So, Marred....ahem....married over 10 years. I thought I'd give you an insight into how brown the grass is over here. I wanted to post this on MGTOW.com but they won't let you post without a paid account. So anyway....

OK, So I'm going to get this out there. It might get long and it might get messy. I'm kinda writing this for myself in a way I don't think anyone reading this giving a shit about it will make any difference but welcome, for what it's worth.

50 shades of shit

In 2004 I finally got my divorce from a cheating piece of shit Russian first wife. My 4 year marriage, which was pretty much over before we even got to the big day itself, cost me a house I'd been paying off for 3 years before I even met this woman. By the time the marriage ended I'd gone from debt free and paying a mortgage to 17 thousand UK Pounds in the hole and selling the house. And yeah, she pretty much made it so that half the profit on the house (hooray for bubbles!) went on getting her out of my life. Mission achieved I had a breakdown and quit my job and moved back to my parents. Not long though, I thought fuck it and went on a year's travel financed by the little I had left, some grandfather's inheritance and working doing web sites in between travel legs. The Russian had left a big scar with years of psychological abuse coupled with an ability to stay at home all day doing fuck all other than sleep around it seems. I did the cooking. That's right, what a fucking fool. Thank god I didn't stay in touch.

That year of travel though. Best thing ever. I slowly got over myself and finally had the time and space and especially the time doing whatever the fuck I like. That right there best year of my life, easy answer. I was 35 and ready to go back to London after leaving my old town and the fucking Russian behind and start afresh. But fate had other ideas. In what seemed like a fantastic thing at the time my current (last!) wife picked me up in a club. She made the running but let's say though I'm no prize catch and the hair was going even then, I'd had hookups with better looking chicks on my travels. But we connected I guess. At least that's how it felt. And damn I remember feeling that same evening earlier how I'd just found myself and I was going to go back and life my life. I was ready to be MGTOW even though back then I didn't know of it.

Now stop me if you heard this one before. She was into sports, wanted to see the games; got so interested in all my stuff. Normally nobody cares so it was flattering. It played to my hungry shrivelled beta male ego. After marriage - actually in cases before - those layers fell off her like layers of a rotten onion. To be replaced by layers of fat. I met a size 14, by the wedding she was 18 and has stabilised around a 20 after dalliances with 22. To be fair I've put on 10kg too, but I've gone through 40 and beyond. She's a decade younger. I always wanted kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them but fucking hell. My sex life wasn't exactly regular before. Now it just died. That was when I stumbled into happy ending massages. That shit was my only out for ages. I've paid for it since and discovered some of the best sex of my life. In fact that stuff felt more like real lovemaking than the supposedly real love. It started with her always being tired and ended with me just getting frustrated and assuming she'd always be tired. And this is a supposed "good" woman. My parents adore her. I think of the potential shitstorm if I announce I want a divorce.

Nowadays she's completely different from who I met and I feel like I've sunken almost as low as my first marriage. I'm working 2 jobs just to save money for a holiday. I'm forever hearing about how she wants to lose weight and go on a spending spree while we're abroad (My money is on one of those happening). But I'll spare you the blow-by-blow and fast forward to this week. I've been really, really sick all week with a chest infection and I've soldiered through work (mainly because being sick at home with my screaming kids and a wife coming up with shit for me to do is not my ideal way to recuperate) and had to hear about how her 4 hour a week part time job that she took on a few weeks ago and which pays just over half what I'm making is leaving her so tired. Not withstanding that I'm working 6 days a week, 2 of those to 11pm and that due to babysitting for her my weekend doesn't begin until Sunday afternoon FML. Today I've had:

1 . Her call a male neighbour around to fix a lock on our shed as she didn't want to bother me. This one got me unusually riled and I asked her if she just wanted my balls to hang out the front of the house we bought with the help of half a million dollars from my family and none from hers. (And we still have a mortgage. Did I say hooray for bubbles earlier?)

  1. Her have a go at me for suggesting a $75 toy each for the kids on the grounds that I never buy her anything. I countered with what about the second vacuum cleaner you just decided to get yourself because the non cordless one was so much effort....or the $260 pair of shoes tow weeks ago. Kapow. She responded she hadn't had new shoes in two years and got all huffy. No sex tonight extending that streak to about 3 weeks (a short one then), I thought to myself as I walked past the two pairs of over $200 shoes that were both new this year in the corridor.
  2. (Every night I'm not at work) Comes the last hour of reading stories to the boys. This routine takes until 8.30pm at least so most worknights I barely even have time to myself. She's usually parked in front of the TV Marinating in wine to Netflix. Some nights like tonight I leave her there then get nagged about "What I'm doing on the computer".

This is just today. There's always something and the only reason we don't argue constantly is because I've tucked my nuts between my legs and learned to swallow my tongue better. The kids don't help, but it's easier for her despite the fact she plays the victim and constantly goes on girls' nights out spending money and not answering her mobile and rolling in drunk after midnight when I got to be up 6.30 for work. I've had no nights 'with the boys' just 3 work nights in 2 years and let's be honest who considers time with assholes from your job relaxing? She does it once a month at least. And 'we' pay for childcare so she can do the groceries (AKA drool at shoes) once a week.

Actually, thought that might make me feel better but all it's actually done is got me angry. Anway, hi. Thanks for suffering through this essay, you probably have an insight into how I feel by proxy. p.s. The sex. Holy shit. She lies on her side with her back to me and pulls me in. After the obligatory cunniligus to orgasm. It's like she's doing me a favour. She NEVER does oral or anything other than missionary or this spooning sex shit. I feel like I'm retired.

p.p.s All she talks about is other mothers. How so-and-so is buying a house and it's bigger or smaller or cuter than ours and X's husband is on a six figure salary. And to think we're always told it's the men who are competitive. I am; but I got nothing on her. I almost hope she is fucking the neighbour so she'd leave me first but alas I think the one thing I ain't got on her is that. The fucking irony.