I've been here for ages. I used to create some photoshopped frames of MGTOW quotes, taken from comments by people here. I used to keep dishing out MGTOW and RedPill truths to my friends who needed it, and stuck to the truths for a long time.

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Until one day when my blue pill ass returned. I "fell" for someone, and this was exactly a year ago from today.

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I had become a completely pathetic excuse of a human being. I got into her so much, I completely lost my sense of reality, even though it had happened long before with other women and I thought I had learnt my lesson.

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Over time she broke up with me (of course, I was a really hard person to deal with, who didn't have much fun). I forgot MGTOW and RedPill for a while, and it all backfired. I was "waiting" to get back to her, or simply "wishing" that she would come back and resume, and I was doing these sweet BluePill shit to get her attention, all the while KNOWING that it was all BP shit and was bound to fail.

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Yesterday I get to know that she has long long back moved on, not just that, she has been doing "casual hookups" with random people (she was never that kind of a person - or was I blind?), and has been "exploring" herself by indulging in random shit forever. Now, anyone can do anything with themselves, they are free to do that, but it was shocking to know that the girl I was brooding over was just fucking around and having fun.

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More than that, I had elevated her onto a pedestal, and kept there, thinking she's that one unicorn. I loathe my ONE FULL YEAR of wasted time, energy and effort. I don't know where to put my head or hang it in shame. I had wasted 400+ days on a woman, and I feel guilt, remorse and suicidal. I'm completely dysfunctional right now. Didn't go to college, didn't attend to my part time work, nothing. I'm already suffering depression for a lot of months (years) now.

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Everything seems too shallow, dull and just black.

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This tale is from INDIA. Women here are no exception, regardless of what you hear. They are more volatile than their western counterparts, it's just that they are all doing it in hiding and not plain view. I don't know why, there's a blue pill idiot always lingering in me no matter how much of red pill truths I swallow. I am UNABLE to convert into someone who likes to just fuck and get over and move on. I am UNABLE to live that kind of a life, one with no strings attached.

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Please say a few things if you think they would help me. I'd like to hear them out.