I asked for them, she dropped them off.
It's over.
She's moved on and she's getting fucked by Couch Boy.
We spent three years together, every day, but when I look back I see the lack of emotional depth with this girl.
Our conversations never really deviated from "day to day" topics or joking around. I would be the one to bring up "feelings" -- she never would.
She's a cold, stiff person who really finds a lot of fulfillment in day-dreaming and single-serving friends at work.
Beyond that... you'll never get much warmth or empathy out of her.
In my life with her, she'd usually just make jokes or cracks about sad events or people getting hurt or dying, like on the TV news. No empathy.
Once, when she was starting to talk to Couch Boy, I caught her on Facebook chatting with him and she protested, "I CARE ABOUT MY COWORKERS!"
No, she doesn't. She doesn't care about anybody. She just wanted to carry on with Couch Boy, which she was.
It's weird looking back, seeing all this.
She also viciously made fun of my previous ex, who I called "The Void" -- yet ANOTHER emotionally-dead idiot.
She's like The Void, but actually better at PRETENDING and faking emotion.
Lesson learned.
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I'm so happy for you.
I'm sure you're in a great deal of pain right now and that's completely normal. But what just happened is a GOOD thing. I know it hurts to look back on the past three years but give it some time and things will get much, much better for you.
I'm going to make an educated stab in the dark here. A lot of the pain you've had during this experience with this woman is probably derived from the fact that you know she's making shitty life choices. You cared for her and thus quite naturally didn't want her to do things that weren't in her best interest, i.e., staying with you was better for her than hooking up with some loser that gave her the tingles. You felt a sense of loyalty and responsibility for her well being.
Maybe you're still carrying these feelings around.
Well, you need to cut that self-sacrificial bullshit out NOW. Because that's what it is: bullshit. She doesn't need you and she certainly doesn't need to be "saved" by you. I don't know the precise nature of her situation (fill us in if you'd like) but odds are she has far, FAR more resources at her disposal than you do.
She can turn to family, friends, or simply monkey branch to another man willing to let her move in and... yeah, "save" her. The fact of the matter is that she can easily, effortlessly, and thoughtlessly suck resources out of any number of people in her life. It's not just that she doesn't NEED you, she doesn't even WANT you -- you served your purpose and now she's done.
Imagine yourself to be a glass of water. She was thirsty, so she drank all the water you had to give. Now she's setting you down and moving on to the next glass of water.
Of course she may find that her next glass of water doesn't taste quite as good, so at some point she'll come back to you to drink what little water you have left. I would encourage you to never let her or anyone else completely empty you out.
What you can't see from your little spot on the counter is that she lives in a world filled with glasses of water. Many of them are begging her to come and drink them up.
So... of course you're not special to her. Why would you be?
She cannot see you in the same way that you see other people, because ultimately you're not a person as men understand other humans, you're just one resource out of many.
Drop the guilt, drop the regret, start thinking about yourself for a fucking change. Take care of yourself. You need to heal now. Take the time to learn how to love, accept, and care for YOURSELF. There's nothing wrong with that and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.
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