Hello everyone!

I haven't posted here in a long time or checked in on this sub, but found my way back to it when it dawned on me that the people on here were correct about the anger phase. Long story short, my story is likely similar to many of yours, getting dragged through the mud, blamed for everything and left to do it all over again in a very biased social swociety that expects men to "man up", but only when it benefits women.

Anyway I was very angry about all those years of trying, asking out girls, supporting relationships and getting tossed aside time and again. I asked you guys about it and many of you told me that it would pass in time. This was two years ago plus. The other week at work, one of the women asked me why I was single. Before I would either give a snarky answer or say some bs, but I always felt that it was because I still cared deep down. But this time, it just came naturally and I told her that I just wasn't interested in relationships. Now one of the other ladies pulled the classic and said "why? did someone hurt you?". I actually chuckled at this and simply said that the thought of a relationship, the dog, house, white picket fence was a lot of work and that most people don't really understand how much work, commitment and loyalty that takes, but that if I found the right woman, I'd consider it. But that I was looking for true love and that it was very, very rare. I then asked the second woman how many guys she'd told that she loved, and where were they now? she just went "yeah...I guess. But you're missing out.", I drove it home by asking what I was missing out on if it came down to sex right away for so many people? That was she just a sex object or a human being? At this point a small group formed of men and women and everyone began arguing back and forth about it all. I just peaced out.

Point is, if this had happened even 6 months ago, I would have been very angry and hateful, spewing sharp comments and being dismissive. I was really angry and hated myself more than anything for having put my body, mind and spirit through so much over the years to try and be a partner for so many women; not realizing that in reality, men have very little say in relationships, but carry all the burdens. My reputation was put through the wringer with the last woman, claims of abuse, assault and so on(thank God for cameras). It's just such a massive gamble for men and in my case, the past 10 years have been utterly wasted in pursuit of starting a family with different women. And I'll never get that time back.

So to all of you going through the anger and the stresses of trying to reach that point of indifference. Trust me, you'll get there. It took me a very long time 2+ years but I got there eventually and am truly very happy, it's almost like being a preteen again, women are there, but there's no drive to pursue them, nor is there any hate or anger. The only thing that's changed is that I now hold women to the same standard I hold men instead of automatically being nicer/more helpful. So you'll feel like you do hate women or whatever for a bit, that's a part of breakups/relationships of all sorts for people. But everyone does get over it eventually for the most part and the things that hurt so bad today, become less so as those memories grow more distant. What you are angry at is the injustice and the unfairness, but that's part of life, we don't always get to avoid dealing with jerks or being taken advantage of. Don't ever let people tell you that you shouldn't be angry, vent or let your thoughts out. That is hows you heal. And this perpetual desire to say men can't talk about X or Y is a huge part of the problem that a lot of young men especially struggle with and hold internally, letting it out in terrible ways. This forum was here for me through a very rough time when I had therapists making excuses for her, friends making excuses, even my own mother. But you know what? Sometimes, sometimes, it's okay to just say it like it is and yell out loud "She was a lying, cheating ho bag!". Stop holding it in, find 1 or 2 true friends, laugh, cry, yell, swear it out. Or talk here. We're always willing to help and not sugar coat things or tell you to jump back into a dumpster fire. Much love!