I'm about to be a groomsman at a friends wedding...

WanderlustYouth · 2017-07-21T04:00:10+00:00

FML man, I was told about this today and I can already tell how tedious, annoying and time consuming it is going to be. I joked about how would buy them a...

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]WanderlustYouth[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]WanderlustYouth[S] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]DWShimoda0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

Obviously choice of whether to say yes/no is up to you, and is something you have to largely make on a sentimentality basis...

In some senses, well like I said about the funeral/wake analogy, it's NICE to spend a bit of time with your bud (and/or "buds") and to kind of say "goodbye" via that.

There's usually more than one occasion of goofy "male-bonding/guys night" things associated with being a groomsman -- and things to which non-groomsmen friends are not invited/present for -- sometimes you all go together to the tux place to get "fitted"... and then stop off at some bar & grill for some steak & beer (i.e. "last supper") together afterwards to get "fitted" in a different way, etc. Then of course there is the "Bachelor Party"... which is usually more liquid/open.

As to the ceremony & events themselves:

COST to you in terms of money will chiefly be the tux rental, whatever you chip in to the "bachlor party"; your transportation to/from & around the events; and then of course whatever you give as "gift" (sometimes the "spare/penguin" groomsmen {i.e. the not-quite "best man" ones} go together and buy ONE of those "expensive" wishlist gift things).
COST in terms of time -- will mainly be the day/night before the wedding (the big "rehearsal"), the so called "big day" event, and then (possibly) a day or week(s) after the event some "gift opening" (i.e. tallying of the loot), which is chiefly a bride & bridesmaid thing, but the groom HAS to be there and so uses it as an excuse to have one last gathering of the "boys" (who all show up, spend 5 minutes looking at the pile of loot & then head to hangout in the adjacent garage or basement or patio for beer {of if still hungover, soda} with the groom popping in occasionally for relief).
COST in terms of tedium -- will largely depend on just how anal-retentive & freaky the "Princess/Bride(zilla)" herself is, and/or how much of an obsessive-control-freak the "Mother-Of-The-Bride" (i.e. MOTB) is -- don't count on your buddy (Groom) to be operating in anything other than "Yes, Dear" mode -- and will expect you to be equally "slavish" & subservient. Basically you will need to adopt/accept that for all things "ceremony" related you are going to be treated like a mannequin -- turn you brain "off" and you will do fine.

EDIT: Oh, one more thing to add in here. Being a "groomsman" at least ONCE (for one friend)... well it can kind of be like a vaccination/inoculation & immunity from future infection(s); that is if/when anyone ELSE ever asks you, you will have a much more valid & ready made excuse: "Sorry dude, I have to say NO. I already did that with [Tom/Dick/Harry] -- and after THAT fiasco, well I swore I'd never be a groomsman again." (i.e. "Been There Done That, NEVER Again!") And it's likely to be accepted w/o offense.

Plus, as others have noted, weddings (and even more so "receptions") are a great opportunity to engage in observations of humans -- particularly married humans and "sloshed" humans -- there is no MORE "gynocentric" activity on the planet than the modern western "Big Wedding"; and among other things, you will see MAJOR "beta male" subservience (i.e. "Yes, Dear") on display in various corners throughout the event(s), especially in the form of the FOTB, the "groom" (who is actually just an "accessory" {apparently nowadays even "optional"} to the wedding "event" for the bride), and of course essentially every other male present.

You MIGHT even -- though this seems remote -- observe and "spot" and meet (IRL) another actual "MGTOW" guy or two ... Most MGTOW avoid weddings, but those who DO choose to attend (probably some "uncle" of bride or groom) well its hard to describe just HOW you will identify them, but they tend to be oblivious to and UNAFFECTED by the "bitchy" women, able to fly around the whole affair/event (as if it were just another "party") and soar through it all entirely untouched.

[–]WanderlustYouth[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]DWShimoda1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

hopefully this will be the last wedding I have to be a groomsmen at...

Again that'll be up to you.

But it will give you "veteran" status -- IOW it's "cruel & unusual punishment" for other friends to try to "draft" you once you've already served a tour of duty in battle "at the frontlines" (i.e. you can claim to suffer from a kind of "PTSD").

EDIT: Also, one EASY way to sort of "guarantee" that veteran/immune status -- is to get drunk (plausible deniability) and do something -- make some brief "faux pas" action -- that sort of serves as a "make an ass out of yourself" at the reception... once you've proven you're likely to do that, future friends will avoid a replay. (LOL)

About the only way someone can "redraft" you... is if they ask you to be [groan!] "best man" for them -- THAT one is really frigging difficult [nigh impossible] to refuse -- and of course as a MGTOW, it's also THE most difficult to say "yes" to (goes against all of your ethical beliefs, and because -- unlike "penguin/groomsman #X" {a brainless mannequin role} -- you can't be "best man" AND shut your brain off).

Moreover... in the "best man" role you're very likely expected to "fawn" over the bride, give a VAPID speech (including complimenting her and how GREAT a couple they make etc), and worse yet to have to "deal with" a groom that has sudden "cold feet" and is thinking of "fleeing" -- you're expected to help him persevere THROUGH & OVERCOME the doubts, get married anyway, etc -- and then the final "coup de grace" you have to sign the damned marriage certificate as a legal "witness" (which has no LEGAL consequences to YOU; but is nonetheless an "ethically" distasteful thing for a thoughtful/red-pill MGTOW guy, it feels like you're a contributor to the later "divorce-rape" of your buddy; loading bullets into the Russian Roulette Revolver).

So... IMO you should do whatever you can to AVOID getting stuck in that "honor" position -- usually all it takes is to express some "dislike" of your friends' girlfriends (anytime prior to being asked to be BM, that is prior to the engagement/wedding) -- most grooms don't/won't want to RISK some best-man saying some "negative" thing about the bride at the reception/best-man speech (and of course if future-bride hears/knows you don't think SHE is the greatest thing in the world, she will put the kibosh on you being "best man" regardless of what the groom wants, and he will {of course} cave/comply and pick someone/anyone else LOL).

[–]WanderlustYouth[S] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]DWShimoda0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Thankfully i'm not the best man, you made being a groomsmen look 100x time better

Compared to being a "best man" -- yeah ironically being a (lower on the totem pole) groomsman is a fairly easy and relatively banal thing -- and for a MGTOW, it's a BLESSING in disguise to NOT be "best man."

but is it really true that I have buy my own tux just to be part of their wedding,

You shouldn't have to BUY one... tuxes are typically a "rental" thing (chiefly because the "BrideZilla" wants some SPECIFIC color/style combination -- "to match the bridesmaids' dresses" {again just like the groom is an "accessory" to the bride, the groomsmen are just "accessories" to the bridesmaids} -- and so the tuxes generally are all of the SAME EXACT STYLE, and from the SAME EXACT "formalwear" place... a generic/standard "black tux" is rarely the bride's choice; and so is useless for weddings). But yes, YOU will be expected to PAY for your tux... and yes in part its so the groom gets his "FREE" -- so in a way, you're partially (trivially really) "subsidizing" the wedding.

And yeah... that's actually the chief (really ONLY) duty of being a groomsman -- you're just a mobile mannequin modeling a "tuxedo/uniform" -- to be ordered/shifted around and repositioned for "symmetrical" photo purposes (counterbalance to the bridesmaids).

Sort of the BEST (least important) possible position is to be a groomsman that is lower in count/status to one of the bride's brothers/cousins, etc (i.e. groomsman #5 of 5 total, or #9 of 9 total, etc) -- the SAD thing about that status is it means you really just are nothing more than a "slot filler" (i.e. asked ONLY to fill out the roster, NOT because you're really a "valued/close friend") -- but in my experience that's actually a very "freeing/bonus" GOOD thing, because it means (since you're really NOT a "close friend") you can pretty much do whatever the FUCK you want at the reception (drink, carouse, make a total ASS out of yourself {which can be a BLAST!} even drunkenly spout a shitload of "RedPill" truths {with a sort of impunity/immunity via the "in vino veritas" excuse}... and do so WITHOUT worrying about damaging a REAL "friendship" {because being "groomsman #5" means you're really NOT a good friend, you're JUST/ONLY a "mannequin/accessory"}).

SO go... have fun with the "experience"... extract your ~$100 (or whatever tux rental costs are these days) worth of value BACK out of the wedding in the form of food, Champagne, other booze, carousing, observations of extreme AWALT crap by women, "beta" behavior by the married/attached males, etc. -- dance/flirt/toy with (and then "dismiss/discard") the various bridesmaids one after another... "NEXT!" and so on.

[–]WanderlustYouth[S] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DWShimoda0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

All right I'm actually starting to look foward to this, and I can observe a new aspect of female nature, the soon to be wedded bridezilla...

Actually you get an el primo "box seat" to a whole array of "female nature" behaviors: not only BrideZilla, but also probably the dreaded "MOTB" (Mother of the Bride -- sort of like "MOAB = Mother Of All Bombs" -- with accompanying "explosive fireworks"), as well as a whole spectrum of ridiculous "bridesmaid" behavior (from the sad-prude "always a bridesmaid/never a bride"; to the "total slut-hoe-pigs with lipstick in a satin dress" types, etc)... and even the totally ignored/displaced "MOTG" (Mother Of The Groom -- who might try to protest, but will be shut-down, and usually "seething" on the sidelines, LOL).

AND the several variations of "beta male" behaviors as well -- from the walking ATM known as the "FOTB" (Father Of The Bride -- usually just a walking/exhausted & soon to be empty "wallet"; often a hollowed-out "shell" of a man), to of course the almost "zombie" like groom-accessory (i.e. "Yes Dear, Yes Dear, YES... DEAR") -- the entirely superfluous essentially forgotten/ignored, FOTG (Father Of The Groom -- who, if he even exists anymore, will often takes up residence in the bar, chiefly to avoid the "seething" MOTG)... Then of course the "best man" aka Slave Boy (though occasionally a "rebellious" slave-boy who gets his revenge during the "toast" speech), and then of course the various "dates" (boyfriends even husbands) of the bridesmaids (forced to be present, but generally not wanting to be there, and having SQUAT all to actually do other than "hold my purse" etc. -- these guys can be REALLY entertaining to watch as the night goes on).

If you view the whole thing as a "detached" anthropological analysis -- it can be quite entertaining & illuminating -- sort of like watching a tribe/family of gorillas or chimpanzees out "in the jungle."

And again... you CAN have a blast -- as a groomsman/honored guest -- you have a sort of immunity/impunity (within certain limits of course) that allows you to "cut loose" in ways that you usually can't, even (assuming the reception includes beer & other booze and isn't a "tea-totaller" thing) becoming increasingly crude/rude as the night progresses*... its sort of expected (at least where I live in middle-America) that having been a nice 'stalwart' penguin/mannequin & suffered through the shitload of Bridezilla/MOTB crap earlier in the day (AND the rehearsal & rehearsal "dinner" & other shit the night before) you HAVE to sort of "blow off steam/vent" as compensation (IOW you've "earned" it, LOL).

* EDIT: Even if you're NOT actually "drunk" (in fact you can stay totally sober if you want) -- all you have to do is slur your speech a little, loosen the bowtie/tux crap, stagger around a bit -- and everyone will give you a "pass" (because they ASSUME you're going to be increasingly drunk as the night progresses) regardless.

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[–]DWShimoda1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

how society never directly tell you that your friends will dump you at the drop of the hat for a women.

This is a "Red Pill" -- even almost an exclusively "MGTOW" -- truth.

Not only that your friends WILL "dump you at the drop of the hat for a women" -- but that said woman (if she achieves actual "entrapment") especially as "wife" will DRIVE OFF all of his prior friends (childhood/single/bachelor era) ... the CLOSER the friend, the more likely they are to be "marked/targeted" for elimination (ASAP).

So ironically, the groomsman who is (usually*) saying "goodbye" even more than the rest... is the guy tagged as "best man."

Also the whole "spouse thinking you're a bad influence" is really bullshit -- what she's REALLY concerned about is that you are a THREAT to her ability to completely control "hubby" (and turn him into a totally-indentured-zombie-slave obedient to her every whim/wish).

* I say "usually" because there are exceptions -- the chief one being when the "best man" is a brother of the groom's -- impossible for wifey to {entirely} get rid of him; and of course that's also often a sort of sad/pathetic reflection on the groom's lack of other solid friends.)

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Title	I'm about to be a groomsman at a friends wedding...
Author	WanderlustYouth
Upvotes	19
Comments	32
Date	July 21, 2017 4:00 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/6oljyz/im_about_to_be_a_groomsman_at_a_friends_wedding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/im-about-to-be-a-groomsman-at-a-friends-wedding.571274 https://theredarchive.com/post/571274

Comments

Obviously choice of whether to say yes/no is up to you, and is something you have to largely make on a sentimentality basis...

If you view the whole thing as a "detached" anthropological analysis -- it can be quite entertaining & illuminating -- sort of like watching a tribe/family of gorillas or chimpanzees out "in the jungle."

how society never directly tell you that your friends will dump you at the drop of the hat for a women.

This is a "Red Pill" -- even almost an exclusively "MGTOW" -- truth.