Hello. This is my first post on this sub. I want to tell you about a man I became friends with who Red Pilled me and saved my beta soul from beta hell. I think the story is interesting but you may of course disagree.

TL:DR: I met an african Zen master when I was a beta teenager. He taught me how to think, how to eat, how to train, how to socialize, how to dance, how to work, how to fight, how to fuck, how to respect, how to get respect and how to love.


"When student is ready, master will come" - some dude I met years before any of this. He probably read it in a book.

My friendship with Matonko lasted around 7 years, from when I was 19 till 26. I'm not gonna lie, Matonko was almost certainly a criminal, specifically I have reason to believe he was a hitman, but I will not delve too much into this, as it never played a big part in our friendship. However, Matonko is not his real name, and no names/nicknames in this post are. I live in a Scandinavian country which is were we met. Our friendship ended when he got deported for possesion of weed.

This post will mostly be fragments from my conversations with Matonko, with a little bit of context where I deem it necessary to understand his Philosophy. He would always speak in metaphors, and many of those moments will not make sense to anyone other than me, since they rely on very specific details of my life. I've only included a few of these metaphoric moments, but you must understand that 99.99% of what he said was implicit. I've included the 0.01% that was concrete and seemed more like general observations on society and principles for living a fulfilling life. These concretions mostly came because I kept bugging him for something concrete and I think he mostly said them to make my immature SJW bitch punk ass shut the fuck up and think for myself instead of trying to make reality conform to my messed up world view.

Matonko's mannerisms were something else: His laughter and speech were almost like Master Yoda's except 2 octaves deeper and with a very strong nigerian accent. It felt as if he was vibrating with his entire being, almost like a didgeridoo when he spoke and especially when he laughed his Yoda laugh. He would also use very sophisticated sentence structures and dramatic pauses to express ideas that my naive mind could not understand until further solitary contemplation. He would also ommit certain pronouns at times. I will try to capture his way of speaking to the best of my ability.

I first met Matonko outside a café in a fairly bad neighboord ("rich scandinavian country bad", mind you, my country is very privileged.) It was very warm that day and for some reason, the universe had condensed a mountain into the shape of a black man sitting on a bench with his back to the tables. Really. I must have you accept that I cannot make you fathom the density this statue I was witnessing. Since meeting him, I have spent time in both the army and prison and trust me when I say nothing comes close. He was looking across the street like this but less angry and more like "I own this place." His irises were almost the same color as his pupils and took up most of his eyes creating the illusion from a distance, that he had two blacks holes in his skull. He intrigued me and I sat down at a table next to him.

A little bit about me: I was born in Scandinavia. Both my parents are semi-autistic "intellectuals" from Eastern Europe (we are white if it should matter). My father left when I was two years old. He showed up again at my highschool some weeks after I turned 18. It seemed he mostly wanted to make me convince my mother to have him not pay child support anymore which, after so many years of depression from having our father abandon us felt really, really good, man. After getting to know him a bit, I decided it wasn't worth the effort to have a relationship with him.

Anyway, I was a lonely kid. My mother would sabotage my friendships and try to make me stay at home and read books from a very young age ("young", as in before the other kids in school were done learning the alphabet "young"). She would discipline me with detention for weeks for the most trivial stuff for this reason. Trust me when I say I was the most well-behaved, well-read depressed little kid you've ever seen. Btw, detention time was counted in weeks in my house hold. My mother would use her fingers to count them, and for every word I uttered back she would count out loud "3... 4" while I cried in frustration. I think a conservative estimate is that I spent at least 20 percent of my childhood in detention reading adult books - mostly lexicons. This gave me a messed up, arrogant iamverysmart personality which also didn't help me with making a connection with the other kids.

My mother was also a feminist. Mostly I think she was incredibly sexually frustrated and she vented her frustration on me. I learned all about toxic masculinity and feared anything manly. I even feared expressing anything that might seem boyish or not feminine/gender neutral - I sat on the toilet to pee like a good girl. I would never say 'dick' but 'penis' etc. I became quite the pussy. My ma didn't want no pussy, though. She wanted a pleaser robot. At age five, she convinced the Sensei of a local Karate Club to enroll me in their beginner class even though I was not old enough to join.

In a few years, I became the toughest kid. My mother would force feed me several pounds of food for dinner - if I didn't eat up, she would threaten to have me finish the meal on the floor in the toilet like a dog. Once, I couldn't stomach anymore and threw up on the plate while crying. My mother seemed to think this was rather funny, and allowed me to go back to my room to keep to my studies but that was the only time I was allowed to not finish what was on my plate.

Despite my physical strength I had not one dominant bone in my body. The other kids would try to fight me and bully me because I was softspoken and introverted. They would try to come at me in groups and I would absolutely fucking destroy them, even the older kids. I was fearless, because let's be honest, my life was hell and these fuckers tried to fuck with a demon, not a kid like them. As such, I had some weird form of respect - but it was not really respect. I had no way of translating my physical power into the social hierachy of the class, and I felt very alone and outside. Teachers loved me though.

At 9 years old I tried hanging myself with my karate belt. My mother got very disapointed and angry with me and threatened with calling the authorities and have me removed. I was very ashamed and pleaded with her and tried to convince her that I was just playing. 'Luckily,' she accepted the explanation and allowed me to stay.

Anyway, I stopped taking Karate lessons. Started gaming. Became fat. Became incel. Became /b-tard. Became alcoholic because chronic insomnia from night terrors. Became addicted to weed because better for sleeping than alcohol. Went to high school. Became leftist SJW (SJW was not coined yet, I think, but basically the same thing) cause those kids all have horrible personalities and will accept anyone that speaks their bullshit while paxadoxically still having incel mentality. Got first girlfriend/kiss/fuck at 18 (very late in my country). Got cucked. Got depressed. Started smoking even more weed. Started life after highschool. Started looking at the man next to me:

"Cojones" he said slowly, each syllable articulated and with a strong emphasis on the spitting sound - not paying any attention to me, mind you, just looking straight ahead as if he couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge my existence. He turned his head in the direction of a hispanic looking man at another table and repeated the magic word, even slower this time. The hispanic said it back to him, in the same manner. The statue slowly turned his head in my general direction, his eyes completely void of any movement as if no particular detail in the scene desverved their focused attention.

"CO--JO--NES" he said again, now looking at something several lightyears behind me. Yes, the first thing Matonko ever said to me was basically "BIIIIIIIG BALLS."

I said it back. The three of us repeated the word a few times, it was quite bizzare. Already, I felt a connection I had never felt before. Like I said, any masculinity I might have had at that point in life had been perverted and treated like an illness. Just saying that stupid fucking word like a bad motherfucker felt so fucking good and therapeutic. I asked the statue what his name was.

"Matonko," he said. He didn't ask, but I told him my name back. He replied with emphasis on each syllable: "Koto"

"Uhm, no. A-n-o-n" I repeated somewhat slowly, thinking he misheard. This time he was even more articulate:

"KO. TO"

I never liked my real name anyway. Class was now in session.


*I will try to keep the quotes and anecdotes chronologic to give a sense of progression. These are just glimpses into many years of conversation. This first bit was the second time we met but the rest will be more fragmented.

M: "What is up, Koto, nice to see you again!"

K: "Hey, "

Black guy hand shake - it took me some months to get this down, but protip: The black guy handshake is the best social lubricant you will ever learn.

K: "... I am good, but my name is Anon."

M: "Aaaa-nasdfasdfauhasudfhasdf"... Completely butchers my name, stumbling over several syllables with his heavy nigerian accent.

He looked a bit anoyed with me and produced a piece of paper and a pen. On it he wrote "Koto" as if I couldn't figure out the spelling.

M: "Ko... To." Pointing at each syllable with the pen.

K: "Koto."

Well, I guess that was settled, then.


K: "What do you do?"

M: "I am an actor."


M: "Koto, you are very good with language. Me too, I am very good with language.


On the phone:

M: "Hello, is Matonko"

K: "Hey, how are you?"

M: "I am good, BOY"

K: some conversation, don't remember

M: "This is MAN speaking to BOY. You must learn to listen."

This was the hardest thing to accept. That despite my age, I was still a kid. I had been taught "man" was a toxic word that had no meaning. I was about to learn. The beginning of our friendship was mostly him slowly teaching me to pay attention and listen.


M: "Communication is three levels. First, is what we speak. Second is what we don't speak. Third? We don't have to speak."


M: The best medicine for a fool is silence.


M: "Some boys. They have no respect. How will you do anything in life without respect?"


M: "Women are fire fire"

K: Paying close attention

M: "Me? I am water water. Some bois, they are water fire. Of course: I have fire. But me, I am water water. Be water like me, Koto."


(Thinking about The Sex God Method)

K: "You know, you look like an incredibly high status man."

M: "Maybe I specialize in it."


K: Expressing some fashionable SJW bullshit.

M: "Society tells us not to control woman. In reality: We control woman.


M: "You must be intelligent."


M: "We rule with love."


K: "What do you mean by that?"

M: "Maybe I am trying to make you think for yourself.


M: "Woman is worth more than man in the desert because they have more water in body."

K: "Were you in the desert?"

M: "I went through the desert three times before I could escape."

K: "How long does it take?"

M: "For Moses it took forty years."


At Matonko's girlfriends place. He is teaching me an african dish were they boil tomatoes and onions in oil, creating a rich sauce that can stay fresh for weeks. Matonko called this 'stew'

M: "First, you make the oil boil. It will boil differently than water. Also, the onions will sweat. We need all the water out."


M: "I am so dry. My body holds no water."


M: "When there is no more stew we make more stew."


M: "I care about vitamins and minerals. I care about bacteria."


M: "I do the same things every day."


M: "Aaaay, Koto, nice to see you! Have you eaten?"

K: "No."

M: "Let's go eat!" or "Go eat, we can meet later."

So, so many times...


M: "Whatever I put in my body, I know what it will do. If I drink beer I know what it will do to my body."


At Matonko's girlfriend's (white girl) place. I had not slept for 40 hours.

GF: "Would you like something to drink? "

K: "Yes, coffee please."

GF starts preparing cofee

M: angry "What? No, what are you doing? He said he has not slept for 40 hours, are you crazy?"

GF: All kinds of bullshit about studies showing coffee is healthy yadda yadda.

M: Pointing at me "I am trying to knock some sense into this kid's head."

GF kept arguing until Matonko took her outside. I could hear a faint slap and they both came in again, the GF now with misty eyes but very quiet.

M: "Please, Koto, what do you want to to drink? I will give you anything."

K: "I would like a beer, please."

*silence*

K: "...I would like some mango juice."


M: "When I am right I am right. Don't you know when you are right, Koto?"

K: "Not always."

M: "Of course you do. "


M: "I can slap a bitch. "


In my apartment for the first time, just invited him to smoke some weed. It was really messy, dishes not washed etc.

M: "Koto, your apartment is fucked."

He took off his shirt and started cleaning my entire apartment without even asking. I was autistic and high af and didn't know what to do. When he was done, I asked:

K: "How can I ever repay you?"

M: "You are my friend. You can not pay."


K: "Did you work out in Africa?"

M: "Yes."

K: "How?"

M: "Mmmmmm, running. Long jumps."

K: "???" (This was like Schwarznegger telling me he got his body doing the One-punch-man training routine.)


M: "Me, I am not bodybuilder. I am natural."


Matonko was casually doing some one-arm chin-ups on a tree, he showed me the progressions (first hang, train applying tension in shoulder to stabilize etc.) He would do these everywhere we went, in the order I needed to do the exercises over a few months. He never told me to do them, mind you, only that I could.

M: "You can use my tree. Just don't break my tree."


M: "Woman will respect any man if he is a man. She will say 'I understand.'


M: "I am a man. No woman is above me.


M: "I am the very tough player."


M: "Play, play, play the game."


M: "Me, I want to be like a lion. I want to be like an elephant."


M: "The people from [my parents' country] they are strong: steel steel. Can you become steel steel for me?"


While grooming his finger nails with a nail clipper

M: "Everything is important."


After a few years of knowing Matonko my physique and mentality had changed dramatically. I had put on several pounds of muscle and felt pretty good about myself. I joined the army for basic training, and to my surprise it was nowhere near as rough as I had thought it would be. Unfortunately, I did something stupid and ended up in jail for the first time in my life. When I came out I was 5' 11" 200+ pounds with not much fat. Btw, Matonko was around 3 inches shorter than me, and I started feeling a bit cocky. I met up with Matonko in a bar we used to go to.

M: clearly disappointed and angry with me "I ASKED FOR STEEL" - as he said this, he smashed his clenched fist into the table we were sitting at. I had never seen him act like this.

M: "I need you to become steel so that if you do like this" - he casually flicked his wrist in a movement starting from under the table...

M: "...the table will fly across the room."

The table was made from solid wood. It must've weighed at least 300 pounds.


M: "You look like the Terminator."

K: feelin cocky

M: "...At least I have calves."

He wasn't being mean, btw: When I started running again (I didn't like doing that in prison) I immediately fucked my knees, ankles everything. I hadn't developed my body for movement, just piled on muscle like a dumbass. It was very humbling spending many months jogging slowly and getting a more balanced physique.


M: "In military, to be leader you must do the course. Then, if cannot make it, you must go back and pick them up."


K: "How are you?"

M: "I am cool."


Of course, I had to get a girlfriend and of course I played the same old game I had always played with being clingy, setting her on a piedestal even though I knew I shouldn't and all that.

M: "Your woman. She needs to be jealous of your time."


(Speaking of women)

M: "I play a very good game with them."


M: "Why do we want women, Koto?"

K: being stupid "I don't know... For cooking?"

M: "No. Woman can give you baby."


M: "Women fuck around. Tell your woman not to fuck around."


So, my GF fucked my friend. I was pretty hard broken and went to Matonko for guidance and consolation.

M: "Aaaay, Koto, good to see you! How is your mama?"

K: "Good."

M: "And your familiy, are they good? Are you taking care of them?"

K: "Yes."

M: "Nice! What is up, then?"

K: "My GF fucked my best friend."

Matonko did his fucking stupid Yoda laugh, coming straight from the heart. I was furious.

K: "What, you think this is funny? I thought you were my friend."

M: "To me it is funny."

This time I wanted in on the joke.


The friend my (now ex-) gf fucked was nicknamed "Mister Horse Cock." I obsessed quite a bit over this bugging Matonko to confirm to me that the reason she cheated was the big D.

K: yadda yadda he has a big dick fuck women.

M: "NO. It is not because deeper in pussy. It is because deeper psychology."

I realized my gf didn't cheat on me because my friend had a big D. She cheated on me because he was 10x more emotionally mature and had a big dick.


M: "I d-e-s-t-r-o-y the pussy. Something happens when you destroy the pussy."


(About sex) M: "Woman must follow man. If follow man, is good. You cannot follow woman. Woman will keep fucking forever."


M: "I was at a house. There was a woman. The man told us 'you can all go fuck her' - 5, 6 black men."

K: "Did you fuck her?"

M: "No!"

K: "Why?"

M: "Because: it is not my thing."


M: "I don't attach myself to women. Women attach themselves to me."

(I live by this today.)


(About prostitution, rape.)

M: "Whenever take woman through power: it is not good."


M: "I don't give a fuck about other people. I only care about my job."


M: "Maybe I am like a prophet."

(I had absolutely no qualms with this.)


At this point my body was starting to make more sense at around 190 pounds with muscle more evenly spread out and my cardio had gotten a lot better from running.

M: "What is up, Koto!"

*fistbump*

He kept punching my knuckles for a while.

M: "Look at my hand." shows me his knuckles. They are humongous and give his hand an unusual, circular profile.

M: "Do you think you can make this grow? I think you will become very dangerous if you can make this grow."


M: "I am not a violent person.


M: "Professional fighter has contract. He cannot fight in the street.

K: "But why?"

M: "Because what the fuck?


(about fighting)

M: "If he is fat I run."


M: "I can fight. I can protect. I can love."


M: "They cannot fight me."

K: "Why?"

M: "Because there is no fight in me.

(this has saved my life a few times, I reckon.)


I had never danced in my life. I would have no idea what to do with my autistic ass on a dance floor.

M: "You dance like 50 cent."

That was all I needed to hear.


In a bar. Matunko was dancing like a mother fucker. He was doing pirouettes and high fiving motherfuckers in slow motion movement while they were walking by him. I was in absolute fucking awe at the moves of this lad. A new song came on and he sat down next to me. I got up and danced for the first time in my life (remember: 50 cent.) When the song was over I sat down again.

M: "Nice."


M: "I want a friend I can go clubbing with.


M: "Hard boys, they go: 'Hey, wanna go clubbing?' and they put clothes on and go clubbing.


M: "I spend my money helping brothers. Helping sisters."


M: "I cannot feed them all."


M: "We cannot repair others. We can only repair ourselves."


And this is where it gets a bit sad:

M: "I used to be a really, really bad guy."

K: "What did you do?"

M: "I went to prostitute. I did drugs."


(Matonkos children live in spain with his ex-wife.)

M: "In spain, for 10 thousand euros or less, some will kill a man. Then, when they get their drugs, they go crazy."

K: "Really, so little?"

M: "Really really. 10 thousand. 5 thousand. Even less."


I was standing outside a party with Matonko, smoking a cigarette. People were looking at us from the inside.

M: "Look at how they are looking at Matonko. They don't even know: Matonko is a killer."

K: "What, really? Did you kill someone?"

M: "No. I must be careful in the future when choosing my words because some people will take them seriously.


M: "When kill brother. Something happens so cannot participate in regular society.

(The missing pronouns were on purpose)


M: "Me: I don't want to be a ghost."

Epilog: I don't know if there was a point to writing this but I had to get it off my chest. This is not even scratching the surface. Seeing how much is already written I realize I could write several books about Matonko. I have cherry picked the moments here to fit a certain narative, but everything was spoken as written and happened as written.

If I never met Matonko I could very well have become the next Elliot Rodger. He gave me the tools to help myself by completely avoiding my fucked up ego and speaking directly to my wicked soul.

I haven't spoken with him for a few years, but his message of power, love and personal responsibility will stay with me forever. One day, I hope I may become the father I never had. And I will raise a good man. Meanwhile, I will be the bigger brother for every fucked up autistic kid I meet. I study Computer Science - there are plenty.

Matonko always liked to buy lottery tickets. I asked him why he did this, didn't he know he'd never get his money back? His answer was:

"It is hope."