Back story: I come from a tight knit cultural community where everyone knows everyone. People are quite tribal, word gets around fast, that sort of thing.

I went on a coffee date with a guy 3 years ago. We had known each other in social circles/through friends and cousins for 10+ years. He told one of my cousins that he was interested in me, the cousin got excited and was eager to be a matchmaker. Soon enough, a group of my cousins tried to set us up... 1) because they were bored 2) they were tribal/racist and didn't give a shit if we were compatible or not, they thought that we just belong together because we're the same ethnicity. Other than that, they didn't have any real investment in any of this. I found it annoying how overbearing they were being when it didn't concern them. I tried my best to be cordial but it was difficult.

Anyway, on the "date", he told me that "we're both not getting any younger", "You're the only girl in our community not related to me" and he also said that I should have asked him out before if I was interested. I got out of that date as quickly as I could. Told my cousins about it and they were shocked. Before the date, they kept telling me that he was a great guy, to give him a chance, just go on a date. They were shocked by how badly he blew it. Everyone let it go after that and didn't blame me for rejecting him. Although I know that they'd still be rooting for him and promoting him if he didn't blatantly fuck up so badly, they just couldn't endorse him after that.

He asked me on a 2nd date at a restaurant, I felt guilty but said no. I just knew in my heart of hearts, that this guy was more than just obtuse and socially awkward, something about him was off.

I was Facetiming with one of my cousins (let's call her Anna) the other day, and she told me that this guy's aunt called her aunt to ask about one of her relatives. She said that "He noticed her at Anna's engagement party". Anna's engagement party was 10 years ago, and her relative was 13 years old when she attended. So he noticed a 13 year old girl at a party 10 years ago, thought she was attractive and thought it was appropriate to tell his aunt that, and his aunt thought it was appropriate to relay this information to her family? Anna's aunt ended the call feeling disturbed, the girl (who is now 23) was disgusted when she saw his pics (he's 10+ years older) and was even more disgusted when Anna told her about the coffee date I went on with him years ago.

So yeah, I dodged dating a pedophile. I avoided getting guilt tripped into settling for a pedophile. Imagine if I had a kid with him, imagine going to a wedding or party with him and catching him leering at 13 year old girls who just got their period last year? I shudder with disgust just thinking about it.