Hi everyone,

​

This is my short version (yes believe it or not, short version) of the final straw that made me fly solo. I'm 40 years old as of March this year, no kids, never married, and I had always planned to be that way as long as I could remember. However, I used to get into serious relationships with women though. In the hope that I could find love WITHOUT the legal ties of marriage or children. Knowing what I know now, I don't care about love or female companionship. F*ck 'em and forget 'em!

​

Anyway I was in my last serious relationship from 2011-2014. During the first year it was fine. After that it went downhill quickly with verbal abuse, that soon turned into physical abuse as well. Being I was still "Mr. Nice Guy", I blamed myself for the abuse, and figured I deserved it. That's a long story in itself but anyway here's what happened in a nutshell:

​

I found out through a source that my ex had been cheating on me. For how long I don't know, but I received irrefutable PROOF in the form of photos in 2014 while we were still together that she had done so at least once. It was while I was gone for Christmas of 2013 to see my family. At that point I had had enough of the abuse, and I said "F*ck you!" and ended it. About 3 days later, I was awakened at 4am in the morning to four police officers banging on my door. I was immediately shackled and arrested under the charges of "communicating threats" and "assault on a female". Before any of this, my biggest offense was a speeding ticket nearly 15 years prior.

​

I spent three days of December 30 2014 - January 2 2015 in jail. What a way to spend New Years huh? It turns out, she filed a restraining order on me after I caught her cheating, claiming she was "scared" of me because I had "beaten her" and then threatened her with gun (I don't even own a firearm). Since she "claimed" physical violence, the police were immediately authorized to come and get me out of my home and arrest me without a warrant even though the restraining order hadn't even been enforced in court yet, I didn't even know it existed, and there's no way I could have violated it knowingly. Of course I found all this out DURING my arrest process. While in jail, I got no phone call, no chance to speak to a lawyer, nothing. Because I was labeled a "violent risk offender" I was basically put in solitary confinement where I was locked in a cell for 23 hours a day. The cell had a metal "shelf" attached to the wall in which a preschool style "mattress" rested on it, with one sheet and one pillow. There was a small metal stool bolted to the floor, the toilet and sink. That was it. No windows, and only a small glass slit in the door that the guards would patrol by and look through to check on me every 15 minutes. I was not allowed to look out that window, and If I came too close to the door and they caught me from watching the camera, or saw me, they would yell over the loud speaker to step away. There room was lit by extremely bright lights, that NEVER turned off so they could watch me. I was allowed out for 15 minutes for breakfast, 15 minutes for lunch, 15 minutes for supper, and 15 for showering. ALL supervised. I managed to find a picture of the type of cell I was in:

https://preview.redd.it/o8b35rca4nw21.jpg?width=399&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=251e01dcf746b7a5f8e7ce747c4b2ff3819e11b5

​

When I had my court hearing 3 days later I was at least appointed a public defender as I WALKED, STILL SHACKLED, INTO THE COURTROOM to appear before the judge. I had no chance to prepare a case, no chance to talk to the public defender to discuss anything or tell my side of the story, nothing. When the public defender asked for my release on bail being that this was my first offense, the judge, who was female, said "I don't set bail for men who beat women. You'll have to stay in until your trail". Which was set for 2 months later. I begged my public defender to try to get me out of there. I was not allowed to directly address the judge unless she asked me a question directly first. Luckily the public defender was able to talk her into letting me out until my trial somehow!

​

At my joke of a "trial", before it even started, her attorney (a female also) and mine approached me. "OK here's the plea we have for you". They already had my punishment outlined before the trial! I told them to go to hell and asked why couldn't I defend myself in court and testify. They said "you can try that", but if I did that, the plea offer would be thrown out, I would be at the mercy of the court (another female judge, no jury), and I could risk at least 6 months or more in jail. "So basically you're telling me you all have already decided I'm guilty" I said to them. "It's either this or take your chances" they both said. I didn't want to risk it so I accepted a plea. I got hit with the so called restraining order she originally filed being enforced for one year, sentenced to one year SUPERVISED probation, and I had to attend 3 hour "domestic abuse classes" twice a week for 6 months.

​

At the domestic abuse classes I was immediately labeled (by the female instructor, a male was present just for security) of being a woman beater, that my story was a lie, that if a woman loses her temper with me and hits me it was always my fault, but it was unacceptable to hit a woman back under any circumstances. When it was my turn to talk in the class, I tried desperately to explain what happened. She said "Well I know that you are lying about that. One thing I'm good is spotting liars, and I doubt seriously that's what REALLY happened. Now if you continue to argue we will remove you from this class". If I missed any of those classes, it would be considered a probation violation and a breaking of the plea I accepted, so I would then be arrested and sentenced without trial. Same goes for if they didn't find my attitude or "performance" in class satisfactory. I sucked it up and went along with it.

​

During all this, my ex still tried to harass me several times and I documented it all. One time I even called my probation officer and attorney as she was drunk outside beating on my door threatening to call the police and say I was harassing her again. My attorney even heard her! But they still wouldn't over turn the ruling or arrest her. After I completed everything without incident on my part, I showed all my evidence of her behavior and at least was able to get the charges expunged (had to pay $500 more for THAT too), but they wouldn't let me file charges against her. I lost over $2000 in court costs, probation fees, the domestic abuse class fees, etc.

​

The whole experience has left me traumatized. In early 2016 shortly after I was off probation, I found out she got arrested for FELONY assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. I'm guessing with her new boyfriend. Guess what happened? I checked court records, she spent PART of ONE day in jail, MADE BAIL, and got away without even probation. The only satisfaction I got was I was able to go back to the classes and showed that bitch of an instructor in front of the whole class a print out her arrest record and all of my documentation of her harassing me. I told her "NOW Do you want to call me a liar???" You would have thought I slapped her in the face!

​

I know, I said this was the SHORT version but believe me it is. Guys, please take note of this. I wasn't even married to this bitch, and STILL almost got f*cked over for life by her!