unfaithful she really was. Best decision I ever made. Singledom, after that prison of a marriage, really feels like the gift that keeps on giving.

When I was first having thoughts about leaving my ex, a big motivator for me was the desire to 'have another shot at happiness' (through finding another relationship). However, in the nearly four years since I separated, all I do over time is move more and more toward the side of the room in support of never ever going back into a relationship.

I've had two long term relationships in my life. Both ended with me losing a chunk of my soul, being unable to fully be myself because she tried to better me (for her benefit, rather than for mine). I initiated both break-ups.

Throughout my youth years, I envied those in relationships. I think that was more FOMO rather than anything else. I hated the idea that people were experiencing a kind of joy that I wasn't. I hated the idea that I wasn't desired, or desirable. So, like most beta men, I pursued the affection of women because I wasn't capable of giving it to myself, emotionally speaking. But in those years following my marriage ending, I started to question a core value. It wasn't that I questioned whether there were any good women out there, I was questioning whether I had the motivation to even go looking - whether 'happily ever after' was even a place I wanted to end up, with a partner at least.

I drew two conclusions from that exercise:

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Women are like houses

Anyone who has bought property will know that there's a market price you expect to pay for a particular kind of house in a particular location, and the value (compared to others in a similar vane) seldom fluctuates much. If the house gets run down, then it drops in price compared to the others. But when house hunting, you never expect to find 'a bargain'. There's no such thing. If you want a good house in a good area, you have to pay good money - because lots of people want it. Women are the same.

I'm not bitter toward women, like some MGTOW men are. I believe there are good women out there. However, I also believe that the market ensures that they attract good partners early and keep them. At one stage, every woman in the world had a time when she was single. However, the 'keeper' women found partners relatively easily, and retained them because the relationship they formed was mutually beneficial and completely healthy.

Women who are single in their 30s and older are single for a reason. They might appear like a 'bargain' on the outside, but if a house is on the market at an abnormally low price, there's a reason why. If you're thinking you're going to find a 'hidden gem' when looking for a woman over 30 who is single, in all likelihood, I think you're kidding yourself.

No matter how good she seems, if she's been in a relationship that's ended, she's going to come into yours with expectations of how you need to behave, and most likely, will have no qualms about instructing you how to do so.

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Women are like race cars

Race cars are fun. Most men I know would love to be in one. But not all men harbour a desire to own one. They can watch motor racing and enjoy it, and perhaps enjoy the opportunity to travel in a race car, but they don't want the hard work that comes with owning one. The maintenance, the cost, the insurance... etc. And do you know what? That's ok.

Nobody looks down on people who choose not to own something they enjoy. It's accepted that there's a type of person who wants to own their own race car, and there's everybody else. Yet for some reason, we seem incapable of fathoming the idea that, for some people, being single is a lifestyle that just works better for them.

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Coming to terms with this has been a really challenging process for me. Emotionally, I've been up and down like a yoyo over the past few years as I battled this topic, but I have settled into my current line of thinking and believe it's here to stay.

I don't just like my independence; it's an underpinning principle I live by. Lack of independence would crush who I am. The whole notion of a 'shared life' is one that overpowers me with feelings of 'obligation'. Being in a committed relationship is sending myself down a path that's not right for me.

That doesn't mean I ridicule those who are in one, or rip on women for the things they can do to men in relationships. I couldn't care less. I paid enough during the time I was with my ex, and in separating from her. There's no emotional benefit in harbouring angst on behalf of all the other men going through it. Change what you can change, and accept what you can't.

All I know is, I'm much much happier and more whole when I'm single, and unless something drastically changes, I believe this is how I'll spend the rest of my life.